


I'll surrender up my heart and swap it for yours

by Lalalaartje



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Destructive Relationships, English teacher Zayn, Friendship, Intern Harry, Kindergarden teacher Liam, M/M, Post-divorce struggle, Single Parent Harry, Workplace Relationship, daddy!harry, messed up Louis, psychologist Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-22 01:30:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 56,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1570985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalalaartje/pseuds/Lalalaartje
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Louis refuses to believe that what he feels is true, simply because it's too cliché. And because falling in love with an intern would be the most stupid thing to do on the first job you really like. So, he just decides not to.<br/>Harry is his happy, confident self, though there might be more below the surface.</p><p>Or how they'll fall for each other no matter what, even if the odds are forever against them.</p><p>The one featuring very loved up Ziam, single dad Harry, Niall who's a bit of an arse at first (but he gets better!) and Louis as a messed up psychologist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even sure where exactly this story is going, but I just wanted - needed - to get writing again. I never really do plots that've been worked out previously to writing anyway :)  
> I'll try to update at a decent pace. Try, being the keyword here.
> 
> Title's from Ed Sheeran's Lego House. Simply because I'm a walking cliché and all that.
> 
> Also, I'd like someone to beta this fic for me, and be forever grateful if anyone wanted to!

_Cute_ is very much not the first thing that comes to mind when Louis looks up to see his colleague enter the cafeteria.  _Hot_ isn't either. And not only because his colleague is a girl he's known for seven months now, but also because Louis doesn't look that way at interns and he's just not looking at the intern she's talking to while waving at him before they take their place in line. So, it's not. He's not even looking at the guy with the brown head of curls and the  _fucking dimple_ who's walking next to Hannah. Nope, he's not.

It's not that he isn't out at work, like his sister put it so nicely: "God Louis, I truly believe it's impossible for you to be closeted for more than three minutes when you arrive somewhere new." And well, his flamboyancy might have sold him out more than once. It had taken two and a half day before his co-workers (all women, comes with the job when you work in health care, so it seems) started sharing their opinions about hot guys with him, must've been a new record, now that he thinks about it. 

It's just that he  _really_ likes this job. For the first time in five years and as many jobs, he's found one he really likes.  And he's not going to waste that with workplace romances because they never work out. Ever. His own mother was the epitome of failing workplace romances, for heaven's sake. So, just, no. His switches off his ability to have romantic feelings as soon as he walks into the building and only switches it back on when he leaves in the evening. Not that he does anything with those feelings at night, but whatever, it's the thought that counts. Or something like that.

He was apparently only shuffling his food around his plate, because Hannah shoots him a strange look when she and her intern arrive at the table a few minutes later, and oh, his food is all still there. "Harry!" The boy - man, perhaps? - introduces himself. He seems too happy for a place like this, for a person even, but it seems genuine and his smile is bright and the dimple has a twin on his other cheek, apparently. So Louis shakes the hand that Harry holds out for him and produces a smile of his own as he tells him "the s is silent." The smile grows even brighter and Harry nods, eager to let Louis know that he understands. "Hi, Louis."

It's a bit strange, and it takes Louis miles away from his comfort zone but it's oddly fine at the same time. So he just smiles once more before tuning in to Hannah's explanation about Harry's internship, just in time to catch that he'll be here for six months. Oh. Okay. That's... nice?

Before he gets more time to dwell about that strange feeling in his chest and what he's thinking about Harry the intern being here for six more months, Hannah starts questioning him about that one patient he'd been having trouble with. And he's not happy to jump at the opportunity, because, why would he?

Anyone who'd have known Louis and his small circle of best friends in high school would've laughed at the careers they ended up in. Louis wouldn't even blame them, because if he was really honest, given the jobs they're in at this moment, his sixteen year old self would've shuffled them as well. Zayn surely was more fit to be a psychologist, and he'd expected Liam to be a PE-teacher rather than a kindergarden teacher. Zayn wasn't the psychologist though, Louis was, and hadn't Zayn become an English teacher he'd probably have ended up a broody artist painting things nobody understood a thing of or writing novels without a real plot. It worked though, Liam was definitely the best kindergarden teacher that had ever existed, Zayn had this gift to work with kids who were long tired of having to go to school and Louis... 

Honestly, teenage Louis had been a mess. He'd been struggling with his sexuality and once that battle had been fought he'd started struggling with his personality, trying to discover who he was. Unfortunatly his path had been crossed by unhealthy relationships and questionable actions from and towards him, so he sure wasn't a blank page when he went to college and later decided to get his degree in psychology. It hadn't made it easy either, especially when in their third year their study group became a weird sort of therapy group for each other and you honestly didn't want to know how many tears had been shed. So, he was less of a mess right now, at twenty-six, but he wasn't a textbook case of happily ever after either. He apparently wasn't able to keep a steady relationship for more than three years and he wasn't very good at having relationships to begin with. He still relied on his mother for too many things (though he ought to be grateful that she had stopped doing his laundry years ago and bought him a washing machine instead) and him and his siblings formed the most powerful alliance in history. The way he was trying to teach his little brother how to play football because he'd had to quit because of his dodgy knee sometimes bordered on obsessive, but all in all, it was alright.

He was relatively happy and the larger issues were dealt with now, well enough that he was able to actually help others sort out their own problems. And apparently he was even good at it too. 

The half hour of his lunch break was over soon enough, so he said his goodbyes to Hannah and Harry (seriously, was that psychologist-intern pairing deliberate?) and checked his phone on the way back to his ward. He laughed out loud at the picture message Lottie had sent him of her _"So fucking hot, Louis, you wouldn't believe it! I'm not sure if I'll be able not to make the lab explode when he's around all the time."_ chemistry lab assistant looking all chemistry-ish with an erlenmeyer and a Bunsenburner, captioned **"KA-fucking-BOOM LOUIS!!!!"** and typed up a quick reply to Zayn that he hadn't forgotten about their dinner-date tonight and that he would remember to pretend he didn't know about his engagement to Liam yet.

The smile on his face was what made him realise that, yeah, he was pretty happy, actually. And he loved his friends and family, so who cared that Stan had been an asshole that ran for it as soon as Louis brought up marriage and kids, and Louis just didn't feel like starting all over just yet. It was perfectly fine as it was.


	2. One.

It's kind of funny, the way Liam keeps glancing at the ring on his right hand, and then to the one on Zayn's, thinking Louis doesn't see it while it's  _so_ obvious. Louis' happy for them though, they've been together for years and he'd always expected them to seal the deal at one point. So his smile and moist eyes had been genuine that night, when Zayn had come over to ask Louis if it would be a good idea to propose to Liam. He was an idiot to even think for one second that it might not be. The two of them, they were truly and honestly meant to be. Louis had been kind of jealous of them, the way they never really struggled to accept they were gay, and then, in a kind of natural way how they became boyfriends right before they all went off to college. It was 8 years now, so about time for a marriage if anyone asked Louis.

 

Zayn and Louis had been friends by default. They lived on the same street and their mums were friends since high school, so they had little choice but become friends as well. Luckily they'd really had a connection between them, and even when they'd outgrown playdates and fun fairs, they'd stayed close. Zayn had been there for Louis when his mother got her second divorce in six years, when Louis believed he had to be there for her, be the man around the house even though he was only eleven himself. Louis had seen Zayn when he hated his youngest sister, because she was the reason their trip to the USA got cancelled because she had meningitis. And Zayn never had to explain that he said he hated her for it but really his tears meant that he cared and was worried that she wouldn't recover. She did ofcourse, and nobody had to know that Zayn hugged Louis extra hard when he got the phone call from his father that she was about to be discharged. 

Liam had become their friend when they transferred from the small elementary school around the corner to the larger high school in the city center. He'd come there from yet another school, as the only one from his circle of friends and the three of them kind of clicked as soon as Louis and Liam were seated next to each other for maths. Later Louis and Zayn learned that he transferred to their school  _because_ none of the kids from his school would go there, to escape bullies and bad memories, but it didn't matter much. Liam was there for both their  _dark rimmed glasses phase_ as well, and never commented on it although he thought they were idiots to wear them even though they'd had contacts for ages but they were mysterious. Nowadays, both Zayn and Louis still had the glasses but hardly ever wore them outside the house, finally having acknowledged that contacts were far more convenient.

Zayn and Liam had been there even when Louis turned into a dick because he was wrestling with himself. He was on the football team and his greatest fear was to be discovered as  _a fag._ Looking back at it, he was kind of ashamed of having referred to himself as that, but it was how he felt about it back then. He'd tried really hard to change his mannerisms and even harder to get a hard on from the blond covergirls his football mates seemed to lust after. Neither really worked though, so it was also Zayn and Liam who'd hugged them when he'd finally admitted to them - and to himself at the same time - that he liked his teammates better than their bimbo-girlfriends with _a lot of_ _boobs and no dicks_. They understood him as well, though they hadn't really said as much, they just knew they felt the same way. 

Louis had been the one to tell them to  _open their fucking eyes already_ and man up, so they'd see and admit how much they liked each other. All things considered, it wasn't much of a surprise that the two of them were still together, they were probably meant to be.

And if Louis was still kind of jealous of them, just sometimes, nobody had to know.

 

They're well through the main course when Liam  _finally_ clears his throat and grabs Zayn's hand before looking Louis in the eyes. "We uhm, we have something to tell you?" He tries, and it comes out more like a question than a statement and Louis can't help but make fun of it, just a little.

"Are you sure?" he teases, a small smirk playing on his lips but wiped off as soon as Zayn's free hand collided with the back of his head. "Sorry!" he ads, just for good measure.

"We uhm, Zayn and I, I mean, we're uhm, getting married." The last bit comes out with a big breath, a smile bigger than Louis would've deemed possible forming on Liam's face and _fuck, no_ , Louis isn't going to get emotional over this. Not  _again_. The wet blotches on both Liam's and Zayn's shoulders are purely coincidental, having nothing to do with Louis hugging them tightly and semi-threatening that they'd better let him be their best man with a small voice.

The rest of the evening is passed by Liam retelling the tale of their engagement (it doesn't differ much from Zayn's version of events he'd gotten last Saturday night when he'd called him to let him know that Liam had said yes, but Louis is happy to hear it all again) and it's well after midnight when Louis makes his way home, feeling high on laughter, love and just a little bit too much wine.

 

\--

 

Harry feels as if he's dead when he finally allows himself some time on the couch. Niall had done it again, left him a voice mail message while he was at work, or well, his internship now, to tell him he'd drop off their daughter that evening instead of the next morning because he had a gig. Don't get him wrong, Harry loves their little girl, a whole lot. In fact he often wonders how so much love fits in the tiny body of a three year old, but she's a handful and he is just so tired. So instead of getting a take away for dinner, cleaning up around the house and getting Nathalie's bedroom ready for the next week peacefully before watching The Voice, his Friday night turns into a frenzy of cleaning up and making her bed and cooking something remotely healthy while waiting for Niall's arrival at his door.

At least he looks semi-guilty when he turns up, Nathalie's hand in his left, her bag in his right. Harry should get more angry with him, he supposes, because he keeps doing it, leaving voice mail messages when he's sure Harry can't pick up his phone and not even asking about changing their arrangements. He doesn't, though. He's tired of it, his anger at Niall seems to be used up during the months prior to their divorce, and he doesn't want to get angry at her papa in front of Nathalie either. She doesn't deserve it, it's bad enough already that her fathers are separated and she's moving houses every two weeks, even if it's just down the street. 

 

Harry still feels guilty sometimes, wonders if he could've done anything to change things between him and Niall, if he could've done anything to make things work again. Even when he knows he's already done anything he could, from couples therapy to suggesting an open relationship (he still gruels when he thinks of that, but he wanted so badly to make things work), it still haunts him sometimes. Especially because they hadn't been able to make the housing arrangement they'd first agreed on: a big house with an appartment for the both of them, and Nathalie would have her own room but would just switch fathers to play and eat with. It would've been ideal for babysitting purposes as well, but the houses that were big enough to realise that, were either far too expensive or had too much work to be done in them. Two houses on the same street was as good as it would get for at least a while. Luckily, Nathalie doesn't seem to bother much, not really remembering anything but her fathers living in two seperate houses, and she was simply a happy child.

 

If he wanted to make it easier on himself the next morning, he'd set their plates on the breakfast bar and maybe even bake Nathalie's favourite raisin bread, but he just can't muster the energy. Maybe it's just him, but taking care of everything seems so much harder and especially more tiring now that he has to do it alone. Even when Nathalie's with Niall, keeping up with his household seems like a struggle with no one to talk to except from Gemma or his mum on the other end of the phone. It's at least one positive side of Nathalie being here early, it means he can leave for Holmes Chapel earlier in the morning, and they'll make it well before lunch. He sents his mum a text to tell her as much while listening to the late night news with half a mind before getting to bed himself, after checking if his little girl's still sound asleep in her room.


	3. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii, apparently I really love writing this. Me and this fic, we're still in the honeymoon-phase of our relationship. So here I am again with an update.  
> Also, I'm aware that my chapters are rather short, but that has everything to do with my lack of patience. Once I've written enough for it to be called a chapter, I like it to be out there, to make sure it gets posted at a reasonable time. 
> 
> I'd still like someone to beta for me, so any volunteers are welcomed with arms wide open.
> 
> Thanks for everyone leaving kudos and bookmarking and commenting!

Harry honestly tries really hard not to snort out a laugh when he stumbles across Nathalie's bedroom on his way back from the bathroom. Apparently he'd been too drunk on sleep to notice it on his way there, but the picture in front of him is simply adorable. And hilarious. Hilariously adorable. Nathalie has turned on her little pink stereoset, which is blasting out some song from the latest one hit wonder he doesn't even recognise, and turned her hairbrush into her microphone. She's dancing on her bed, and the three year old -"Almost four years old now, daddy!" - is belting out her own made up lyrics to the song. The love he feels for her makes his heart swell in his chest and it almost physically hurts when he crosses her room to grab her from the bed. She starts and then erupts in giggles, once she's figured out who swooped her up. 

"Morning butterfly!" he greets, pulling up her shirt to blow a raspberry on her little tummy, more giggles escaping her lips.

"Morning daddy!" she flings her arms around his shoulders and squeezes him tight, and suddenly he forgets how tired he is, how badly he wants that everything was different. Nathalie just does that for him.

He gets her washed and dried, white curls framing her face after a heavy hair-brushing fight. He hates that part of the morning, because he remembers well enough how much it can hurt to get curls brushed if they get tangled overnight, something that tends to happen with her thin hair, and he hates to hurt his little girl. He'd glared at Niall when he'd announced he'd taken her for a haircut a couple of weeks ago. Finally her hair was getting long enough to be able to braid it before bed, and now it would take months again, months of morning fights to get her hair brushed. 

After breakfast, he packs both of their bags, carrying a change of clothes (three for Nathalie, since she doesn't wear diapers anymore but in all her excitement she tends to forget she needs to use the bathroom), a pair of pajama's and a brush, and throws everything in the boot before strapping Nathalie in her seat in the back of the car. He hands her a book and a couple of toys to keep her busy, but he knows from experience that it won't take long for her to fall asleep. She talks a bit to him at first, but by the time he reaches the high way, he can see her sleeping soundly in his rear view mirror.

She wakes up as soon as he parks the car on his mum's driveway, and she's overexcited to be here, as always. Overexcited, and in urgent need for the bathroom. He frees her from her seat and allows her to run towards the back yard, where she knows the back door is always open for her, and chuckles when he hears her shout her greeting to his mum and Gemma. He's still unloading the trunk when Gemma comes around to say hello to him, offering a hand with the bags and it feels nice to be home. It always does. She gives him a one armed hug and smudges a kiss on his cheek, not feeling the need to voice any of the feelings she's implying and follows him inside. He tries hard not to think about what it means when his mum hugs him extra firm, just returns the hug and smiles gratefully when she hands him a cup of his favourite tea. She tells him to take a minute to recover from the trip, that she'll take care of Nathalie for a bit. He nods, smiles and sits down at the kitchen table for a bit, enjoying the taste and warmth of the tea for just a little bit. He smiles when he hears Nathalie coo at Dusty, and chuckles when the cat comes running into the kitchen only seconds later, followed by little toddler-feet.

"Daddy! Dusty doesn't want to play!" she exclaims, her lip jutting out into an adorable pout. 

He picks her up and pulls her into his lap, explaining to her how she's probably scaring the cat since she's quite old already, and she nods like she understands and he doesn't choke up. He doesn't.

 

\--

 

 When Louis wakes up the next morning, he almost wishes he'd had more wine the night before. It would've given him an excuse to stay in bed or on the couch all day, but now he has to do something. Probably something useful even. He checks his phone only to notice that Lottie cancelled their meeting that evening, because she claims to have too much work for uni to travel all the way to Manchester to see him. He scoffs and sends a sarcastic message back to her before climbing out of bed, looking around at the mess that is his bedroom. "An organised and clean mind needs an organised and clean house!" He can still hear his mother say it to him over the phone when he complained about not being able to study in his dorm room, and well, maybe she was right. It always went better after he gave his room a thorough cleaning session. He thinks how he can surely use an organised and clean mind right now, so maybe it's about time he get to work in his small house. He starts with the bedroom, taking off the sheets, gathering the laundry, throwing out the cans of coke and even a stray bottle of wodka he doesn't remember drinking. He frowns at himself, deciding he'll take better care of himself from now on. It's been two years since Stan ran away (quite literally too) so it's about time he gets over it in a more constructive manner than by sleeping around and wallowing in self pity. He's good at wallowing though, perfected the art over the last couple of years, but now he's quite done with it.

By the end of the day, he's done with the entire first floor, laundry done, floor vacuumed and mopped, he even went as far as cleaning the windows. Downstairs, the mess is less of an issue, since he at least tries to keep that part of the house presentable for visitors, so he'll take care of that tomorrow. Maybe he'll even make work of his small garden, he's on a roll now anyway.

Zayn stops by later that night, bearing gifts in the form of crisps and a six pack of beer, claiming that he wanted to get out of the house because Liam's doing crafty stuff for his class projects again. He frowns at Louis at first, noticing that something is different but decides not to comment on it, just hugs him a little bit tighter before putting his coat on the hanger. He forgets about it after his second beer and the third time he loses the FIFA-match from Louis, determined to get revenge before the night is over.

 

\--

 

"Is she asleep?" his mum smiles up at him when Harry enters the living room. He nods, and adds a small comment about how she's out like a light after a busy day. Gemma's gone out with one of her friends from high school, so it's just him and his mum for the night. He likes it, secretly, to have her all for himself, but also dreads it, because it probably means they'll have a talk.

"Are you alright baby?" See? There it is already. He hums uncommitedly while wandering into the kitchen in search for something to make talks a bit easier. There's a bottle of his favourite red wine on the counter, and he smiles softly because his mum anticipated. She always does. He takes his time uncapping the bottle, filling a large glass for himself and one for his mother and putting the cork back in the bottle before getting back to the living room. 

It takes a minute or two after he sits down in the armchair before he gets annoyed with her expectant look. "Kind of."

"Oh baby..." She scoots over to the other end of the couch, closer to where he is sitting and puts her hand on top of his. It's all he needs for tears to start rolling down his cheeks. 

"It just feels like I'm failing, you know? I mean, I keep thinking that maybe I've pushed Niall too hard, that he wasn't ready for kids. That maybe, if we'd waited, we'd still be together and we'd be able to give our kid a stable family. I just... I don't know!"

"Harry... I get it, you know, the feeling of failure? I've had it for a long time when your dad and I had a divorce. But in the end, I realised it was better this way. I realised that you two were happier without parents who were always fighting. And Niall loves Nathalie, doesn't he?"

He sniffled, nodding. "Yeah, he does. Of course he does, I think she was the only thing keeping us together for two more years, actually."

"I think you two would've broken up eventually anyway, with or without Nathalie. And that's hard, and it sucks, and it feels so unfair towards Nathalie, but it's reality." Anne adds, squeezing his hand softly.

"I just wish things were easier between Niall and I. He's just... chaos, you know? He changes his plans like a million times and forgets to tell me, and I feel like Nathalie's always the victim."

"She's such a happy little girl, Haz. I'm sure she knows she's loved by her fathers, and that's really all that matters right now. Try to enjoy, she's growing up so fast! I can't believe she'll be four in three weeks time!"

At the mention of Nathalie's birthday, the waterworks are realling starting, as if a dam has been broken. Anne watches Harry in a mixture of amazement, confusion and worry for a couple of minutes, but then pulls him up, out of the armchair and into her arms. She rubs his back and he finds it soothing, he does, but he can't seem to stop crying, his entire body shaking with his sobbing. When he's finally calmed down a bit, she pulls him down onto the couch next to her, where she can hold him close. 

"Are you and Niall celebrating her birthday together?" she asks cautiously.

"N-No," he hickups. "She's with him that week, and he's taking her to Ireland, a-and I understand, mum, I really do. I-I mean, I get that he wants her to know his family as well. She  _should_ go to Ireland with him sometimes, but on her birthday? I hate it that I won't have her with me on her birthday! I don't even want to start thinking about Christmas!" It all comes out in one breath, almost, and he looks so broken that it physically hurts Anne to see her son like that. She gets it, how hard it is, the first year after a divorce, celebrating birthdays, holidays on your own or without the kids. She actually considers herself lucky because her ex-husband never really cared for those days so after a year or two, she was always the one who celebrated with their children. But she doesn't really know what to tell Harry, so she just holds him until his wine is finished and he stands up to go to bed, his face blotchy and his eyes red from crying.

She tells him she loves him, and wishes it could still heal his pain like it did when he'd fell of the swing in second grade. 

 


	4. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for mistakes, I'm self-editing (and still willing to change that!) so some mistakes are bound to escape my eye!

When Harry wakes up the next day, he's feeling surprisingly well rested. Little fingers are playing with his hair, and when he opens his eyes he's met with the bright smile of his daughter.  
"Hi daddy!" she chirps, bending over to peck his cheek. One hand is kept on her head, keeping what Harry discovers to be a crown in place. "Nana says we can have spunch today, that means breakfast and lunch all in one! Even if I already had rice crispies this morning!"  
"You mean brunch, pumpkin?" He questions, smiling at her and helping her lay down next to him on top of his comforter.  
"Yesh, spunch." Harry just chuckles and kisses her nose. "What's the occasion then?"  
Nathalie huffs and all but rolls her eyes at him. "My birthday party ofcourse!"  
He frowns, but doesn't get a chance to question why she is having a birthday party three weeks prior to her birthday. Anne walks in, carrying a cup of tea for him, which he accepts gratefully. "Nathalie I believe your aunt Gemma is waiting for you to finish the rolls with her!" She shoots up, knees Harry in the stomach in her hurry to get out of the room and runs downstairs.  
"Careful on the stairs, Nathalie!" Harry yells behind her, and he cringes at the way he's starting to sound like his mum sometimes.  
Anne sits down on the bed next to him, carding her fingers through his hair, and yeah, that reminds him he should probably get it cut soon. "I thought it'd be nice to celebrate her birthday now that she's here. Gemma's made the crown for her when she woke up this morning, and she's been excited over brunch ever since we started preparing it."  
"Oh, mum..." Harry starts, understanding that his mother wanted them to celebrate Nathalie's birthday together because of Niall taking her to Ireland on the actual date.  
"It's alright. Besides, Nathalie loves having two parties, even though she doesn't seem to have understood that she'll get her gifts today too."  
"Thank you." Harry smiles, finishing his tea when Anne ruffles his hair one last time before joining her daughter and granddaughter in the kitchen.  
"No need to thank me Haz. Now go have a shower and come downstairs when you're done, I'm going to go check if my kitchen isn't being burnt down."

That evening, Nathalie's passed out in her car seat as soon as he puts her in it, her crown askew on her head. Harry finally managed to get all gifts she's gotten from his mum and sister in the trunk, and walks over to hug them one last time. "Thanks again mum, for the bike, of course, but even more for the party today. She loved it. And so did I."  
"You're welcome Harry, take care, alright?"  
He nodds. "Yeah, and please, stop spoiling her so bad, I'll end up needing an extra house to put all her stuff in if you keep going. Same goes for you Gems."  
Gemma protests that she only bought a doll and a play kitchen and a play store. "Besides, I'm allowed to spoil my godchild Harry."  
He chuckles and pulls her in for a hug. "Whatever. See you soon, yeah?"  
They part ways with promises of visits in Harry's Nathalie-less weeks and once again Harry is so, so happy to have his family to help him through this post-divorce mess.

 

\--

 

Louis' still half asleep when he arrives at work that Monday morning. He might have stayed up too late because after Liam'd come round to pick up Zayn who'd fallen asleep on Louis' couch, he felt a bit lonely when they left. It's what he hates the most about his single life really, going to bed alone. Even more than the bed that just feels too large for just him, he hates the fact that he's the only one walking up the stairs, that there's no one to say goodnight to. So sometimes, whe the loneliness comes back with a vengeance, he stays up way too late and he suffers the consequences the next morning. Even tea couldn't help him today.

He's searching his pockets for that stupid badge he needs to login when someone walks right into him. He's about to turn around and make a remark about being too hungover to see where you're walking (it's only staff in this part of the hospital, so at least it's semi-safe to do that) when he's met with green eyes and curly hair and teeth worrying pink lips. "Oh, shit, sorry! I didn't watch where I was going in my hurry!"

"It's fine," he mutters, and finally, there's the badge he was looking for. He slides it past the machine, waits for the beep and stuffs it back into his coat pocket while walking towards the mail room. 

"Louis, right? With a silent s?" Harry asks, and  _jesus_ can't he just be left alone? "Had a rough weekend?" _Really???_

"Just Monday morning blues, it'll be alright by noon," he can't help the smile that accompanies the words, even though he really doesn't know where it comes from. Especially since it's  _Monday morning_ and Harry's an intern and he stopped investing in friendships that wouldn't last a long time ago. 

"Ah, yes, Mondays always are the worst." Harry nodds, and Louis  _doesn't_ notice the way his curls bob along with his head. "Anyway, this is my turn, see you at lunch, maybe!" And then he's off.

Mondays  _are_ the worst though, especially because his mornings are filled with staff meetings and crisis consultations and it always leaves him feeling drained by noon already. Especially today, when he was halfway there when he arrived at work. Hannah texts him to meet at the cafeteria for lunch and he agrees, even though he's semi-obligated to attend a lunch seminar about scientific research. He's too tired to listen to people droning on and on about numbers and symptoms and possible remedies. Hannah's already there when he arrives, animatedly chatting with Harry while poking her fork into her food. It looks disgusting, honestly, although the menu led to believe it was quality food, so he orders a club sandwich instead and grabs a large mug of tea before joining them at the table. 

"Ah, Louis! You settle our little argument here, please. Twilight or Vampire diaries?" Hannah asks him before he's even sitting down.

"Hunger games." he blurts out, and his eyes go wide at the loud laughter Harry lets out, and even wider at the way he hides behind his hand in a weird kind of embarassment.  _Wow._

Hannah groans. "Louiiiiiis, seriously. Twilight or Vampire diaries?" She whines.

"Yeah, seriously, Hunger games. Preferably the books." And he doesn't notice the way Harry smiles mirthfully, biting his lip to keep his smile from growing even wider. Oh, and there's the dimples again too. 

"I'm telling you Hannah, vampires shouldn't sparkle. And I don't understand what everyone sees in that Edward-guy. He's stupidly pale!" Harry argues, and Louis smiles through his sandwich at the way she rolls her eyes. Perhaps he should've warned Harry about how passionate she can get about things she feels strongly about.

"He. Is. Hot. Harry." she insists, looking at Louis for backup. And well, technically he should support Hannah because they've known each other for a way longer time, but Harry is kind of right. The guy _is_ stupidly pale, and glittery vampires are wrong in so many ways.

"I'm with Harry here, sorry Han."

"Besides, Vampire diaries has the advantage of Paul Wesley, now  _he'_ _s_ something worth looking at." Harry adds and Louis almost chokes on his sandwich because  _oh._ Oh. 

 

The rest of the week goes by pretty much the same. Louis tries to catch some more sleep though, to be able to survive his patients. Lunch breaks are all spent with Harry and Hannah, and filled with banter and just... fun. That much fun even, that Louis decides to be bold, and when he catches Harry at the check-out clock on Friday night, he blurts it out.

"Hey, uhm, would you, maybe? Would you like to go for a drink tonight?"

Harry looks terribly torn and Louis regrets it as soon as the words are out.

"Shit, no sorry, that was... I crossed a line." he swipes his badge across the clock and hurries outside to his car, only making it three steps before Harry's hand is on his arm.

"Louis, wait! I'd love to. Go out for drinks, that is, but just, not tonight?"

"Oh," relief washes through his body. Maybe he wasn't wrong in expecting something friendshippy from Harry. "Okay, tomorrow, maybe?"

"Yeah... no, I've kind of got plans for the entire weekend. Next Saturday, perhaps?" Harry asks, doing that thing again where he bites his lip. His dimples pop out when Louis confirms that yeah, next Saturday sounds great, and it doesn't make something flutter in his stomach.

Nobody has to know that he drives home with a smile edged on his lips.


	5. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! You probably thought I was dead or summat. I'm not though, and even though I'm not as sure anymore about this story, I decided to write another bit for it today!

Louis' eyes almost pop out of their sockets when he reads the text message that made his phone ding at his first meeting that Monday.

_Louissssssssssss!!!! omg omg img ogm!!!! Last chemistry lab today and he asjed mle outttttt._

Lottie was apparently in a hurry and/or in a frenzy when she wrote him the text, because usually she pays more attention to her writing when she texts him. Must mean she's really excited about her lab-assistent asking her out. At least, that's what he thinks she means, because the guy -Mike, he believes- has been all she talked about through their phone calls and even for the fifteen minutes he'd seen her when he went home to Doncaster (he was leaving, she just arrived) last weekend. He ignored the weird glances from his co-workers and schooled his face back into that of a professional psychologist who is perfectly capable of discussing a patient's problems on a staff meeting. He can do this. And if he hurries out to his office that's more a hole in the wall to call her first thing when the meeting's over, wel pshhhh, it's just out of worry about his sister's wellbeing.

"Wear that blue dress you bought when you were over here last month. You look good in it, yet not slutty or cheap." He advises her, right before there's a knock on his door. "Shit Lots, I've got a patient coming in. Take care, alright?" He doesn't even wait for her reply, just hangs up and slips his phone back into his pocket before he goes to answer the door. A shy, brunette girl he recognizes as Amy who'd been admitted just last week is standing there, tears drowning her big brown eyes and he's automatically back into his role of psychologist when he lets her in.

Lunch comes not a minute early, he's quite exhausted as his session with Amy was only the first of five emergency consults and he feels kind of drained. Usually he can take it quite easily, but sometimes their misery just hits him square in the chest and crawls under his skin. He can't always find a reason for it, but it makes his job exhausting enough.

Hannah and Harry are already in the cafeteria when he arrives there, and the lunch menu he sees people coming back with from the counter actually looks good, so he decides to spare him the cooking that evening. Harry throws and envious look at his chips, looking back down at his home made sandwiches. Louis lets out a chuckle, feeling lighter already, if only because of their company and throws some chips on Harry's sandwich wrapper before even sitting down. "Mummy made your sandwiches, then?" he teases, and it's when Harry's smile comes back a bit wry, just shaking his head instead of teasing him back, that he realises how little he actually knows about Harry-the-intern. His expression isn't exactly inviting to ask about it either, so Louis starts eating, waiting for Hannah and Harry's conversation to pick up again so he can join in when it's fitting. Twenty minutes later, Hannah's gone to the bathroom so he's left with Harry at their table. The silence a bit awkward and tense between them and he hates it. 

"Hey, look, I'm sorry about that remark about your mum preparing your sandwiches. I don't know much about you, but apparently it wasn't a good thing to say, so..."

"It's alright," Harry interrupts him, and his smile seems only a little bit off when he gets up to join Hannah who's just come back. He probably shouldn't be able to tell when Harry's smile is off, Louis thinks,  it's only been three weeks since they've met, but there's no time left to dwell on it because his cell phone is ringing insistenly in his pocket, Zayn's name flashing on the display.

 

\--

Harry feels a bit lost. Niall's picked Nathalie up from school, and after a week and a half, the house feels empty and silent. Sure, there are advantages to their arrangement, for example he has time to study or read, he can go out without having to call a babysitter and there's no harm done if he doesn't vacuum for three days, but the first day without his little girl bouncing around the house is always horrible. Harry wonders if he'll ever get used to it, saying goodbye for the week and then being with her for the next week almost non stop. Right now, it definitely doesn't feel like he will. But yes, no matter how shitty this is, it's mostly shitty for him and Niall, and not as much for Nathalie. Not as shitty as it would've been if they'd stayed together. Harry still vividly remembers how things were the last couple of months before him and Niall finally decided on getting a divorce. How Niall used to come home from his gigs early in the morning, smelling of smoke and stale beer, in the end sometimes of another man's after shave. How they fought with hushed voices not to wake Nathalie up before she had to get up for daycare. How he hardly ever came home for dinner, making excuses about overtime at his daytime job. They never even talked in a normal way anymore, only fought and were angry at each other. Sometimes, Harry felt lonely now, but the loneliness had been far worse when he didn't know where his husband had gone off to. 

Lily Allen's Fuck You starts him, and he rolls his eyes at the screen before he picks up. "What did you forget this time?" he asks, not ever bothering to greet Niall who's calling him.

"Her sports bag? She says it's a red one, I must've been mistaken this morning when I stopped by to pick up her stuff. I've got a blue one here with your volleyball gear in it."

Harry sighs and patters to the hallway, his bare feet slapping against the wooden floorboards in the living room. Indeed, Nathalie's gym bag is still next to the shoerack, and his volleyball bag is missing. "Yeah, it's here. Should I bring it over?" he offers.

"Nah, 't's fine, I'll pick it up in the morning on the way to school, unless you needed your volleyball stuff tonight?" Niall replies.

He snorts. Truth be told, he doesn't even know why he keeps the stuff in a bag, ready to go, because it's been at least six months since he's been at the club, and even before that he hardly ever made it there. He doesn't tell Niall as much, because it might be true that his life is far from organised right now, but he doesn't want Niall to know, doesn't grant Niall any kind of satisfaction from knowing Harry suffered from their break up. "Tomorrow's fine. I'll probably be gone already when you pass by, so just use your key."

"'Aight. Nat wanted me to say hi, and that she misses you." Niall adds, and waited only just long enough for Harry to reply he missed her too before he hangs up.

 

\--

On Wednesday evening, Louis, Liam and Zayn are in their usual boot at the pub around the corner of Louis' house. They're always there on Wednesdays, have found themselves enjoying the live musicians that are sometimes playing, and it's the only night Liam grants himself away from work for school. He's sickeningly dedicated to the kids he's entrusted with, and spends at least two hours every day thinking of new games, making new educational material for his classroom and so on. Except for Wednesdays. It's also the night Zayn never works for school because he doesn't teach on Thursdays, just councels a few hours in between grading papers and making lesson plans, so it's perfect.

"So, you're saying that this guy-"

"Harry," Louis interrupts Zayn who's watching him incredulously.

"Yeah, Harry-the-intern," Liam nods, assisting his fiancé in what is apparently doubting Louis' intentions.

"Harry," Zayn allows him, "You're saying that you just want him to be your friend. Yet you're looking for signs of him being upset with you, you analyze his facial expressions, and you've planned a date this Saturday."

"It's not a date!" Louis protests, because yeah, the rest is kind of true.  He's dropped some hints over the past two days, trying to get Harry to talk about his family, but he never indulges in the subject, so Louis isn't any wiser about why apparently the idea of Harry's mum preparing his sandwiches was bad enough for him to get a bit cross.

Zayn raises an eyebrow, and it's ridiculous how him and Liam sometimes seem to share one mind, because Liam has the exact same expression on his face. 

"It's not! We're just going out for drinks!" Louis exclaims, almost exasperated, because, really that's what this is. He'd never indulge himself in a workplace romance. Never. He wasn't his mum, after all.

"And he knows that this is just a friendly encounter, not anything close to a date?" Zayns offers, and yeah, maybe he has a point. They never specified things, but then again, do they need to? Wouldn't it be the other way around, that it needed specifying if it  _wasn't_ a friendly encounter that included beer.  

"You know what, we'll just come along, that way, he can't ever misinterpret it for anything but a night out with the lads," Liam suggests. Louis groans at the idea of Harry being exposed to the weird coupliness that were Liam and Zayn, but maybe it's the best solution not to give mixed signals. Louis doesn't want anyone new, not for a serious relationship anyway, definitely not at work, and the fact that Harry fits in the category of colleagues makes a one night stand even more impossible.

It's a shame though, that Louis will never get to see for real how Harry's long fingers look when splayed out on his stomach while he's blowing Louis. Not that he's ever entertained that thought, of course, let alone had a full blown fantasy about it. 

 

\--

Harry's already at the pub when Louis arrives on Saturday night. He's taken his time deciding what to wear, wanting to look nice but not nice enough for it to be a date or anything leading up to one of their beds. In the end, he's decided on black tight jeans and a dark blue button down with the top button undone. Harry looks different from the way he does at work, Louis notices. While he usually wears slacks and a button down shirt hanging over them, he's now dressed in the tightest pair of jeans Louis has ever seen, underneath a thin white T-shirt with a red and blue checkered shirt hanging open on top of it. He's smiling at nothing in particular while sipping his beer, back leaning against the bar as he sits on a stool in front of it. It's as if his entire face lights up when he spots Louis walking towards him, and his smile is contagious. Once he's reached the bar, Louis isn't sure how to greet Harry. If it were Zayn or Liam, he'd give them a kiss on the cheek, or a hug, others he'd greet with a handshake or just a simple hello. At work, they just say hello, but right here and right now, it feels inadequate. In the end, he settles for a slap on Harry's shoulder before he leans over the bar to order him a beer as well, and a refill for Harry. The pub is getting crowdy, but they manage to secure a booth to sit at and after a couple minutes of awkwardness, conversation starts flowing as it always does during their lunchbreaks. Beer flows richly as well, even richer after Zayn's called that him and Liam won't make it because one of Zayn's sisters in trouble and they need to go and meddle for her with their parents. When the bartender announces the last round at 2am, they've talked about anything and everything. From the sense and nonsense of Freud's theories to football and fashion trends, and Louis feels a bit unsteady on his feet when he gets up to fetch them one last beer. 

"But who I've always found even worse than Freud, was Lacan. Seriously, he can bullshit about if you ask me. I don't understand how patients put up with their therapists if they believe in theories like that," Louis continues their conversation from an hour earlier when he comes back. Harry just laughs his loud, uninhibited laugh and clanks his glass against Louis'. 

"It's quite obvious that you're not much of a psycho-analyst, Lou." He smiles with mirth obvious on his face and in his voice.

"To be honest, I thought it was interesting until one of my supervisors thought it fitting to analyze his students instead of helping them out with their problems. That put me off for good." He takes another swig of his beer. "I think I told him as much after he'd spent half an hour of our supervision session questioning the motives of one of my fellow students for putting her phone and keys on the table. She just had no fucking pockets in her skirt and she expected a call from her ward about a patient she was treating. He should've been in an asylum, I'm telling you!" 

Harry smiles and bites his bottom lip. "So what kind of psychotherapeutic school do you consider yourself part of then?" His eyes are slightly squeezed together, as if he'd be able to see it written on Louis' face if he was attentive enough.

"I've completed a course of systemic psychotherapy, but I'm also a big fan of behavioral therapy. Not too much bullshitting for me, either way."

The next five minutes are spent by discussing how Harry would also choose either of those, is just not entirely sure which one to pick yet, but he should finish his psychology degree first anyway, and then the bartender kindly asks them to leave, as they're the last ones inside. 

Louis' steadiness hasn't exactly improved, but he can tell Harry's isn't much better, so he offers to walk him home, even if Louis lives quite close and will probably have to make a detour to get to Harry's. It ends up the other way around when Harry has the wit to ask him where he lives first, so they walk the three blocks side by side, conversation being continued with bits and pieces on the way. They've just bumped into each other for the seventh time since turning the corner to Louis' house when Louis announces he's there. 

"So." Harry starts, apparently not planning on anything but that one word.

"So." Louis repeats.

"You're here."

"Yeah."

"Goodnight then."

Louis nods. "Yeah, see you on Monday."

"Hmm-hmm."

"Sweet dreams, Harry-the-intern," Louis smiles, evoking a small bout of laughter from Harry.

"You too, Louis-the-psychologist-with-two-degrees." His eyes twinkle as he says it, and before he knows it, Louis' leaning up on his tip toes and pressing a kiss to the corner of Harry's mouth, off center just enough to blame it on his lack of balance when Harry questions it. He waves quickly and then opens the front door, hurrying inside too quickly to see how Harry's fingers stay pressed against that precise spot on his lips for a while longer before he turns around to walk home.


	6. Five

Harry is very, very happy that Nathalie's with Niall when he wakes up. His head is pounding, his tongue feels like sandpaper and everything is just too loud. He checks the time, 11am, which is obviously why he's awake because he'd set his alarm clock to work on his dissertation. He groans and rolls over to his back, weighing his options. A flashback from the night before hits him. Louis' blue eyes filled with mirth and slightly unfocused because of how much he'd drunk already.

"You know, I think the most important thing to keep doing this job is to make sure you take care of yourself at least as much as you take care of your patients. If not, you'll burn out before you're properly started."

He's right, Harry decides, resets his alarm to 2pm and goes back to sleep after having taken the paracetamol he'd put on his nightstand before coming to bed. 

+

Louis' woken up by his doorbell ringing incessantly, accompanied by someone banging on his door and yelling his name. Trying to ignore it is fruitless, they're probably going at it for a while now anyway, if it's woken him up. He grabs a robe, steps into his slippers and makes his way to the door, massaging his temples in an attempt to get rid of his headache. He really had too much beer yesterday.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He asks, his harshest tone on, as soon as he opens the door. Lottie, who is on the other side, seems less than impressed. 

"Trying to wake you up because obviously getting drunk was more important than remembering your sweet sister's visit.

"Shit." Louis groans. He had indeed completely forgotten about Lottie's visit today, even though they'd only arranged in on Thursday.

"Hmm-hmm. Go shower, I'll make you coffee." Even if she's annoyed with him, Lottie's still the best. He tries not to think of how she's probably only going soft on him because everyone around him still feels sorry and overprotective of him because of Stan leaving him. He succeeds relatively well.

 An hour, a shower, three cups of extra strong coffee and two pills of paracetamol later, he feels relatively alive again and is trying to pick what he wants for lunch. He's taken Lottie to a new posh little café that's opened just two weeks ago, and serves the best eggs benedict in history, according to Liam. Lottie's sipping from a glass of champagne, but he's taken the safer road of fresh orange juice, not quite sure if more alcohol would serve the greater good of having to go to work the next day. In the end he decides on a sunny side up sandwich with bacon and cheese, Lottie chooses a chef's salad and grins when their waiter offers a free refill of their drinks. It's easy to tell she likes it here.

"So, your date on Friday? Did you do cool science experiments or did he actually take you somewhere normal?" Louis teases, ducking away from Lottie's slapping hand.

"Mike is a really nice guy!" she protests. "He took me to a really nice restaurant, good food, nice atmosphere, fancy but not as much that you need to wear gala to get in. We had dinner, talked a lot, and we have quite a bit in common. It was nice."

"Nice?" Louis quirks an eyebrow. "Nice, as in, I wasn't bored to death, or nice as in, I like him so much my heart went overdrive the entire time and I wanted to hump him so badly?"

"Lou!" she scolds! "Not everyone is a fucking caveman like you are! But nice as in I wouldn't mind seeing him again which is good because we're going out again next week." Her cheeks are flushed a bit, as well as the tips of her ears, and it's rather cute. As long as Louis doesn't ponder too much on the idea of his little sister being a sexual creature, he's fine with her dating. Usually. 

"I'm happy for you Lots," he offers when the waiter that brought them their food has disappeared again. "You deserve someone nice, who treats you well, who makes you happy."

"Thanks Lou." She smiles warmly.

They're quiet for a couple of minutes, both enjoying their food and simply content to be in each other's company.

"Have you heard from Fizz?" Louis asks after a bit, referring to their younger sister who's studying abroad for a year. She'd completed her A-levels the summer before, and went away to the US right after. She seems awfully busy having fun over there, somewhat neglecting her family back home, as the last time Louis' heard from her was six weeks ago.

"Just a text last week, and we skyped 3 weeks ago, but she's hardly ever home, I think. Having lots of fun and making the most of it."

"Can't blame her, now's the time she's got to do it."

"Hmmm, 's true. How're you? I mean, apart from what you tell me on the phone. Are there any boys in your life?"

"Not really. Just Zayn and Liam, I suppose." Louis replies, willing the blood he feels migrating to his cheeks to stay away from there, but to no avail. Lottie's noticed it anyway.

"Really now? Quit lying, big bro, spill the beans!" Lottie prods him eagerly. "Is he the reason you were hungover as fuck this morning?"

"He's not! Though he was there when I got drunk."

"Aha! So there is a guy!" Damn it, he'd just walked into her trap with his eyes wide open. 

"He's just a friend, Lottie. Besides, he's an intern at work, it would mean nothing but trouble if I got with him." Louis retorts, shuffling the last of his food onto his fork.

"But do you want him to be more than a friend?" Her voice has turned softer, more genuinely interested and less gossipy.

Louis shrugs. "It doesn't matter, like I said, he's an intern."

"He won't be an intern forever Lou. Come on, how long has it been since Stan left?" Louis feels his gut freeze over when Lottie mentions his name. It's stupid really, it's been such a long time. It surely isn't normal to still feel this way now. He should know, he's a psychologist for fuck's sake.

"Two years," he hears himself say and it sounds as if spoken through an old landline, metallic and mechanical. He smiles softly as Lottie grips his hand tightly.

"Seriously Lou, you deserve to be happy again."

"I am happy." Because he is, most of the time. He doesn't need anyone in his life to be happy. Rather on the contrary, perhaps.

"You know what I mean Louis. You deserve someone to be happy  _with._ " She sighs when Louis shrugs. "But even if he's just a friend," _for now_ , Louis can hear her think it, "tell me about him. What's his name, what does he look like, what's he like, I want to know everything!"

Louis snorts out half a laugh, amused by Lottie's enthusiasm before he starts telling her about Harry. She seems delighted to hear about him, voices as much too, and it's only when they're on their way back to his house after another cup of coffee that he realises how he still hardly knows anything about Harry's private life. They've talked about work and hobbies and sports, but never about relationships or family. Weird. Now that he comes to think of it, Harry doesn't know much about his private life either.

"Oh my god," Louis groans at the realisation. "I've -kind of- kissed him last night, and I'm not even sure if he is in a relationship or not. Oh god, Lottie, what if he's taken? I've made a fool out of myself!"

"Wait, you kissed him?" she asks, clearly surprised by this turn of events. 

"Just a small peck on the corner of his mouth, and then I quickly went inside. So maybe he wanted to tell me he has a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend, who knows?. Fuck... I've got to call in sick tomorrow! I can't see him, ever again. I knew this was a bad idea, I should call Hannah and explain to her why we can't eat together anymore as long as Harry's her intern and -"

"Louis William Tomlinson." Lottie's got his arm in a vice grip as she presses him against the wall of his kitchen, the tiny hooks for his tea towels pressing uncomfortably into his butt. "Shut the fuck up. You're going to work tomorrow and you're going to face him. If you kissed him, you obviously like him and I'm not letting you waste that, even if you keep saying you can't be with him because he's an intern. At least solve this little  _thing_ like the adult you're supposed to be instead of the dysfunctional teenager you still are at heart. Sometimes, at least." She sounds stern and he's almost a little bit afraid of her. Definitely impressed though, she obviously learned from the best.

"Allright, then, I suppose."

"Damn right. Well, I better run if I want to catch my train back, but I'm calling you tomorrow evening and you won't know what's happening if you've bailed out of facing this Harry, got it?"

"Got it." His voice sounds weak and meek, not at all like he wants to sound in front of anyone, let alone his sister, but he can't really help it. 

"Good. Now kiss me and give me a hug." Her arms are spread out already, and her hug is warm and firm, and he tears up a bit when she whispers to take care of himself before pressing a sticky kiss to his ear and lets go. 

"Love you, Lottie." He adds, because he doesn't know how else to express this.

"You too, Lou. It's why I'm doing this! Now bye!"

 --

 

Seeing Harry at work that Monday could've been awkward, but it's not. Not when they run into each other at the office where they both stop to collect their mail (and Harry's collecting Hannah's) and Harry greets him cheerily as "Louis-the-psychologist-with-two-degrees," and Louis replies to "Harry-the-intern." It gets them strange looks from the secretaries, but they just grin at each other and wave before each going their own way. Lunch break is much the same, and Louis' kind of glad he's already seen Harry in the morning, or he would've been too nervous and even might have considered going to the lunch seminar he's been carefully avoiding for almost three months now. He's happy with the way things are now, the way they can still act like colleagues, nothing has really changed. 

That evening, he's in front of the telly, watching the news when there's a story about a couple of newborn penguins at London zoo. One of them is just incredibly fluffy, and doesn't seem to know what's expected of him so he's hanging back a little in order to be able to follow the others. Before he knows it, he's put his plate of instant lasagne to the side and is typing out a text to Harry.

_There's this little penguin on the news and he reminds me of you!_

It's not that he expects an immediate reply, but when there's still nothing after an hour, he starts to worry. Maybe he's got the wrong number, but then again, Harry did show up at the right pub after he'd sent him the address on Friday. Or maybe he's overstepped a boundary he wasn't aware of, they haven't been texting each other at all, maybe this is downright inappropriate. He's pretty much decided that it actually  _is_ inappropriate, especially because Harry's an intern and Louis' kind of his superior, is trying to word an appology when his phone starts buzzing in his hand. 

_What? Why would a penguin remind you of me? I'm far more elegant. I'm offended!_

Louis snorts, and a strange sense of relief floods him when he starts typing a reply.

_Harry-the-intern, you're a lot of things, but elegant isn't one of them. Sorry. It was a very cute and fluffy penguin though. You should be flattered, not offended._

Harry's reply is instant this time. 

_Tsssskkkkk I'm not fluffy. Unless when I've washed my hair and gone to bed without blow drying it. I never learn. *sigh*_

Louis is most definitely not imagining it. Not Harry in the shower, not a mop of exploded hair on his head when he's been too lazy to blow dry it before bed, not how his hair would feel if he ran his fingers through it. He's not, because it would be a stupid and foolish thing to do. They're friends, that's it. 

_I find the thought utterly repulsive._

_Fuck you, Louis-two-degrees-psychologist._

_No thanks._ But what his mind screams is yes! yes please! He ignores it.  _Btw, you free on Wednesday night? Me and my mates could use a new face around on our pubnites._

+

Harry bites his lip. It feels a little like they're flirting, but he's not sure if it's what it really is. He's out of practice really, he'd been with Niall for such a long time he hardly remembers who he was before their relationship. The thing is, he wants to go with Louis and his friends on Wednesday, he could really do with some new friends because half of the ones he had have disappeared over the divorce, either not knowing how to hold themselves around him, either having picked Niall's side. Or they were Niall's friends to begin with. He's still got a couple of friends, but they're always busy with their own relationships and their kids, so yeah, new friends would be nice. The thing is also, it's his week with Nathalie. Usually he tries to be around as much as possible when she's with him, especially this week, because it's her birthday next Sunday and she'll be in Ireland for it. But he might not get asked again. He was already lucky that Louis didn't mind rescheduling their first night out. 

"Harry?" Niall sounds surprised when he picks up his phone. It's not that it's that late in the evening though.

"Uhm, yeah, hey. I- Uhm. Could you watch Nathalie for me on Wednesday night? I've got this thing at work I should go to, at my internship, I mean, so..."

Niall sounds weird when he replies. Almost- happy? "Sure, should I pick her up from school or just come over after dinner so she can sleep at yours?"

"I- Uh. She can sleep over here, it's fine. It might be late though, if that's not a problem for you?"

"No, 's fine. See you Wednesday then!"

"Yeah, see you. And thanks."

Harry stares at his phone for a while, baffled at how this probably was the first normal conversation he's had with Niall in ages. No fighting, no underground hatred or jabs. It was good to be able to talk like this. He's so overwhelmed by it that he almost forgets to reply to Louis' text.

_Wednesday's perfect. Your mates seem cool!_

He's just stuffed his phone back into his pocket when he hears Nathalie shuffling about upstairs, and judging from her sniffling, she's had another nightmare. Niall'd said she's had some of those last week as well, so he goes up to find and comfort her, even allows her to sleep in his bed.

He feels himself smiling down at her when she's sound asleep again, arms wrapped around the teddy bear Harry and Niall had picked out before her birth. Her hair's already in knots on her head, but it's growing quickly now, so maybe the haircut wasn't that bad. He kisses her forehead gently before he turns around to put out the lamp and right at this moment, he feels like he's got everything he needs right there.


	7. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is 4500 words of unedited stuff. I wrote it in one afternoon, so I haven't got time to edit it, but wanted to get it out to you all anyway.   
> I might have found someone to beta for me in the future, so yay!   
> And also, much kudos to the very lovely Thecellardoor for listening to my whining about Niall and Harry and discussing their relationship with me!
> 
> Enjoy!

Niall arrives early that next Wednesday, Harry and Nathalie are still at the table and it’s a little awkward when Nathalie invites Niall to join them. It’s been over a year since Harry and Niall have last shared a meal, but luckily Nathalie saves them by talking on and on about her adventures at school. Niall offers to load the dishwasher, so Harry can go and soon enough he’s on his way to the pub after pressing a kiss to Nathalie’s forehead and promising her he’d come to say goodnight when he comes home again.

Despite the fact that he’s 5 minutes early, Louis’ there already, together with two guys who look like they’ve escaped from a Gucci-advert. Louis could easily be a model as well though, Harry reminds himself, so he probably shouldn’t be this surprised. Louis’ eyes crinkle with his smile once Harry joins them, and he introduces them to each other. Zayn is the one with the darker skin, black hair that’s a stylish mess on top of his head but warm and friendly eyes when he shakes Harry’s hand. The other one’s Liam. He’s more bulky and looks like he could easily snap Harry’s legs in three equal pieces, but he’s all kindness, and Harry figures it makes sense that the guy teaches kindergarten.

Harry fits right in with them from the start, conversation flowing as easily as it had when he’d been here alone with Louis and it feels nice. Maybe he’ll be able to call Zayn and Liam his friends as well, in a while. Harry quits drinking after the third pint, not wanting to be wasted when he’ll be alone with Nathalie all night, but the other three keep a steady pace. Louis’ getting loose and pliant next to him, leaning his shoulder against Harry’s arm and it seems like his thigh is pressing closer and closer to Harry’s with every sip of his glass. His skin feels hot where they touch, Louis radiating warmth through his long sleeve and black jeans. He can’t keep his eyes of Louis’ face either, loves the way it lights up when someone says something funny, the way his teeth show when he giggles and how his lips move when he speaks. He thinks Zayn catches him looking a couple of times, but he merely smirks a little, so Harry tries not to blush and ignores it.

It’s almost midnight when Liam and Zayn announce they should head home because they’ve got to be responsible teachers in the morning, and even though Harry knows Louis has to get up early for work as well, he hears him groaning and whining about them leaving. When they don’t budge, Louis turns to Harry and really, he’d love to stay some more, spend some time with Louis. (Alone, he thinks and it gets a bit much for his sluggish brain) but he’s got Niall babysitting Nathalie at home, so he should go as well.

The fact that Liam and Zayn are waiting for them outside the door makes a good excuse not to offer to walk Louis home, and apparently the couple was planning on doing so anyway. He says his goodbyes and pulls the hood of his sweatshirt over his head to protect him from the misty rain that’s started falling  since he’d entered the pub and walks home at a steady pace.

\--

 

Louis’ head feels like it’s about to explode when his alarm clock goes off the next morning. The high pitched sounds seems to split through his brain and a throbbing headache appears as soon as he sits up. Perhaps drinking as much as he’d done last night wasn’t the smartest idea when he had to work the next morning. Too late now though.

At least he’d been smart enough to put painkillers on his nightstand with a glass of water, so he swallows them before even trying to stand on his feet. A post-it that’s stuck on his bedroom door tells him it was actually Zayn who’d put the painkillers there, and he vows to send him a thank you text.

Once he’s showered and more or less awake, he remembers the night out in the pub. With every drink he’d felt more and more attracted to the lanky man next to him. He’d been stupidly touchy as well, but it didn’t seem as if Harry was very much opposed to it. Good. It would at least spare him awkward lunch hours at work. He also remembered Liam’s speech when they were walking him home though, and he groaned at the thought. Sure, it was really sweet of the two to be this protective of him, after they’d put him back together when Stan had left him in pieces, but honestly, they were overreacting. Even if him and Harry were on the same page when it came to being attracted to one another, it couldn’t happen, Harry was an intern at his workplace!

Besides, nothing had happened, apart from the half kiss they’d shared last Saturday, and nothing else would be happening.

\--

It’s after dinner on Friday when Niall picks up Nathalie to leave for Ireland, and once they’re gone, Harry feels properly lost. Tomorrow it’ll be four years ago that their surrogate had called him to tell them labour had started, and fourteen hours later, at two am, they’d seen their little girl for the very first time. He can’t remember how she’d looked or smelled those first few hours, but he does remember how it felt to sit in that chair, his T-shirt discarded in the corner and Nathalie in just her diaper and a white hat on his chest, covered up with a blanket. He’s sure nothing will ever compare to that feeling. Except maybe with another baby, he’d thought at the time, but right now, it seems very far-fetched to even think about having another baby.

He spends the night by looking through the pictures of Nathalie’s first year, and notices how tired both him and Niall look. It hadn’t been an easy year, with her crying a lot and sleeping little, but much to his surprise, it’s mostly the great times that he remembers. The first time she ate broccoli, and all of them were covered in it. The first time she said dada, when him and Niall chose to accept it as a compromise between daddy and papa. The first time she sat on her own, crawled, pulled herself up and just before her birthday, when she’d taken three steps while holding Harry’s hands. Harry knows he hadn’t seen Niall much throughout that year, but he still remembers it as their last happy year together. They still smile, tiredly but truthfully in photographs together.

Harry’s glad when he receives a text from Louis the next morning, asking him to join him at the pub that night, Zayn and Liam are going to a play and he doesn’t feel like sitting on his couch by himself.

_Fish and chips beforehand?_ He texts back, already looking up against having to cook for himself today. He’s happy Louis agrees, and once he’s heard from Niall to set a time for Skyping Nathalie on Sunday, he goes upstairs to shower and get ready.

\--

Louis meets Harry at a shabby fish and chips stand in the city centre, thinking he looks nice. He’s wearing another pair of skin tight jeans, this time wearing a black band T-shirt on top. The coat he wears on top seems too thin for the chilly November weather, but it doesn’t really seem to affect him. He kisses Louis on the cheek before leading him inside  where there’s a handful of plastic tables and chairs for them to sit at. He goes to order their food while Louis’ still peeling of his layers of clothes, shivering from the idea alone of it being almost winter now.

They end up drunk at the pub, loose and pliant against each other, and after that, it becomes their Saturday evening getaway every two weeks, when Harry doesn’t have Nathalie with him. It makes it easier to be without her, and he’s grateful that Louis never asks why he can’t come out the other weeks. Not even when their Wednesdays show the same pattern.

December has just started when Harry’s tired of the pub, wants to go out to dance for once, and Louis agrees. They head out to a club that’s been rumoured to be loads of fun, and get steadily drunk together. They dance closely and have a great time, neither of them very much aware of the people around them. Louis feels drunk on something else than alcohol as well, and has to bite his lip when he sees Harry throwing himself completely into dancing to the bass. He excuses himself to the bathroom, pees while he’s there and then spends five minutes looking at himself in the mirror and splashing water into his face. He _can’t_. Harry is an intern, for fuck’s sake. He finally gets himself together well enough to his liking and walks straight into Harry when he exits the bathroom.

“Louiiiiiiiiis! I was getting worried, you were in there for such a long time!” Harry’s not drunk enough to really slur, but he talks even slower than he usually does, and it honestly shouldn’t be as much of a turn on as it is right now to Louis. It seems like all his water splashing was all for nothing.

Harry stumbles and ends up crowding Louis against the wall, and seriously, he only has so much restraint.

“Fuck, Harry. Can you promise me that this won’t change a thing between us? I mean, you have to forget I did this in the morning, because we honestly can’t be anything but friends, you’re an intern and I’m your superior. But damn it, you’re so fucking attractive, it’s unfair to anyone with eyes.” He feels like he’s way to drunk to give such a speech, but even so Harry seems to understand, because he nods and watches Louis with his big green eyes when he closes the distance, presses their lips together.

Louis has stopped believing in fireworks throughout kisses, but he has to admit this kiss is electrifying and just so, so good. So it’s only normal that the rest of their evening is spent kissing, until the lights come back on and they’re kindly asked to find a room.

He prouds himself on being able to let Harry go to his own house though, after one last kiss, and another promise that they’ll both forget about it in the morning.

Of course Louis doesn’t forget. He tries to, and he pretends to, but every time he looks at Harry’s lips, he remembers how well they fit against his. He never tells Zayn or Liam about that night though, doesn’t want to see their smirks and doesn’t want to hear their  told-you-so’s. So he pretends that nothing changed that night, and just enjoys Harry’s company when he joins them on Wednesdays, and pretends not to notice when Harry skips the next Saturday they’d normally go out together. He’ll be fine.

 

December has arrived and Harry feels more and more at home with Louis and his friends. He’s had a bit of a hard time pretending that one night at the club never happened, but he managed, and he’s glad. He’s even got an unofficial invite to Zayn and Liam’s wedding in a couple of months.

“Yeah, she’s like, the smallest girl in my entire class, and yet she offered to carry my bag because I was also carrying the laptop and the beamer , it was incredibly cute.” Liam is in the middle of a story about one of his pupils when Harry feels his phone buzz in his pocket. It would’ve been impossible to hear the ringtone over the buzz and the music in the pub, so he’d put it on silent before entering. He wasn’t expecting any calls anyway. He contemplates not picking up for a bit, but then decides to at least check who’s calling him. Niall. Fuck.

“Hey, um, guys, I’ve got to take this, be right back.” He mumbles, shuffling away from the table and waiting until he’sout of earshot before answering. “Hey Niall, is Nathalie alright?” It’sway after her bedtime, and Wednesday isn’t a typical day to call because Niall’d forgotten anything or to change plans for the weekend, so the only logical explanation seems that something’s wrong with Nathalie.

“Hey, Haz. Yeah, she’s perfectly fine, sorry if I scared you.” Niall sounds apologetic, apparently not having realised it would be the first thing Harry’d think of. “I um, I just. Oh fuck, you’re busy aren’t you? You’re obviously out, which is good, I mean, I’m glad you’re going out and everything.”

“I’m just at the pub with a couple of friends, Niall, it’s fine. So, what did you want to talk about?”

“A lot actually,” Niall sighs, and it kind of renders Harry speechless.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, it’s just, I’d like to talk some things through with you Harry, I mean, we’ve been divorced for over a year now, I reckon it’s time we start talking about it like the adults we are. Instead of fighting or only talking the strictly necessary about Nathalie.”

“Oh. Yeah, alright. I suppose that would be…good? I don’t know, but yeah, I get it.” Harry replies, having walked out of the crowdy pub and standing between the two doors that separate the warm interior from the cold and wind outside.

“How about lunch on Saturday? My parents are here for the weekend with Greg and his family and they wanted to take Nathalie to the zoo with them, so if you’re still free?” Niall sounds insecure, and that’s quite a change. It’s something Harry hasn’t heard in his voice for a very long time.

“No, I mean yes, I’m free on Saturday for lunch.” He answers, still a bit baffled by this conversation.

“Should I pick you up, or…”

And no, that’s all kinds of wrong. It makes their lunch sound like a date and it’s not that, could never be that again for ever and ever so, no. “No, I’ve planned some stuff for the morning, so I’ll just meet you somewhere, if that’s alright.”

“Yeah, sure, fine! There’s this new bistro-thing near the river, it’s really nice, maybe I could book us a table there?”

“Yes, that’s okay. Just text me the details, ok?”

“Will do.”

“And give my love to Nathalie.”

“Of course. See you Saturday, Haz.”

“Bye Niall.”

It takes him a lot of ‘excuse me’s to get back to their booth, but there’s a fresh pint waiting for him when he sits down again, his leg pressing up to Louis’ once again.

“Everything alright?” he asks him, and it’s only then that Harry realises that he’s still frowning a little. He schools his face back into a small smile and nods before taking a sip of his beer.

“Yeah, ‘s okay. Was just uh, a friend calling.” He replies before turning his attention back to the story Zayn’s telling now, something about a colleague who’s been in love with one of her students, he thinks. Louis frowns at him for a little while, but when he ignores it, he seems to give up on it. He’s not ready to have the entire talk about being divorced and having a kid yet. He’ll tell them all when the time’s right. Which is not now.

 

On Saturday morning, he’s vacuumed the entire first floor and Nathalie’s room, prepared dinner for that evening and is looking for something else to do until it’s time to leave for lunch with Niall. He’d been up early, unable to sleep any longer out of nervousness, unsure what Niall would want to talk about. Harry isn’t entirely sure if he’s ready to forgive him, and if that is what Niall’s looking for. Thinking about it won’t change much though, so he decides to grab his coat, scarf and gloves and go for a walk at the riverbanks before he’s due at the bistro.

It’s cold, even for mid-December, but the sun is out and there isn’t any wind. Harry enjoys this weather, it’s perfect for long walks, if Nathalie’s with him he’d take her bike with them because she claims walking is for the elderly, and she loves cycling. He’s alone now though, so he walks fast and reaches the river in only twenty minutes, leaving him with almost an hour before he’s supposed to meet up with Niall.

When he arrives, he sees Niall in the far back, near the window, and Harry has to admit the view is spectacular. There’s a small garden where ripe is still glistening on the grass and the leaves and just behind, there’s the broad river, water glistening in the sun and some boats slowly passing by every now and then.

Niall gets up when Harry arrives at the table, and it’s kind of awkward because they’re both unsure how to greet each other. A handshake is weird, nothing is even weirder, but that’s what’s been standard over the past year, really. Niall finally decides on a hug, eventually, and much to his surprise, Harry feels himself relax to the touch and hugs him back, squeezing each other tight for a couple of seconds before they take their seats.

A waiter arrives at their table in no time, Niall orders beer and Harry decides he wants a glass of red before they both indulge in the lunch menu. There aren’t a lot of options, but everything seems good so Harry finds it hard to pick anyway. Once they both have their drinks and their food is ordered, the silence gets a little uncomfortable, and Harry can see how Niall takes a big gulp of his beer before clearing his throat.

“I-I’ve called you to meet up because there’s a lot of things I want to tell you Harry. I feel like I still owe you an explanation about what happened to us since Nathalie was born, to start with at least.” He starts, looking up at Harry with a mix of hope and shame in his eyes.

Harry nods stiffly, hopefully encouraging Niall to go on. The first part of it isn’t really a surprise, of course he’d also noticed how they’d drifted apart after Nathalie was born. The new baby had put a strain on them and their relationship, what with Nathalie crying a lot and being a difficult sleeper. They’d taken shifts to take care of her after their work for the first year, and when they weren’t busy with Nathalie, they’d been sleeping. After she’d had her first birthday, things had changed for the better, she’d cried less and less, slept more and better, but suddenly it seemed as if Harry and Niall had become strangers. They hadn’t known what to talk about anymore, and Niall’s music career had gotten busier, he’d gotten more gigs so he was out more.

“It was March, I think, when I realised I was in love with someone else.” Niall tells him. This bit comes as a bit of a shock to Harry, because that had been a long time before their actual divorce. “It was a shock to me as well,” Niall smiles. “Not only did it make me realise that, however I still loved you, I wasn’t in love with you anymore. I hardly even knew you anymore. Also, it made me doubt pretty much everything I’d established until then. You know how I used to tell you how I could appreciate female beauty, but had never fallen in love with a woman before. I couldn’t ever imagine that changing, especially because I’d found you, and it seemed easier to consider myself gay. It was less of a hassle and explanations than being bisexual. My mother, for instance, she never would’ve understood, at the time. I’d met a woman though, through work, and it took only a couple of weeks before I was completely head over heels with her. It turned my world upside down, Harry, I can’t even begin to explain it. For the first time in my life I’d met a woman who I could see myself in a relationship with.”

“Were you though? Did you start a relationship with her?” It suddenly seems important for him to know, was Niall cheating on him for such a long time?

Niall smiles wryly and shakes his head. “No, no I didn’t. Couldn’t, for more than one reason. The project I was working on with her ended a couple of months later, and I was actually relieved. Hoped it was only a one time thing. But I noticed how I started to look at women differently after that. I tried to be interested in men only, but it was futile, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was indeed bisexual. It must’ve been June, when I finally did, but then there was still you, and Nathalie of course. I didn’t want to leave you, Harry, I really hope you believe me, but I got unhappier with every week I was in a relationship that didn’t work anymore. I couldn’t keep up with that. So that’s when I stayed out late, tried to avoid you, and we started to fight.”

“You could’ve tried talking to me, Niall.” Harry hears how bitter he suddenly sounds, even though he doesn’t want to. He feels how he’s grimacing and he hates it, he doesn’t want to be this affected by Niall’s story.

“I know, and- honestly, Harry, I tried. But I didn’t know how or where to start. I was an idiot and I took what seemed the easy way out.”

“I felt so-fuck. I felt so lonely that summer, Niall.” He has to bite his lip to keep the tears in, wills his voice not to break. “I wanted to make things work between us so badly,  but I felt like you didn’t give me a chance. You were never there when I was at home, and it felt like you left me with the care for Nathalie. Like you thought my study wasn’t important enough to get much time for, you were providing for us.”

Niall’s hand feels cold on his when he grabs it. “No, Harry, I’ve never thought your studies were unimportant. I know how much it meant to you to get your degree, and you have no idea how proud I am of you for reaching your goal even though it was hard on you, combining work and study and the care for Nathalie. And I know I’ve been selfish, I realise that.”

“Well, what’s done is done, I suppose.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m not sorry for the way I handled things.”

“Did you ever cheat on me, Niall? I remember you coming home smelling of other men, or maybe it were women, but I just never considered that.”

“No. I’d never cheat. I’ve never as much as kissed someone else before our divorce was finalised.” Niall replies. “I’ve spent more than one night out in a dodgy bar though, so I imagine that’s where that smell would’ve come from.” Harry looks up from where he’s staring at the table cloth and the earnestness in Niall’s eyes hits him square in the chest. No matter how much he hates having this conversation, it _is_ kind of good to hear all this as well. It offers him some kind of closure that he’s been looking for, for a really, really long time already.

“Okay.” He offers, and judging from Niall’s smile he understands the hidden message underneath that one word. He waits until their plates are taken away and they’ve received the menu to pick out dessert before continuing. “So, you consider yourself bisexual now?” He hopes it brings the conversation on a lighter path, one that doesn’t make him so damn emotional. It makes Niall blush and stutter though, something he hadn’t been expecting after how eloquent and well-kept he’d been throughout the entire conversation.

“Uhm, yeah, I suppose. It’s er… there was actually one more thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Okay?”

Their waiter interrupts once more, taking their orders for dessert, and Niall only seems to turn redder in the time before he can continue.

“I-I’ve got a girlfriend, Haz. I’ve known her for a while now, but I didn’t want to rush into anything with only just having divorced you and all, but well. She told me she wouldn’t wait any longer if I didn’t man up and kiss her soon. That was five months ago.”

It’s easy to see that Niall’s really gone for this girl. Harry sees that twinkle in his eyes that he always used to see when they were still madly in love. He’s a little bit surprised to find that he’s actually happy for Niall, and Niall seems surprised as well when he tells him as much.

“She’s more or less the reason that I wanted to come clean about all this. I wanted you to know the reason why I behaved like such an asshole, and maybe it would also ease you into the fact that you know, Barbara’s a woman.”

“That’s her name?” He asks, smiling at the heart eyes Niall’s making when he says it.

“Yeah, she’s a bass player in a band, I’ve met her at one of my gigs, her band was playing there as well, and we just kind of clicked.”

“Wow, a girl bass player, that even sounds sexy to me.” Harry admits, and it makes Niall chuckle.

“It’s sexy as hell, I tell you. But she’s sweet and all kinds of lovely as well. Would it- would it be alright with you if I introduce her to Nathalie?”

Harry knows he probably should’ve expected this question, but for some reason, he didn’t. He finds he doesn’t mind though, their relationship seems stable enough and Niall’s obviously crazy about her. He wouldn’t ask to introduce them if he wasn’t certain about her, Harry’s sure of that.

“Maybe you can come over to bring Nathalie to me next week? I could ask Babs to be there as well, so you can meet her too. I’ll talk to Nathalie tomorrow, I mean, tell her I’ve got a girlfriend now and things like that?”

“Sounds great Ni, I’m sure Barbara is lovely,” he smiles over his crème brûlée.

They have some more coffee while they talk about Nathalie, how she’s doing at school and old friends until Niall gets a call from his dad that they’re about to leave the zoo. Niall insists on paying the check, and even though Harry would’ve thought it made their lunch too much like a date, he lets him, now that Niall appears to have a girlfriend anyway.

They hug goodbye and Harry waves when Niall drives off in his shitty red car before starting his walk  back home. The sun is almost gone by now, so it’s chilly, but he doesn’t put his gloves on yet. Instead fishes his phone from his trouser pocket and looks for the name he wants.

“Ello?”

“Louis? It’s Harry. I uhm, I was wondering if you had plans for tonight? Or tomorrow early afternoon, whichever fits better. I want to talk to you about some things.”

 


	8. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a million to the very lovely Maddie for being my beta! It's the nicest yet the scariest thing in my history with writing, but I'm loving it!  
> Also thanks to TheCellarDoor for being around to listen to my whining about where I should take this story. (Have you found the song reference in the previous chapter yet darling?)  
> And also thank you so much to everyone reading and commenting on this, you have no idea how much it means to me!

Louis had sounded surprised on the phone, but nevertheless easily agreed on meeting up that same evening. It would've been their scheduled Saturday night out anyway, and Harry felt kind of giddy at the idea of Louis still planning nothing for _their_ night out. The pub didn't sound very appealing though, it was always busy and crowded, especially on Saturday nights when there was football on, so he decided to invite Louis over for dinner.

Thinking about it now, while he’s putting the meatloaf he’s just finished seasoning and stuffing with mozzarella like his mum always does in the oven, it sounds an awful lot like a date but Harry tries really hard to ignore that bit. He opens a bottle of red wine, knowing he’ll be grateful for the extra courage the alcohol might give him to let it air a bit. Next he checks if he’s put the dinner he’d prepared for himself that morning in the freezer and just when he’s readjusting the cutlery on the table, the doorbell breaks his never ending treadmill of thoughts.

Louis looks as if he’s freshly showered, and smells a little of vanilla and green apples when he presses a kiss to Harry’s cheek.

“Hey, ‘s good to see you,” he smiles, the skin next to his eyes crinkling slightly. “I missed you at lunch yesterday.”

Harry starts explaining how Hannah had dropped a shitload of work on his back before the weekend, seeing all newly admitted patients by himself, without her direct supervision, and he’d been fretting about his reporting about it. The conversation flows from one topic to the next while they wait for the oven timer to beep, and Harry’s only reminded that there was an actual goal he invited Louis for when he asks if he’d wanted help with his dissertation or summat. Harry’s still all smiles and cheer from Louis’ story about his sister Lottie and her new boyfriend, and he has to clear his throat to gather himself before starting.

“No, no, my dissertation is fine, well, as good as it’s supposed to be at this stage anyway. It’s… I wanted to talk to you, about me, actually. Well, my past. Because… Because you’re my friend, so you deserve to know, especially since I've found myself rather fond of you.” He wants to say he likes Louis, and he’s actually quite certain that Louis _knows_ that bit, but he swallows it and opts for fond instead. Louis’ smirk is full of mirth, but he merely lifts an eyebrow to encourage Harry to go on.

“I- I haven’t dated in a while. A very long while, actually. Which is why it kind of scares me now, because I feel out of practice, and honestly most of the time I feel like I don’t even remember how to flirt.”

Louis barks out a laugh at that, but it’s easy to tell that he’s being kind all the while. “Harry, honestly, you must be one of the biggest flirts I know, you do it _all the fucking time!_ ” he exclaims, and reflects all Harry’s objections with specific examples even, so yeah, maybe Harry is flirting rather a lot without even realizing.

“Whatever, that was not the point!” Harry finally says, rolling his eyes at Louis’ smugness when he knows he’s won the argument. “What I was trying to say, is, I haven’t dated for a while because I- I've had a nasty break up, just last year. Or well, a nasty divorce is more like it. We’d been together since we were fifteen and a half, married fresh out of college and the fire sizzled out after ten years.”

“Oh.” Louis’ quiet at that, and Harry would give up an arm to know what’s going through his head, but he might as well go all the way, swallow the bitter pill and all that jazz, so he adds, “Ten years and a baby.”

He can almost see Louis’ brain working while he just stares at Harry, blinking slowly, mouth slightly agape as if he’s not really sure if he’s heard correctly. The silence is leaden, and Harry awkwardly picks up his fork again to spear some peas on it.

“A- A baby?” Louis finally stammers, swallowing before he can produce any sound at all.

“We uhm, Niall and I, we have a daughter together,” he explains. “Nathalie. She’s just turned four, last month.”

Louis appears to have found his wit back, because “’s not a baby, she’s a proper preschooler already,” he jokes, and Harry smiles, relieved that the tension’s been lifted again.

“Yeah, yeah, she is,” he agrees. “She stays over at mine every other week, then switches to live with Niall down the street for the rest of the time, which is also…”

“Why you only come on Wednesdays and Saturdays every other week,” Louis cuts him off, and Harry smiles at the way his eyes widen in realization.

“Yes. Listen, Lou, I’m sorry I've never said anything before, ‘s just that… it seems like a lot of baggage for a 26-year old and I just don’t want to share Nathalie with anyone. Doesn't seem worth the effort and the judgement if people aren't sticking around anyway.” He’s looking at his hands in his lap, picking at the dry skin next to his fingernails, feeling kind of ashamed for the way he’s handled this.

“Oh, so you’re expecting me to stick around, then?” Harry’s eyes shoot up to Louis’ face and he lets out a sigh when he realizes Louis’ only teasing him. “It’s fine, Harry, I understand. I mean, doesn't everyone have baggage?” When Harry just shrugs he continues, picking at the edge of the tablecloth while he speaks. “Like, I’m 28 myself, and while I don’t have a kid, I have more than enough baggage to make me an emotionally crippled man when it comes to relationships.”

The story about Stan comes to the table then, and it’s almost natural how they both start clearing the table when they’re finished their meal. Louis talks about how they’d been together for a long time as well, met in college as friends, became a couple at uni and moved in together when they both started working. He’s trying not to sound bitter when he arrives at the bit where Stan had just been gone when he came home from work, but knows he fails nonetheless.

“All he’d left was a shitty note, stuck on the fridge with a magnet. _Sorry Lou,_ _‘_ _m just not ready to settle down yet._  Fucker.” Louis scolds, and Harry’s physically incapable of closing his mouth.

“Are you serious? He ends a five year relationship by just moving out his stuff and leaving you a note on the fridge?”

Louis nods, grabbing his glass of wine of the table and walking towards the large leather sofa at the other end of Harry’s living room. “Yeah. He even had the nerve to call me a month later to ask if he’d forgotten his Arctic Monkeys CD. Which he had, by the way, so I sent it to him by mail.” Harry frowns, because _really?_ But then giggles when Louis adds “in seven different pieces,” with a face-splitting grin.

Harry tells him more about Nathalie then, shows the picture of her he always keeps in his wallet and now that Louis knows, it’s suddenly obvious that there’s a kid living in this house, what with the boxes full of toys near the large windows, framed drawings on the walls and now that he thinks of it, the bright yellow raincoat in the entrance hall.

Once the second bottle of wine is finished, Harry’s been yawning for about half an hour, suffering the aftermath of waking up so early that morning. Louis puts his glass on the coffee table and stretches, his black shirt riding up a little to reveal tan skin and a trail of soft looking hair connecting his belly button to the waistband of his boxers.

“I should head home then, Harry-the-intern.” The nickname hadn't been used all night, and it feels a bit strange in here, in his own house. Louis seems to notice it as well, because he clears his throat and awkwardly fixes it shirt, trying to get the crinkles out by stroking it firmly with his hand. “I'll see you on Monday then?”

“Unless Hannah's letting _me_ do all the work again, yeah,” Harry jokes, getting up as well to accompany Louis to the door. The tiny entrance hall turns the atmosphere kind of cozy, there's the door to the hallway on one side, the front door on the other and to Harry's left, a cove where there's a bunch of shoes on the floor and coats on the wall. The window above the front door allows the light from a street lantern to filter through to the house and makes it unnecessary to put on the actual light. The orange glow softens Louis' face, accentuates the curve of his arse when he bends over to pick up his coat that's fallen on the floor. Harry looks and fails to cover his admiration with a cough. Louis' obviously noticed, if his small smirk is anything to go by. It's gone as soon as it arrived though, to be replaced by a soft smile.

“Thanks for tonight, curly. I had a good time. And thanks for trusting me, as well.”

Harry smiles back, ducks his head and is surprised when he feels Louis' hand on his cheek. Their eyes meet, and although it's just a small, soft kiss, it feels incredibly important. It's not much more than a brush of their lips, really, Louis' lips soft and gentle against his. Before he's well aware of what's happening, it's over again, Louis stepping through the door with a “bye, babe!” and Harry's left touching his lips once again.

 

That Monday, Louis' late to pick up his mail, and he supposes Harry's already at his ward. He tries not to think about the strange feeling of disappointment he's feeling at that. The rest of the morning is much of the same, staff meeting, emergency consults and then, finally, lunch.

Harry's walking in from the other side at the exact time Louis does, looking kind of disheveled and stressed out. Louis wonders for three seconds if the kiss he'd given him on Saturday had anything to do with it, especially because they hadn't texted on Sunday either. His doubt is removed as soon as Harry spots him though, smile bright as the sun, a tentative hand on the small of Louis' back when they meet up in front of the counter. It feels nice, actually.

“All right?” Louis asks, because Harry certainly doesn't look it.

“Yeah, no. Not really, but it'll be fine. Hannah's called in sick this morning, so I'm trying to keep my head above the water on my own and it's just crazy busy today. She's called me to tell me what to do though, so by the end of the day, things should be running smoothly again.” Harry sighs, and Louis feels for him. Hannah's working on one of the busiest wards of the entire hospital, patients coming in and leaving sometimes in the span of a couple of days, so Harry must really be stressed out. Especially on a Monday morning.

“Oh, didn't know she was sick. Hey listen, if you need any help, just call me, alright? I mean, I've obviously got my own patients to fend for, but I'm available for advice or any of that sorts,” he assures Harry. He orders his meal and stares the lady at the counter down for her weird look at Harry's arm that's still resting on his waist, casually. It's not like they're making out or anything, right?

 

Harry's quite exhausted when he comes home that evening. He'd called Louis once or twice, when he really needed his advice, but he still had to do all the consultations himself and some of the patients had seemed to suck all remaining energy out of him. He feels lucky that Nathalie looks pretty much dead on her feet as well, mumbling something about her day at school while she's in her car seat, fighting to keep her eyes open. It'll probably just be dinner and bed for her tonight. Maybe for him as well.

She sits on the counter while he's boiling water for the rice, the chicken cooking in the oven and carrots cut up on the board next to him. There's a big cup of water next to her, big enough that she has to hold it with both hands, and his heart skips a beat every time when she puts it down, temporarily forgetting that it's plastic and can't break.

“Daddy?” her voice breaks through the buzzing of the cooker hood. Harry smiles at her, swallows the carrot he's munching on before he replies.

“Yes butterfly?”

“Papa has a girlfriend, he says. Says she makes him happy. Why you not have a girlfriend?”

“Why I don't have a girlfriend?” he corrects her gently. “Well, butterfly, you know how I told you that some kids have a mum and dad, others have two mums or two dads, and some have only one mum or one dad?”

“Yesh,” she confirms, nodding solemnly.

“Do you remember why it's like that?” he prods, opening the oven and taking out the dish to put the carrots inside along with the chicken legs.

Nathalie thinks hard about that question, but finally shakes her head.

“It's because some dads love women, so they find a mum to live with. Other dads love men, so they find another dad, and some mums love other mums.”

“But I have two dads!” she exclaims, a frown creasing her forehead in the cutest way possible. Harry drops the bag of rice in the pot and takes out a chair, pulling Nathalie on his lap to continue the rest of his story.

“You do, butterfly. Because I loved your papa, very, very much. So much that we decided to have you. But then we stopped loving each other. It wasn't your fault, or your papa's, or mine. Sometimes, it just happens.”

“That's why I has two houses,” Nathalie interjects, and Harry confirm that, yes, that's why.

“Your papa sometimes loves men, that's why we were two dads, but sometimes he loves women. So now he found a girlfriend who makes him happy.”

“Is Bah-Barbra my mum then?”

“No butterfly, she's not. She's your papa's girlfriend, and maybe, later, when you all know each other really well, and you love each other very much, you'll think of her as your mum, who knows?”

“I don't understand, daddy.”

“That's alright, butterfly, the only thing you need to know is that your papa is happy with Barbara.”

“Why you not have a girlfriend daddy?” she prods, and Harry sighs. The timer is beeping, so he really needs to get the rice out of the water and the chicken out of the oven. He picks Nathalie up again and puts her back on her spot on the counter, close enough so they can have this conversation and far enough for her not to get burned.

“I only love men, butterfly, so if I ever love someone else, I will have a boyfriend, not a girlfriend.”

She seems happy with that answer, nods and smiles when he puts her down so she can run to sit in her chair. She's halfway through her chicken when she looks up, looking distressed. “Are you not happy, daddy?”

“What? Of course I'm happy butterfly, why would you ask?”

“Because you not have a boyfriend. Papa have a girlfriend to make him happy, but you has nobody.”

There's a lump in his throat when he smiles back at her, pets her hair for a little bit before he replies. “I've got you, butterfly. You make me happy.”

She's pleased with that answer, and falls back into silence as she's too tired to talk much about anything else. He brings her to bed once they're both finished eating, brushes her teeth for her, just this once, and tucks her in with a kiss. She doesn't even ask for a bedtime story, out like a light before he's out of her room.

 

_Never thought I'd have to explain bisexuality to a 4-year old. Not exactly what I needed after today._ He sends to Louis, not really expecting a reply, just wanting to get it off his chest. There's an incoming call soon after though, _Louis_ flashing on his screen.

“You want to talk?” is all it takes to make him smile again.


	9. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a whole lot of fluff, fluff and even more fluff. I can not be held responsible for rotting teeth.  
> Also. A lot of fluff always means there's a whole lot of angst just around the corner. Beware for the next chapter!
> 
> The story Harry reads to Nathalie really exists, by the way, it's in a Dutch book I'm currently reading to my daughter (though she's a little bit too young to listen for a page and a half yet :))
> 
> Again, thanks to the lovely Maddie for beta-ing this. She makes it ten thousand times more wonderful!
> 
> If you want to chat, I've reactivated my tumblr (though my blog is shit and full of reblogging pictures I like) so you're welcome to chat with me there! Lalalaartje is my username on most social network things, so you can find me under the same alias on Wattpad as well!

Hannah’s still home sick the next day, so Louis meets up with only Harry for lunch. Not that he minds. Rather on the contrary. He revels in the feeling of Harry’s large hand on his back as they wait to order their food, might even have waited for seven minutes and fifteen seconds to walk into the cafeteria until Harry arrived at the other entrance.

They mostly talk about work, because Harry’s got a lot of it now he’s fending for himself in his ward. Also because they’d talked for over an hour on the phone the night before, so there’s not so much news to share. They both leave in good spirits though, ready to face the rest of the day at work.

That evening, Harry puts Nathalie to bed after having yesterday’s leftovers for dinner. She asks for a bedtime story and his heart warms when she cuddles up to him, her eyes drooping before he’s even finished the first paragraph. By the time he’s finished the short chapter about a fairy-witch who’s trying to make her own menagerie by flying her umbrella over to the city zoo to steal fur from all animals, she’s fully asleep. Her mouth’s slightly agape as her cheek rests on his chest, and he tries moving her as gently as possible to make sure she doesn't wake again. He presses a kiss to her forehead before leaving her room, something aching in his chest as he looks down upon her. She’s easily the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to him, and he’ll never, ever regret it. He loves her more than anyone in the world.

He sends Niall a text on his way downstairs, just to let him know that she’s been talking about him having a girlfriend again, though it seems mostly like genuine interest and curiosity, and not at all like she’s taking it badly.

He turns on the laptop on his way to the kitchen. He should really get some writing done on his dissertation because his promoter expects the first draft next month. He turns on the kettle for a cup of tea. His phone buzzes on the counter, and he picks it up mindlessly, expecting it to be a reply from Niall. It’s not though, and he finds himself smiling at the screen when he reads the message.

_I should probably stop watching the Kardashians because that woman annoys me to death but I left the remote all the way on the coffee table and I’m too lazy to reach for it. Help!!!_

He thumbs it away, takes out the milk, pours some in a mug and heats it in the microwave while he waits for the water to boil. The teabag is still soaking in the water when his phone buzzes again.

_I said help!!! Harold._

Harry shakes his head, disposes the teabag in the bin and composes a reply on his way back to the living room, trying not to burn himself on his mug.

_Just get off your lazy arse, Tomlinson. I’m trying to do some serious work here._

There’s no reply for a bit, at least long enough for Harry to type in his password and open the file he needs to start writing. To be honest, he’s not even really surprised when his phone starts buzzing again, when the file hasn't even fully loaded yet.

“What is it Louis?”

“I’m bored.” It’s a statement, not even whiny or annoyed, and Harry finds it hopelessly endearing.

“I’m, not, honestly. I’ve just brought my daughter to bed and I was about to try working on my dissertation, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh, no, go ahead, I’ll talk you through the next episode of the Kardashians while you’re at it.”

“Louis, seriously.”

“Okay, fine. ‘s Just. I’m really bored. Zayn and Liam are out of town, looking at venues for their wedding or summat, Lottie’s on a date, Fizz doesn’t pick up on Skype ‘cause she’s a terrible sister, and my mum’s on yet another date with a colleague.”

“You want to come over?” It’s out of his mouth before he realises it, and while he really had other plans, and while he usually doesn’t have people over when Nathalie’s asleep, he doesn’t find himself regretting it.

“Really?” Louis sounds happier at the proposition, so really, what can he do now?

“Yeah, sure. Just, I’ve still got to work a bit. And you obviously have to be quiet, Nathalie’s asleep just upstairs.”

“I’ll bring a book. Or watch TV, if they still broadcast anything but stupid reality shows, that is.”

“Okay. Text me when you’re here, don’t want Nat to wake up from the doorbell.”

In the end, Louis doesn't have to text him to let him know he’s arrived, Harry notices his car trying to park into the spot in front of Harry’s house, having to try seven times before it finally fits, only half a foot left on the back and the front. Louis grins at Harry when he leans into the frame of his front door, waiting for Louis to squeeze through the small gap.

“Hi love.” Louis greets him, brushing his lips against Harry’s for a second before pushing past him to get into the warmth of the house. “Sorry for being annoying, I don’t really know what’s gotten into me, just didn't want to be alone, I suppose.”

Harry finds himself melting, even though his fingers are cold from waiting in the doorway. “It’s alright. You can make tea for me while I work,” he winks.

Louis does as he’s told, seems to find his way around Harry’s kitchen easily, so Harry actually succeeds at correcting three of the pages he’s written before, listening to Louis’ soft humming while he works. Once the tea’s ready, Harry decides he’s done enough for the day and opts to sit with Louis for a while instead. They talk about his dissertation, about patients at work they both know, music they like, and about their families. Louis thinks he’d find it strange to only have one sibling, since he’s always had a house full, but it’s obvious that Harry wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

It’s late when Louis finally gets up, the teapot drained of its last drop, and Harry sees him out. They hug and it feels nice, even nicer when Louis kisses him gently. It’s still chaste and mostly sweet, their lips moving together for a couple of seconds only before Louis pulls back. He presses his thumb into the corner of Harry’s mouth and adds another quick peck to his lips before turning around and walking through the door. Harry feels like he should be confused, should want to talk about it, but more than anything, he’s content with what they have, so he smiles and waves while Louis tries to get his car out of the parking spot again.

Louis comes by on Thursday again, claiming he misses talking to Harry alone now that Hannah’s back at work. He updates Harry on Liam and Zayn’s wedding plans, since Harry didn't come to the pub yesterday. It’s Harry who’s making them tea today, and Louis’ sitting on the counter, watching him work and chatting about whatever comes to mind.

“I haven’t told them about Nathalie, by the way. Or Niall, for that matter. Figured you’re the one who has to tell them if you want them to know.”

Harry smiles at that, pleasantly surprised, because really, he doesn't think he’d really have minded if Louis had let Zayn and Liam in on his secret. Nevertheless he’s grateful for it. “Thanks,” he replies wholeheartedly, squeezing Louis’ thigh in passing. Louis keeps him there, pressing a small kiss to his lips before letting him go again and it’s kind of funny to notice how he’s level with Harry instead of having to reach up to kiss him.

“Of course,” Louis’ all soft smiles and Harry just can’t stop himself from leaning in again. Their lips don’t even touch at first, noses softly brushing against each other before Louis tilts his head to close the last inch between them. Harry separates his lips slightly, to fit Louis’ upper one between his. They kiss slowly, languidly for a bit, just lips moving against each other to the rhythm of an unheard song. It’s Harry who lets his tongue slip out first, subconsciously really. He softly licks against Louis’ lips and feels a hot ball sizzle in his stomach when Louis opens up to let him in. Their tongues collide and it feels better than any kiss Harry can remember at this moment, but to be perfectly honest, his brain is a bit foggy right now. Louis’ lips are a sinful red and beautifully swollen when they part again after several minutes and Harry’s sure his own are in a much similar state. His smile seems even softer right now, and just when Harry wants to say something, though he’s not entirely sure what it is that he wants to say, he hears a shaky “Daddy?” coming from upstairs.

“Fuck.” He lets out a breath. “I-I. Don’t run, okay?” is what he eventually settles for.

“Go!” Louis mouths at him before letting himself slide of the counter to finish their tea, flipping the kettle back on to make sure the water’s still hot.

Nathalie’s apparently had another nightmare about monsters under her bed, and it takes a while before Harry gets her to settle again. Her eyes plead to come and sleep in his bed, and if he didn't have Louis waiting for him downstairs, he probably would've given in. Louis _is_ downstairs though, so he just offers to leave her bedside lamp on and gives in when she asks for ten more stuffed animals in her bed, “to protect her from the monsters,” she claims.

When he finally gets back downstairs, he half expects Louis to be gone. He can’t hear the television and there’s not a sound coming from the kitchen either. He finds him curled up on the couch though, nursing a cup of tea while he leafs through one of Harry’s photography books. He always dreamed about becoming a photographer, but he just didn't have the skills, so he settled for buying books of professionals instead of trying to make the shots himself.

“She back to sleep?” he asks, smiling as he puts the book on the coffee table and hands Harry his own cup of tea.

“Yeah, sorry it took so long. She tends to have nightmares lately, gets her all worked up and it takes a while for her to settle down again.”

“It’s alright. Took the opportunity to go through your collection of books,” Louis winks, patting the leather of the couch next to him, an invitation for Harry to come and sit close.

The rest of the night consists of cuddling, talking and lots of tea, a chaste kiss here and there, a longer one shared in the entrance hall when Louis’ going home again.

Louis drives home feeling happy and more at ease than he’s felt for a long, long time. He’s decided that he likes Harry, perhaps more than what’s good for the both of them, but he can’t bring himself to care yet. He almost regrets that he’s got the day off tomorrow, and can’t see Harry all weekend either because Lottie’s staying over so they can go Christmas shopping together. Almost, because really, he’s being foolish. They haven’t known each other for a very long time, Louis shouldn't be feeling this attached to Harry already.

Lottie knows. As soon as she steps off the train, she’s looking at him like she knows. She’s always been able to read Louis like an open book, so he doesn't really know why he thought she might not know this time. She has the decency to wait with her interrogation until they’re inside a lunchroom for a cuppa and a sandwich before they start their shopping spree. She’s left her bags in a locker at the railway station, thus avoiding the trip to Louis’ and then back into the city before they head off to the shops.

“What happened, or should I ask who happened?” she asks him with a waggle of her eyebrows and it’s not the first time Louis feels sorry for passing on his attitude to his siblings.

He contemplates playing dumb, but he knows it’s no use, so he’s honest from the start. She’s his sister, after all, he’d give an arm and a leg for her if it was needed and he knows she feels the same about him. “His name’s Harry. Met him through work. He’s an intern, mind you, not a patient,” he adds hurriedly, winking at Lottie. She giggles but lets him continue. There’s this fond little smile on his face all the time when he talks about Harry, how he’s almost got his degree, how he’s been married before, has a little girl. Lottie demands to see a picture of her, and Louis feels kind of disappointed to say he hasn't got one. She settles for a picture of Harry instead, so Louis shows her the selfie they took at the pub a couple of weeks ago, big grins and big pints in hand, and then the one he secretly took of Harry after, while he was listening to one of Liam’s stories, a much softer smile on his face that still radiated joy and good nature.

“You’re smitten, aren't you?” Lottie analyses, and Louis just shrugs. If that’s what she wants to call it. “So is he your boyfriend now?” she asks and watches as his face falls. “Oh, Lou. Is this still about Stan?”

And Louis honestly doesn't know if it’s about Stan. Maybe it is, but it’s also the fact that Harry’s an intern and it would be frowned upon if they started a relationship. “I don’t know, Lottie,” he sighs. “We didn't really talk about it. It’s just… fun? I think?”

“Okay, fun is nice,” she smiles softly, squeezes his hand that’s lying on the table as he fiddles with the salt shaker.

“It is,” he smiles back, and diverts the conversation to her and Mike then, teasing her about their one month anniversary coming up next week.

Harry feels strangely nervous on Sunday afternoon. He’s dressed Nathalie up all pretty, as if her looking pretty makes him a better dad in the eyes of Niall’s girlfriend or something and he’s just pulling on his own shoes for the short walk down the street. He had made cupcakes with Nathalie the day before, and now she’s insisting on carrying the box by herself, still looking at the decorations she made through the see-through lid. She almost trips three times before Harry decides it’d be safer for both Nathalie and the cupcakes if he took the box, but he has to promise she can hand them over when they arrive. Her curls bounce as she skips away in front of him, singing a song she learnt at school and he can’t help feeling proud of her.

Niall seems nervous too, when he opens the door for them, but relaxes a bit when Nathalie starts pointing out what she’s made in the colourful fondant that’s on top of the cupcakes. He convinces her to come inside though, and crouches down as soon as the door’s closed so she can finish explaining.

Barbara’s waiting in the living room, and Harry gets what Niall sees in her. She seems genuinely kind and is simply beautiful. When Harry shakes her hand, he immediately feels his nerves go down. Niall’s still busy with Nathalie in the entrance hall, but Barbara offers him a drink and they sit down on the couch that once belonged to Niall and Harry. He looks around in the living room, realising it’s actually the first time since their divorce that he’s come inside Niall’s house, further than the entrance hall. It looks almost like their living room did, minus Harry’s things. There’s three guitar standards at one wall, two guitars that Harry recognises as Niall’s on them, and one burgundy red bass. Barbara follows his gaze and quickly says that she’s not staying over when Nathalie’s here, she just keeps one of her bass guitars here for when they feel like playing together. Harry shoots her what he hopes is a comforting smile, because, unlike what he might have thought this morning, he’s fine with Niall moving on.

Once Niall and Nathalie are done in the entrance hall, Nathalie now wearing a ridiculously pink and fluffy pair of bunny slippers, they have tea and cupcakes together. Nathalie’s off to play with her toys after fifteen minutes, engaging Barbara in it another fifteen minutes later. She willingly babysits Nathalie’s dolls, eats her imaginary pancakes and cookies, and Harry knows Niall’s chosen well. He’s definitely smitten as well, judging from the way he looks at her, and obviously everyone’s glad that Nathalie seems to like her too. Not that that’s such a hard feat, because Nathalie pretty much likes everyone who’s nice to her, but still, it’s kind of a relief.

Harry leaves after an hour, feeling equal parts happy and sad that Nathalie hardly spares time to give him a hug and a kiss before he goes. There’s three texts waiting for him when he looks at his phone, one from Gemma, one from his mum and one from Louis. Both Gemma and his mum ask how it’s been, how he’s feeling. Louis just asks if he wants to come over later that night.

He answers Louis that, yes, he’d love to (and wonders if Louis _knows_ he always feels a bit lonely when Nathalie’s just gone to Niall’s) and then calls Gemma and his mum to tell them he’s doing alright, that Barbara’s nice and that he feels like it’s starting to be okay to be single again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go brush your teeth now!  
> And hold onto everything solid you can find for the next chapter!


	10. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm terribly sorry for the annoyingly long wait!!! I could bore you with excuses about starting my new job in August (which I love, it just requires me to work all the time I'm there) and spending all my time off with my lovely little one year old daughter, but I don't want to keep you from what counts: the story!  
> It turned out mostly filler for the drama that's yet to come, but I promise I'll at least try to be faster with my writing!  
> Thanks again to the lovely Maddie who still betas for me and to TheCellarDoor who's kind enough to listen to my whining :)
> 
> Feel free to drop me a message on Tumblr! (also Lalalaartje there!)

 

The next two weeks are all kinds of wonderful for Harry. In the first week, him and Louis spend every night together and still never run out of topics to discuss or grow tired of each other. 

On Monday, they go out to see that film Louis couldn't shut up about for two weeks straight (it ends up being boring, so they spend the larger part of it kissing and cuddling and throwing M&M's into each others mouths). The next day, Louis comes over so they can cook dinner together and they stay in to watch some telly and play a round of scrabble (because it's the only adult board game Harry owns, apparently). On Wednesday, they hang out at the pub with Liam and Zayn, to celebrate Christmas with their own little party, as all of them will be visiting their families the next week. It involves mostly a lot of alcohol and some rather stupid gifts. It's a tradition, Louis had explained, that started when the three of them were still in high school and had next to no money to spare so they always went to one of those one-pound-for-everything-stores to buy their gifts. Harry gets a cackling key ring from Liam, a foldable shopping bag from Zayn and the smallest children's book he's ever seen from Louis. 

“You like children's books or summat?” Zayn mumbles, leafing through the tiny cardboard pages of the book. It's a short story, fifteen lines at most, and Nathalie's probably too old for it already, but Harry loves that Louis bought this for him. It shows that he honestly doesn't mind that he has Nathalie, or so he thinks anyway.

“I- uhm. I have a daughter, she's four. Had her with my ex-husband who now has a girlfriend. Spends a week with me and then the other week with her papa. So yeah, that's why,” he explains quickly, drowning his face into his beer before he can see their reactions. Liam's still blinking furiously, apparently too stunned to say anything when he looks back up. Zayn's frowning a little bit, looking from him to Louis and then back. “Oh. Alright,” he finally says and that seems to be the last thing that's said about it. Zayn's last to get his gifts, and they're just as useless as the others. Louis and Zayn move over to the bar to get another round of beers and charm the girl behind the bar into getting rid of all the wrapping paper (Harry's actually sure that the wrapping paper is worth more than the gifts itself). It's not really a question if she'll do it for them though - she's been infatuated with Zayn from the minute he set foot inside on her first night of working at the pub. Liam's still unusually quiet, the atmosphere between them a bit odd and uncomfortable.

“So, you have a little girl?” Liam finally asks, and Harry fidgets in his chair, because, yeah, is that a problem?

“Mhmm. Nathalie. She's lovely, really.” He nods, and finally, Liam seems to defrost and smiles a bit.

“I bet she is. I'd say they all are lovely when they're four but I know very well that would be very much untrue.” He shakes himself out of whatever weird state he was in and drains the last drops of his beer. “Sorry, didn't mean to be weird about it, 's just a bit unexpected, I s'pose. Didn't picture you as a father before, but yeah, now that I know you are one, I can see it,” he offers.

It's a bit of a strange thing to say, but also a very Liam thing to say, so Harry just chuckles and tells him not to worry about it. When Louis and Zayn come back, he shows them a couple of pictures of Nathalie, because Louis insists he should, but after that conversation goes back to whatever comes to mind.

 

He goes over to Louis' on Thursday, the backseat of his car stuffed with Christmas gifts to wrap while watching Comic Relief together. Louis tells him all about his sisters and is enchanted by the gifts he's got for Nathalie. They argue about the use of having your own Christmas tree even if it's only for yourself and you're not even spending the holidays in your own house but kiss and make up afterwards. 

“Still think it's weird that all your presents are now stacked in front of your television instead of under your Christmas tree,” Harry sneers when he's done putting his own presents in his car. 

“Yes, well, lucky for you, you don't live here, so.” Louis retorts, sticking out his tongue before pulling Harry closer by wrapping his fingers round his wrists. “Lunch tomorrow then?”

Harry nods. “Twelve thirty. And you're coming over early for pizza tomorrow night, yeah?”

“Of course. Night babe.” Louis smiles before he nuzzles his nose against Harry's cheek and presses a kiss to his lips. 

“Night Lou.” 

He can't help but look back at Louis, how he's perched in his doorway still when Harry's almost at the end of his street, his hand just fallen down from waving after him. 

 

 

–--

 

Hannah's sick at home the next day once more, so Harry has only twenty minutes to spare for his lunch break. He's called Louis up front though, so his sandwich is already waiting for him when he finally runs into the cafeteria. It's a lovely break from the business of his ward, and he's also glad that after today, he's got two entire weeks off. What's even better is that he gets to tease Louis about his confession that he'll be lonely when he's back to work in the second week. Once he's stuffed the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth, he runs off again, sending an exaggerated wink in Louis' direction as he tells him they'll see each other that evening. 

Something seems off when Louis arrives, he appears to be distracted and Harry hardly gets a kiss when he lets him in. He doesn't dare ask anything, just goes ahead with making the pizza dough while Louis pops the caps of two beers. Once he's half a bottle in, he seems to relax, so Harry blames the weird behaviour on the work stress of having to finish things before the holidays. 

When Zayn and Liam arrive an hour later, pizza's already in the oven and Zayn goes ahead and sets up the DVD player for their evening of Christmas classics. The couch is only just large enough to accommodate the four of them, so they can all see the screen from the right angle, but Harry's not complaining about the way he's pressed up to Louis from knee to shoulder. He blames the fact that they don't share any kisses or that Louis doesn't even reach for his hand like he usually would while watching TV on Liam and Zayn being there. They haven't even talked about what they are, so it makes sense not to share it with their friends yet. 

At least he stays for a little bit once Zayn and Liam have gone home and he seems to have forgotten why he was so down earlier. Harry leaves it at that, decides that Louis will tell him what was bothering him if and when he wants to. He'll take what he gets, and if that's kisses on the kitchen counter and in the cramped hallway at the front door, he's not complaining, not really. 

  
  


He leaves for his mum's house on Sunday afternoon. Niall's dropped Nathalie off so they can hit the road to get there before it gets dark. Harry's given him and Nathalie a bit of time to say goodbye, knowing very well how hard it is to celebrate the holidays without your child being there, busying himself with loading the car while Barbara is leaning against the wall, chatting about the band she's in. No matter how busy his week has been, he's missed Nathalie, and he's glad to have her back with him, loves the way she talks about the past week and the week that's coming up the entire drive.

They're almost there when she's trying to coax out of him what he's gotten her for Christmas, gets annoyed and whiny when he keeps repeating he's gotten her a bunch of old newspapers, but forgets easily what she was whining about when Anne is already waiting for them on the driveway, Dusty perched in her arms. 

“You have to be quiet, Nathalie,” he warns softly, knowing that she really, really wants to pet the cat but she always scares her off by moving too quickly or talking too loudly. For once, she listens, tiptoes over to her nana and succeeds in petting the grey fur and scratching Dusty behind her ears before Anne demands a kiss and a hug as well. 

It always feels like he's never left when he's at home. Gemma's there with her boyfriend Nick who puts his hands protectively on her stomach when they share their big news. Nathalie doesn't stop jumping up and down for five minutes when she hears there'll be a new baby in the family and Harry smiles at his sister, wipes away the one tear that managed to escape and then crushes Gemma in a hug.

“I'm so happy for you Gems,” he whispers and she just squeezes him tighter, holds him for a while until the rest of the family has gone on with whatever they were doing before. 

“You'll be fine soon, Haz, I'm sure of it,” she tells him and he tries not to tear up again because really, there's no reason to when he already feels like he's healing. “And no matter what, this little bugger will get the very best uncle in the world.” She's all smiles, looks like she's glowing even though she tells them she's tired most of the time and sick in the evening and Harry sees her resting her hands on her stomach more than once during the night. It's cute, really.

Robin arrives just in time to say goodnight to Nathalie, and when Harry comes back downstairs from putting her to bed, they're all gathered around the fire with cups of hot chocolate that overflow with marshmallows. A year ago, he'd been here all alone, Niall had taken Nathalie to Ireland with him and the wounds of their divorce had still been fresh. He'd cried himself to sleep every night and holed up in his old room to study for exams entire days. It's a bit weird to think back to it now, he feels so much more at ease, comfortable in his skin. He isn't wishing for Niall to be here with them, instead finds himself thinking of Louis more than once, fantasizing about Louis celebrating Christmas with them, maybe, one day. 

The week goes on steadily, filled with snow fights, long walks in the meadows and the woods behind his mother's house, equally long and easy conversations with anyone in his family and on Wednesday night, it's [finally] Christmas Eve. Nathalie's been bouncing up and down all day in exhilaration about the festivities and of course her presents. As usual, there's too much of them, and Harry threatens Gemma that he'll spoil their child equally once it's born, resulting in a playfight between the siblings. 

Dinner's being reduced to lots of small courses, served by Anne in the living room around the Christmas tree and Nathalie has no bedtime for just this once. She falls asleep on the floor around nine though, so Harry takes her upstairs to bed to tuck her in. She's asked to sleep in his bed for the night, for a Christmas present, and of course he couldn't refuse. She looks small in the large bed, blonde curls spread out over the pillow. After he's kissed her goodnight, he notices his cell phone flashing with a text.

_ Merry christmas Haz. I hope I'll survive the madness of 4 younger sisters long enough to wish you a happy New Year next week! XX Lou. _

He smiles and thumbs a reply before going back downstairs. 

  
  


It's Sunday morning before he realizes it. At least it's stopped snowing since Thursday so the roads are reasonable enough to travel all the way back. Gemma and Nick have left the night before to go and stay with Nick's family for a couple of days and share their big news with them and Harry wants to get on the road right after lunch so he can spend an hour or so at home with Nathalie before Niall comes to pick her up again. There's been a couple more text messages back and forth with Louis throughout the week, but nothing much. It was to be expected. They were both busy with the celebrations and just enjoying time with their families, but now Harry finds himself looking forward to a week back in Manchester so he can spend more time with Louis.

  
  


\---

Monday mornings are never easy on Louis, but those after a week spent at home are even harder. His house is uncomfortably quiet without his sisters there, and he's been awake half the night because of how cold it was with his heater having been off an entire week. He jumps in the shower, hardly waiting for the water to warm, quickly washes up and runs a towel over his body and through his hair before grabbing a banana and an apple to eat in his car on the way to work. He's running late as it is, and the fact that Harry won't be there doesn't help to pick up his spirits either. At least it's only three days and then it's New Years and he has an extended weekend to look forward to. 

He's in the staff meeting at his ward when his phone rings, an unknown number flashing on the screen. He thumbs it away, but they keep calling back, so the fourth time he decides to excuse himself and take the call. 

“Louis Tomlinson, how can I help you?”

“Lou, it's Hannah, sorry to disturb you,” she greets him. He allows his shoulders to relax along with his professional attitude.

“Oh, hey, you're still not back at work?”

“Uhm, no, that's kind of what I'm calling about.”

“Oh? Yeah, before Christmas, Geoff mentioned that you might be out of work for quite a while, is something seriously wrong Han?” He's getting a bit worried, because what would she call him for?

“Well... no, not really. It's uhm. I'm pregnant, apparently. Not very much planned but much welcome, now that Luke and I have come to terms with it,” she sighs.

Relief floods through his body when he congratulates her.

“Yeah, thanks,” he can hear her smile through the phone before she clears her throat. “Unfortunately, I'm already five months along and I can't work at the closed ward anymore, and it's too late to move me around to another ward because I'd have to quit work altogether in a couple of months anyway.”

“Oh.”

“Uhm, yeah. They're hiring someone on a temporary contract to fill in for me at the ward, but they can't ask them to take an intern since they'll probably only just be graduated themselves. So uhm, I was hoping you wouldn't mind taking Harry under your wing, since you two get along so well anyway, and it would be the easiest solution. Besides, you're always complaining about the workload and Harry really is a hard worker so you'd only benefit from it, I'm sure.” She's rambling a bit, but Louis didn't really hear anything after the question to be Harry's mentor for the rest of his internship. Which is about three more months. Fuck. His ears are ringing, and he doesn't know how long Hannah's been calling his name when he tunes in again. “Lou? Listen, if you really don't want to do it, I'll ask someone else, I just thought...”

“No, no it's fine.” He forces a smile even though she can't see it. “It's fine, I'll do it.” 

“Oh, thank god! Thanks a million Lou, really, it means a lot!” 

He smiles at her antics, despite the turmoil in his stomach. “Not a problem Hannah. Enjoy your pregnancy, yeah? I'll make sure to come and have a look at the beautiful baby in a couple of months.”

“Please do! Can you tell Harry when he's back from his holidays, I kind of don't want to disturb him on his weeks off...”

Great, that too. “Yeah, sure, no worries. Happy holidays babe.”

“You too!”

The rest of the meeting goes by in a blur. Harry'll be his intern. Just now that he might have started to accept that he sees more in him than just a bit of fun, he'll have to quit it all together and be his boss. How wonderful. Thanks a lot, Murphy. 

Harry calls him several times during the week, but he just can't pick up. He can't pretend nothing's going on, but he also hasn't found the courage to break the curly boy's heart either. So he ignores the calls, replies with a lame text message about being busy. Louis also ignores the questions about their plans for New Year's Eve, there had been vague plans for going to a club with Zayn and Liam, but he really doesn't feel like it now. Thinks staying home to wallow in self-pity would be more appropriate. 

Zayn and Liam don't let him though, they pick him up at ten, take him to the club and feed him tequila until he can't even remember his own name. They're at least kind enough not to ask any questions and drop him off safe and sound just after one. He's drunk enough to blame his hangover for not getting out of bed for the next three days, so he counts that as another win. 

Louis just wishes that the fact Harry's stopped texting him wouldn't leave such a bitter taste on his tongue that even the tequila didn't wash away. He's never dreaded a Monday morning more than this one.

  
  


 


	11. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's not edited yet, my wonderful beta is busy with Jane Eyre but I'm being impatient enough to post this anyway.  
> All mistakes are - as always - mine!
> 
> And sorry again for the delay, I hate how little time I've got for writing! To make it up to you, I've brought two of my older works that were previously published on Wattpad over here, and I'd love it if some of you would check it out!

Harry's never dreaded going back to his internship more than today. He's been up since five thirty, like he has been every day since Louis started ignoring his calls, and after showering, having breakfast, doing the dishes and the laundry (of which there's tons to do after Nathalie's return from her trip to Ireland with Niall), it's still not time to leave. He's bored though, and being bored gets him to start thinking and he's tired of that too, so he takes his laptop, the bag that holds his lunch box (because what if Louis doesn't want to have lunch with him anymore?) and puts on his shoes before he goes outside where the weather is appropriately shitty. Nathalie was picked up by the mother of one of her friends earlier, so he doesn't have to worry about dropping her off on the way to work. 

Everyone's still happy and full of holiday cheer when he arrives at the hospital. The secretary greets him with a smile and happy new year when he picks up his phone from the front desk, and every single colleague he runs into on his way to the mail room seems to be intent on wishing him the same. Even though he's only an intern, there's a big stack of mail in his postbox, so he decides to go through it right there. Half of it is probably just messages meant for everyone so he doesn't need to take them with him to the ward. It takes him almost fifteen minutes to read everything through and sort it all into three heaps, and just when he's about to throw the largest pile into the paper bin, someone bursts through the door, causing papers to go flying and workers to glare at the intruder.

“Harry! Thank god, you're still here!” It's Louis, with his hair a mess and his face is a bit pale with dark bags under his eyes. Harry can't help but smile at the sight, he's so glad to see Louis, and he's still talking to him and even though Harry should probably be mad, he's just happy to be back. 

“Louis! Hi! Happy new year!” Harry takes three big steps and engulfs Louis in a hug, the most intimate thing he dares to do at work. 

“Ungh! Happy new year to you to Harry,” Louis replies with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. Harry frowns at him but Louis just looks away, starts counting the tiles or something. 

“Louis? Is something wrong?”

“Uhm, yeah. No.” he sighs, runs a hand through the mess that his hair already is. “I don't know. Just... We need to have a word?” Harry's frown deepens but Louis has already turned to one of the mail room employees. “Katherine, can we have the small meeting room next doors for a minute or is it taken?”

She tells them to go ahead, so Harry hurries to grab the mail he still needs and throws out the rest of it before following Louis out the door. Louis' already there when he gets in, his back to the door as he busies himself with making a cup of tea. He asks Harry if he wants any as well without turning around, and nods when he answers that yes, he'd like a cup. The silence becomes heavier by the second, only disturbed by the clinking of their spoons and Harry just can't take it anymore.

“What's wrong Lou?” He clears his throat. “Louis?” The nickname had escaped his lips easily, but it doesn't seem right to use it now, something seems terribly off and it scares him a bit to be honest. 

Louis' still gazing into his cup of tea and hadn't he been listening intently, Harry'd have missed his reply. “Hannah's pregnant so she can't work until after her pregnancy leave and they've hired some newbie to replace her but they can't take an intern so you're working with me from now on.” He's speaking faster than Harry's ever heard him do and he only breaths out when he's finished speaking. 

“Oh. Okay. Good for Hannah, I suppose.”

“Yeah, it wasn't planned, but she's happy.”

“Good.” There's more silence while the tea in his mug is pretty much burning his icy hands through the porcelain. “So uhm, why are you being like this, then?” He finally asks after five more minutes of silence.

“Harry...” Louis sighs, desperately and Harry feels stupid for not understanding it but he really, truly doesn't. “We can't... mess around anymore when I have to be your mentor, okay? It wouldn't be ethical and it could get us in trouble. So. I'm sorry I ignored you over new year's but I didn't know how to tell you and to be honest I didn't want us to stop messing around. But we have to.”

“Right. So you didn't want to hurt my feelings by breaking the news over the phone but you didn't mind hurting them by just ignoring my calls and only replying with lame text messages? Great job, Louis, really.” He sounds bitter and angry, but right now, that's exactly how he feels. He sees Louis cringing, but he ignores the pang of guilt that shoots through him.

“Harry...”

“I think we better get going, don't we? I bet there's a whole lot of work waiting for us at your ward.” he breaks off Louis' reply, so he can only nod, finish his too hot tea in one gulp and get up. 

 

\--- 

 

Louis feels terrible. It's been three days since Harry's working at his ward, and what could've been great has turned out to be a total nightmare. Of course Harry was right to be angry with him, he just hadn't expected him to be so harsh about it. Louis had tried to apologize for his lack of insight and consideration at least five times since that dreadful Monday morning, but Harry didn't want to listen. He'd just given Louis a speech about having to work together and how that didn't mean they had to be friends or anything else. It hurts. It hurts every time he sees Harry or he hears him talking in that deep voice of his or when he smells his cologne in the office they have to share because there just aren't enough rooms on the ward. 

Sometimes he wishes he could reprimand him on his work, but there's been no opportunity, because of fucking course Harry is fucking perfect with his patients and at staff meetings and he's even done a family therapy yesterday with one of the most stubborn families Louis' ever met and he just aced it. Besides, Louis feels like wanting to take revenge on Harry would be playing it dirty and he doesn't want that, not really. 

Harry has Nathalie with him that first week, so he doesn't join them on pub night, but he doesn't come the next week either, and when he misses another week, Zayn and Liam are starting to connect the dots. 

“You just ignored him for an entire week and then broke the news at work?” Liam asks incredulously, then quickly raises his hands in defeat when Zayn glares at him. 

“Get us some beer, Li,” Zayn grumbles before he gets up and shuffles over to where Louis is sitting, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to pull him close. 

“You're an idiot,” is all he says, and Louis can only nod, because it's true. He's glad they leave it at that, just drowns his sorrows in the beer and listens to his friends as they try to cheer him up by talking about their wedding plans. Maybe it would cheer him up if they stopped looking at each other as if they hung the moon, now it just hurts. 

Harry starts coming back to the pub after that, and it's a bit awkward at first, but it seems like they find a way to become friends again, instead of friends that have fun together or just mentor and intern. It goes better at work as well, it hurts a bit less to be around Harry the entire time and they can have a laugh together every now and then. They're not very close though, but Louis supposes that was to be expected after everything that's happened between the two of them. 

\---

Harry's internship is almost at the end (only two more weeks to go!) when he comes home to find a posh envelope in his mailbox. Nathalie's with Niall this week, and he needs every free hour he can get to work on his dissertation. It also involves a patient study of one of the patient he and Louis counseled at their ward, so he wants to get it finished before he leaves the hospital. Things between him and Louis are going alright, he supposes, he's not really angry anymore, just sad sometimes about the way things turned out. He really liked Louis, and he's pretty sure that Louis felt the same, but apparently they simply weren't meant to be. So he ignores every time he dreams of Louis, tries not to blush and looks away when he finds himself staring at Louis while they're working together in their office, and tries even harder not to stare at Louis' lips and think about how wonderful their kisses were when he talks. 

The envelope is proper posh, made of thick, off-white paper and his name and address are written in black calligraphic script. Inside there's an all black card, with a drawing of Zayn and Liam's profiles in gold and silver ink, the details about their wedding written in the same posh script in silver ink. It's only two more months before they get married, Harry's already got the dated marked on his calender for months, and has arranged it so that Nathalie's away on vacation with Niall and Babs that week. He's allowed to bring a plus one, he notices on the back of the card, and it sends a sliver of grief through his body. He'd always kind of thought him and Louis would be going together, but now there was no way they could, of course. Would Louis bring someone? Maybe he himself should make sure he had someone to take with him, just to soften the blow if Louis did. 

 

\---

 

It's Harry's last day today, and Louis doesn't know what to do or what to say. He's been running around like a headless chicken all day and he wisely decided to postpone all non-urgent appointments with patients because he simply can't focus properly. Harry seems far more composed, has already said his goodbyes to the rest of the team on the morning meeting and used lunchtime to do the same to the patients. Everyone loved him, of course, how could anyone not love him? He was probably the most lovable person Louis had ever met and everyone seemed to agree. They'd filled in his evaluation the day before, to get it out of the way, but that left Louis fidgeting with no real goal for the rest of today. Harry had already cleared out the small desk they'd shoved into a corner of their shared office, and he was on his way to take the desk back to the storage room in the basement of their building. It's only three o'clock, and Louis wouldn't mind letting him go home early, but he can't do so himself because he needs his recuperation for overtime to go home for Easter.  

“So, that's everything here back to normal.” Harry rips him out of his thoughts, a smile on his lips, even one of his dimples on full display as he shuffles around his bag. 

“Yeah, I'll finally have space for my family photographs and comic book collection again,” Louis tries and fails to joke. His smile feels forced and fake, but either Harry doesn't notice (fake smiles have kind of become his specialty in the last couple of years) or he chooses not to point it out. Louis' grateful either way. 

“Thanks for having me here, Louis. It was really great working with you and the patients on this ward, and I've learned a lot from it.” Harry sounds genuine, and Louis wonders if he's the only one thinking about the what ifs regarding Hannah's pregnancy. 

“You were a great intern anyway, Harry, I'll have to get used to doing all the work by myself again after Easter. I'm sure you'll be a great psychologist wherever you choose to work next year.”

“Thanks.” They keep shuffling around on their spots for a bit until Harry finally asks: “Can I hug you?”

“Yeah,” Louis' voice sounds hoarse and a little breathless when he says it, but it doesn't matter. Harry's in his space with one of his large steps and engulfs him in one of the bear hugs Louis' missed so much. He holds him close, feels the tears prickling in his eyes and words are accumulating on his tongue. “I'm so sorry.” and “I want to see you again.” and “Please forgive me for being so stupid.” and “Would you give me, us another chance?” but none of them comes out. “Good luck,” he croaks when they pull away, and Harry looks like he wants to say something but apparently decides against it.

“Thanks. And you too.” He shoulders his bag and sends Louis a small wave before he walks away from their office, Louis' office now, once more. Offers an explanation about having to turn in his keys and badge as a reason to leave already, even though Louis never questions it. 

It's almost time to go when Louis finds Harry's blue scarf on the coat hanger behind the door. It has probably been there for a while because the weather's been too warm to wear scarfs, but it still smells like Harry. He wonders if he should return it, but then decides that he can always pretend he hadn't seen it if Harry ever asks about it, and shoves it into his bag. Nobody has to know that he simply wants to keep it as a reminder of what could have been but what he has ruined because of his stupidity. 

He's probably destined to live and die alone.


	12. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know there's probably nobody reading this anymore. It's been almost a year and a half since I've updated this, and I'm terribly sorry for that. I'm not going to bore you with excuses and very valid reasons for it, but I'll just say that I'm back at writing since I took part in a challenge, and I'm loving it.  
> I've found new courage, new love for writing and I just want to give this story another try, at least let it have an ending.

For what is probably the very first time in their friendship, Louis feels like he is the voice of reason when in one room with Zayn and Liam. They’re in one room because the venue had only one room available due to water damage, something about a storm hitting last month and the insurance not having paid out.  
That was the first challenge Louis’ had to overcome in the week running up to their wedding. In the end, they’d both agreed to a folding screen dividing the room into two equal parts so they wouldn’t see each other before the ceremony.  
Zayn was nothing if not superstitious, so he’d thrown a proper fit when he realised him and Liam would have to share a room to get dressed before their wedding ceremony.

Currently, Louis is trying to get Liam to put his shoes on the right way, while he hears Waliyha and Doniya trying to calm Zayn down on the other side of the screen. Both of Liam’s sister are sitting to the side, sipping their champagne and grinning at Louis’ misery. Bloody traitors. At least Safaa’s being useful, bringing in their corsages and ignoring Liam’s nagging because the florist had been late and they should’ve had them an hour ago.   
Louis decides to ignore him as well, just pins the white calla on his lapel and yells at Zayn to shut his eyes because “Liam will be walking through the door in a second and your superstitious ass doesn’t want to see him before he’s waiting for you down the aisle.” Ruth and Nicola at last abandon their glass of champagne to give their brother a kiss for good luck and duck out the door first, going to find their seat in the small crowd. 

Zayn’s three sisters are next to leave, and soon enough Zayn’s voice comes from behind the screen, announcing that he’s got his back turned to the door so Liam can come through.   
Liam seems calmer all of a sudden, having found the courage to go and get married to the love of his life, and soon enough, Louis’ alone with Zayn in their dressing room.

“You okay?” Zayn asks and Louis snickers, because shouldn’t it be the other way around? There’s a question waiting on the tip of his tongue, has been for weeks now, but he’s come this far without asking, he won’t budge now. He’ll find out soon enough anyway. So he just nods and smiles, making sure it’s genuine because really, he is happy for his friends. They deserve every single bit of each other and they deserve to live a happy married life for the rest of their time on earth.   
So he sits with Zayn, waiting until he gets the text from Liam’s dad, their MC for the day, notifying them that everyone’s ready and Zayn can come out. Zayn’s mother is waiting for them down the hall, dressed in a beautiful red dress that compliments her figure and reaches just past her knees, high heels accentuating her slim legs. Louis kisses her on the cheek briefly before putting Zayn’s arm in hers, winking at his best mate as he slips inside, finding his spot at Liam’s side at the front of the room.   
He has about 30 seconds to clap Liam’s shoulder in empathy for his nerves before piano music starts up and the doors at the back are opened, revealing Zayn and his mother standing behind them. Louis watches them as Zayn and Liam lock eyes, tears glistening through their wide smiles, and he can’t help but tear up as well. It’s beautiful, and he just wishes he wasn’t feeling so damn jealous of them. 

He wanted this too. He wanted to do this with Stan, and of course he knows now that it’s a good thing that they broke up, because obviously Stan wasn’t the one he could’ve grown old with, but he still wants this, a wedding. And the older he gets, the more it seems like he’s not going to have one. Not in this life.  
He tries to focus on the rest of the ceremony and manages rather well. He fulfills his duty as their best man without a hitch, handing them their wedding rings at the designated time, signing his neatest signature in the register and tying the ribbon around their hands to symbolise their bond.   
He only falters once, when there’s a crash on his left hand side. A little girl dropped her doll, he discovers when he looks for the source of the sounds. He smiles at her as she scrambles to pick her doll up, her eyes wide in astonishment of having interrupted the ceremony, and is glad when he sees how she’s immediately comforted by her dad. Which. Harry.

So he is here. Louis supposes the girl is Nathalie, then, and his chest hurts a bit because she’s lovely and he never even got the chance to meet her before today. He ruined everything he had with Harry before they got that far. Harry doesn’t catch him watching, so he also doesn’t notice that he has to swallow the lump in his throat before getting up to give his speech.  
He deliberately doesn’t look in Harry’s direction while he speaks, and he’s glad his words have enough humor to it to distract him and everyone else from the way he’s gotten a bit sad all of a sudden.   
He’s pathetic, really, being sad and jealous at his best friends’ wedding. 

****

He’d asked for a change of Niall’s holiday plans himself. Of course he’d go to Zayn and Liam’s wedding, even if he didn’t see them once his internship finished because he needed all of his time to work on his dissertation (it was finished and handed in now, thank God). He’d struggled for a while with the plus one on his invitation though, finally deciding there wasn’t anyone in his life he’d want to bring along to the reception, but he would like Nathalie to come to the ceremony with him. Niall had frowned when he mentioned it, but noticed he’d better not ask, so him and Babs had agreed to pick Nathalie up after the ceremony.  
In hindsight, it was probably a bit silly to insist on her coming along. The ceremony lasts too long for Nathalie to sit still, and she doesn’t even know Liam and Zayn, so apart from the pretty clothes, there’s not much to obtain her attention.   
She still looks like a deer caught in the headlights when she drops her doll, the noise attracting looks from people all around them. He waits until she’s back in her seat and pulls her close to his chest then, offering comfort to let her know there’s no harm done. Nathalie comes easily, probably still tired from the combination of yesterday’s late night and today’s early morning, and she doesn’t even complain when Louis steps up to the microphone and he grips her just a little bit firmer. Of course he knew that Louis was going to be there, but he wasn’t prepared for it. Not for the way he looks in his fitted, clearly designer suit, not for the way his voice sounds when he takes the mic and begins his speech, not for the way he smirks and the way he laughs.  
He’s hopeless, and he’s not sure if he’ll ever get over Louis if he keeps seeing him. Yet, it seems like he can’t stay away either.

****  
Louis watches them out of the corner of his eye. He’s supposed to be talking to Zayn’s family who have drawn him in as soon as they stepped out of the venue, but he can’t keep his eyes of the curly haired man and his little girl. There’s another guy with a woman who’s apparently his girlfriend, and from the way Harry kissed his cheek and he’s interacting with Nathalie, Louis guesses he’s Niall. He looks different from what he expected, but that’s probably because he pictured him to be some kind of villain if he was capable of leaving Harry. This guy looks nice, handsome really, with his bleached blond hair partly hidden beneath a cap that would ridiculous on anyone else, and glasses moving up on his nose by the way he’s smiling widely. He swoops Nathalie up to put her on his shoulder while she waves at Harry, shouting something along the lines of a goodbye, Harry waving back at her with a smile, though his shoulders are tense.  
He contemplates walking over to him, find out why he looks as tense as he does but then Zayn and Liam arrive to the group he’s standing with and it would simply be rude to walk away.  
When they’ve moved on to talk to some other guests, he can’t see Harry anywhere, and soon after they’re invited inside for lunch with the couple’s relatives and close friends.  
Maybe tonight, if he finds the courage to go talk to him.

****

The party is in full swing, and Louis’ having fun. He blames the steady stream of champagne for the buzz he has going since the early afternoon, but it’s not like it bothers him. He’s been on the dance floor on and off, mostly dancing with Liam’s sisters and Doniya, who’ve been drinking a fair amount as well while Waliyha sat sulking at the table because she isn’t allowed any alcohol yet. Safaa isn’t either, but she’s only twelve so she doesn’t care and dances around on coca cola just as happily.   
Once Lady Gaga’s Alejandro is switched for a song he doesn’t recognises, he excuses himself from his company, feeling the need for some fresh air.   
While the weather has been lovely all day, the cold hits his face as soon as he pushes open the double doors to the garden. There are a couple of smokers outside, talking amongst themselves close to the doors, but Louis walks further onto the grass, checking if it isn’t too moist (it isn’t, not as much that it’ll leave stains and ruin his suit) and lays down.   
He’d like to pretend he’s looking at the stars, but they’re still in Manchester so apart from the moon and the orange reflection of the city lights on the smog in the air, there’s not much to see. He doesn’t care, though, not really. All he was looking for was some peace and quiet, away from the loud music and people going wild, some time for himself.  
He’s got enough alcohol in his bloodstream to be able to avoid thinking about his own worries, just closes his eyes and focuses on the muted sound of the music that sometimes becomes louder when someone walks in- or outside for a smoke.   
He doesn’t know how long he’s been lying there when there’s a blast of sound, followed by footsteps on the grass. He expects it to be Zayn, coming over to scold him about running away from the party to feel sad. Keeping his eyes closed, he tries to ignore it as long as possible, hoping he’ll give up and go back inside. He’s not feeling sad, and he doesn’t need his best mate to lecture him about how he’ll find someone. He doesn’t.  
He’s too caught up in his annoyance to notice the movement, only when something touches his shoe, he opens his eyes, surprised to find someone lying next to him.  
He turns his head to have a better look, because it can’t be Zayn, he’d freak out about grass stains on his expensive suit to even think about laying down with him.  
And. Fuck. It’s Harry.  
He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even acknowledge Louis in the way he’s staring up at the sky. Louis sighs, turns his head again and looks at the moon. It’s not even full, already ruining any romantic implication that could be found in the scene.   
“I miss you,” he mutters after a bit, not meeting Harry’s eyes when he hears the grass rustling as an indication of Harry turning his head to look at him. “Like, at work.” Harry’s head turns back. “And outside of work too.”  
“I’ve been busy,” comes Harry’s reply.  
“I know.” Louis swallows the lump in his throat and his pride, now that he’s at it. “Are you coming back to the pub, like, now that you’re less busy?”  
“Do you want me to?”  
Louis is the one to turn his head this time, his voice barely a whisper as it almost drowns in the noise escaping the open terrace doors. “Yeah.”  
Harry sits up and scrubs his hands over his face. “I don’t know, Louis. I miss you too, I do, really, but I don’t know if I can go back to pretending nothing ever happened between us.”  
Louis pulls his lip between his teeth but doesn’t say anything, lies still and isn’t even sure he’s still breathing at this point.  
“I liked what we had, and of course, I know we couldn’t take it any further with the way I was an intern at your workplace, but fuck. That Monday morning, it felt like you ripped my heart out and danced the cucaracha on it.” He chuckles humorlessly. “I miss you, but I don’t think I can just come back to the pub and be your friend. I have so many feelings for you, I can’t just take them and put them in a ziplock bag so they’re contained and won’t bother us. I don’t want to do that.”  
The cold from the ground is seeping through his jacket, chilling his back and Louis decides to sit up as well, looking in front of him as Harry continues.  
“I’ve had a tough couple of years, okay. I tried to combine a stupid job with studying, a kid and a relationship. I was able to quit the shitty job because of the scholarship I received this year, because I worked hard for it, but I lost my relationship. My marriage broke down and I’ve had a really hard time getting over that. I blamed myself, I blamed Niall, hell, I even blamed Nathalie. Now I know that it’s nobody’s fault, it’s a combination of things that led to our divorce, and I’m finally coming to terms with that. I’m finally letting myself move on. I was going to let you inside, Louis, I was willing to give things a chance between us, but I don’t want to do this if it will only leave me hurt. I can’t be your friend for pub nights and lonely evenings, maybe a kiss if you feel like it. I won’t be that guy, I’m sorry.”  
Louis half expects Harry to get up and go back inside after that speech, but he doesn’t. He just sits there, breathing ragged and eyes fixed on something he can’t really see in the dark.  
“You were the first person I would consider giving a chance to something more than being mates,” Louis admits after a while. “I’ve spent years being sad and scared and bitter. And I hate how it left me feeling jealous on my best friends’ wedding. I hate how I still long for something I thought I’d have by now. Even if the guy I wanted it with turned out to be an asshole.” He’s turned to Harry and notices how he bites his lip. “I’m still scared as hell. I don’t know if I’ll ever not be. But if I’m honest with you, and with myself, it’s not a friend I need. Or company for lonely nights. Or a kiss with no strings attached. I need strings. I need someone to love fiercely and fearlessly.”  
Harry’s eyes are bright when he meets Louis’, and it’s too much. He looks down to where his fingers are fumbling with the hem of his jacket. “I can do fierce, I’ve always been fierce in most things I do. But I’m not sure if I can do fearless. No, in fact, I’m sure I can’t do fearless.” He locks their eyes again and gulps. “I’d like to try though. With you. If you’d let me.”  
He watches as Harry closes his eyes for a couple of seconds, then opens them again as he lets out a shaky breath. “We’re going to talk about this, tomorrow, or the day after if the hangover’s too bad, but we will talk, okay?” Louis nods, confused about what exactly is happening. “Good. Because right now, I feel like we’ve said enough, and I just really, really want to kiss you.”  
Louis’ quick to nod, slinging an arm around Harry’s hip and moving a bit so they’re more comfortable as their lips meet. It feels every bit as good as he remembers, and he blames the champagne for the tear that escapes his eyes.   
They kiss sweetly, languidly and carefully for a while, until the cold earth starts getting too uncomfortable and Harry drags him back inside.   
Zayn notices them almost immediately, frowning at the way they’re dancing close together, grinding on each other when the song allows it, but he doesn’t comment. Good, Louis wasn’t going to let him anyway.   
There’s more champagne, and more kisses, but also a very responsible Harry who tells the cab driver his own address once Louis’ gotten out of the car, promising to call in the morning.

His bed’s still too big and too empty, but it doesn’t feel as cold when he falls asleep to the soundtrack of birds in his backyard.


	13. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiii!   
> Uhm, I kinda made a moodboard for this fic on my Tumblr, [over here](http://lalalaartje.tumblr.com/post/142343184577/ill-surrender-up-my-heart-and-swap-it-for-yours) and my mentions went kind of crazy, so hiiiiii to everyone who's new here.  
> I solemnly swear I'll try to update at least weekly from now on, and I think there's about 5 chapters to come after this one, definitely no more than 10. I'll also try to go back and edit my mistakes as I go...  
> Enjoy!

“Hey,” Harry kisses him softly when he picks him up on Wednesday night.   
“Hi love,” Louis beams, still incredibly happy he gets to call Harry that now, as in ‘his boyfriend Harry’.  
They’ve talked on Sunday, as soon as both their hangovers had subsided enough to be able to carry a normal conversation, and established that the label for what they have should be ‘boyfriends’. They’ve agreed to go slow though, both of them still wary after their last disastrous try at relationships, and still trying to find their footing after the disaster that happened between them before.

They’ve seen each other every day since, and apart from the fact that they haven’t exactly had any alone time, it’s lovely. The lack of alone time is courtesy of Liam and Zayn, and more specifically their weirdness that made them skip a stag do, postpone their honeymoon until summer and instead invite their friends and family for a variety of group activities for the majority of the two weeks following their wedding.  
Louis has to admit that he likes it, so far, but it’s still exhausting, having to work during the day and interacting with a group of people he’s not too familiar with at night. But he definitely loves the fact that Zayn has been trying to corner him in order to talk for three days now, without succeeding. He still has no desire whatsoever to discuss him and Harry with Zayn, which is why he chose to call Liam to ask if it would be alright if Harry came along. Lovely, friendly, easy-going Liam. Of course he’ll have to face the music sooner or later, Louis knows that, but that’s not keeping him from enjoying every second he can avoid it.   
They do try to keep the pda to a minimum though, so they both know that the kiss they share in the car as they park outside the karting circuit will be the last one for a couple of hours. Doesn’t keep Harry from moaning into Louis’ mouth when his tongue flicks out to lick at the seam of his lips, or glaring at him when he pulls back right after and gets out of the car like nothing happened. Louis had almost forgotten how much he likes to tease. Almost.

 

There aren’t as many people as the previous night - Louis guesses he’s not the only one being exhausted by all the festivities - and they end up splitting into two teams. Zayn, Louis, Doniya and Tina, a colleague of Zayn’s against Liam, Harry, Nicola and Ruth. About halfway through their designated time, Louis watches how Harry fishes his phone from his back pocket and goes to answer it in a quieter area. It’s probably Nathalie, who’s been calling him every night since she left for a holiday with her other dad.   
“Lou, you’ve got proper stars in your eyes, mate,” Zayn comments as he slides on the bench next to him, and shit, this is probably it. Well, at least he had three days out of it. “Care to elaborate?”  
“No,” he answers, just to be a little shit about it, but he rolls his eyes as Zayn stares him down.  
“We uhm, we talked. And we’ve established I’ve been a shit for dumping him the way I did over winter hols. And we’re trying again.”  
Zayn looks nothing short of incredibly proud when he pulls Louis close, nose buried in Zayn’s shoulder just this side of suffocating. “I’m so happy for you, Lou,” he whispers into his ear, and Louis is most definitely not having a hard time keeping his tears in. 

Thursday is a day without any festivities, but both Harry and Louis want to spend time alone together. Harry insists he has to study during the day and it makes him yearn to get out of the house at night, so they agree to have a quiet night in at Louis’ before things go crazy over the weekend once again.   
Harry offers to bring Thai take away, relieving Louis of cooking and still providing a relatively healthy meal. They eat, and after Harry’s teased Louis into a full tour of his house, they just sit down and watch TV together, enjoying the fact that there’s no longer a reason to refrain from kissing.   
Harry does go home around eleven though, both of them holding on to the idea of taking it slow and sharing no more than kisses for the time being.

 

Once Zayn and Liam’s wedding extravaganza (their term) is over, Nathalie comes back from her vacation with Niall and Barbara, and Louis finds himself having to get used to the distinct lack of Harry in his life. Even if they call each other at least once a day, it’s a big change from spending every evening together and sharing each other’s space almost constantly.   
He doesn’t push it though, he understands well enough that Harry needs to spend time on his own, and most importantly, with his daughter after the intense two weeks they’ve had.   
He’s just maybe a bit more irritable than the weeks before, and he’s sure his colleagues are at least as happy as he is when Niall picking Nathalie up means that Harry’s at his front step an hour later.

Louis still has a mouth full of his chicken sandwich when he opens the door, eager to let Harry in, but that doesn’t keep Harry from attacking him, locking their lips together as if they had been separated for years.   
He puts his hand on Harry’s chest, pushing him back long enough to swallow his bite and then pulling him back in by his shirt. “Hey there, eager much?”  
“Hmmm, missed you,” comes Harry’s reply, walking further inside and shutting the door with his foot.   
“Missed you too, but that doesn’t mean it is alright to try and steal my food out of my mouth, Styles!” Louis chastises him playfully. “If you’re that hungry, I’m sure I can fix you your own sandwich or summat.”  
Harry rolled his eyes at him. “‘M not hungry, just had dinner with Nathalie before Niall picked her up. Tea sounds good though?”  
“Tea it is, oh good sir,” Louis replies solemnly, moving over to the kitchen, that he maybe should’ve cleaned, now that he sees it through Harry’s eyes. He clears his throat and makes himself as broad as possible to hide the mess on the counter as he turns to ask Harry what tea he wants. Of course, of course he chooses the herbal one that no one ever wants, and Louis starts to think that the box will finally get empty after two years of standing in his kitchen cabinet without use. The smell alone is enough to make him pull up his nose, and he’s glad he’s got his own tea, normal, sturdy, regular yorkshire to make up for it. 

They settle down on the couch, both of them leaning against an armrest and their legs tangled up in the middle. The TV is playing something Harry doesn’t recognise, the sound muted and the light illuminating Louis’ face in blues and reds as they talk about everything and nothing. They’ve heard each other at least once every day, so there’s not much to catch up on, but they always find something to talk about together. Sometimes it’s football, other days it’s something more profound like Jung or Freud or the sense and nonsense of psychotherapy for personality disorders.   
Louis loves it, he realises only now how much he’s missed having someone to talk to like that, and the kisses he gets with it are a very lovely bonus. 

Somewhere between another cup of tea and a pack of biscuits to go with it, Louis ends up in Harry’s lap. His head’s on the armrest, within kissing reach of Harry’s who seems to have forgotten what they were talking about when Louis’ hand sneaks under his shirt. Louis smirks when Harry closes his eyes as he toys with the soft flesh on his hips, fingers skirting along the waistband of his skinnies, kisses his adam’s apple as he swallows.   
He moves around a bit until he’s straddling Harry, finding a more comfortable position to press kisses to his neck, gauging his reactions and storing them away for later. Apparently the spot right under his ear, where his neck meets his shoulder, is really sensitive. Or so Louis discovers as he first presses his lips against it, earning him a gasp, then sucks lightly and follows it up with a wet lick of his tongue. When he looks back up, Harry’s biting his bottom lip, and things get even more interesting when he shuffles around in his lap, feeling exactly how much Harry loves his ministrations.

“Just… just asking,” he mumbles between kisses to Harry’s lips and all over his face. “How slow are we going exactly?” If he grinds his ass down on Harry’s crotch extra sensual to maybe influence his reply, nobody has to know.  
“I can hardly remember why we were going slow,” Harry brings out, biting back a moan before he moves to catch Louis’ lips, prying them open with a pointed lick to the seam.   
“So…” Louis starts as he pulls back from the soaring kiss. “It would be okay if I did this?” His fingers move to the buttons of Harry’s shirt, fixing him with a stare and giving him the time and opportunity to say no before he starts undoing them. Harry’s obviously not planning on saying no, though, instead nodding furiously while his own hands move to the hem of Louis’ band T-shirt to pull it up.   
It doesn’t take more than ten minutes before they’re both shirtless, kissing breathlessly and grinding against each other. Harry’s hands are wandering all over Louis’ back, stroking on the way down, scratching lightly on the way up, watching in awe as it makes him arch his back while he grinds down.   
“Fuck, Lou, you’re so beautiful,” he whispers, kissing all over his tattooed collarbones and scraping his teeth over the black words.   
Louis throws his head back on a particular deep grind, his fingers toying with Harry’s nipples because it makes him moan beautifully. “You’re one to speak, fuck Harry, ‘m gonna come in my pants like a 13 year old boy if you keep this up.”  
“Yeah?” Harry’s moved to Louis ear, licking and biting the lobe as he whispers hoarsely. “I could make sure you don’t come in your pants if you’d like.”  
“God! Yes! Fuck yes!” he scoots back a little and makes quick work of his fly, shedding his jeans while Harry struggles to get out of his. He looks down at Harry and still can’t believe the beautiful boy -man- is really his. Harry tugs him back into his lap and resumes his kissing at Louis’ ear and neck while Louis watches his long fingers disappear behind the waistband of his pants.   
Louis could swear he had plans for Harry, but he can’t seem to remember them as those long fingers wrap around his length, pushing his pants further down so he can see it happening as well. It’s not long before he has to close his eyes though, the pleasure becoming too much, even if the friction borders on painful with his precome as sole lubrication for the slide of Harry’s hand. His fingers grip around Harry’s shoulders, his head burrowing into his neck as he pants between the plethora of moans and groans slipping out.   
His fingernails are probably leaving marks with the force he’s using, but he can’t care less, finds it hot even, and it’s embarrassingly soon that he feels his orgasm building in the pit of his stomach. Pleasure surges down his spine and adds to the white hot heat he feels.   
“Nguhnhhhg, Harry,” he manages as a warning that he’s about to come, and Harry does nothing but nuzzle into his neck, kiss him softly and fasten his strokes. When he finally does come, it’s with a loud, high pitched cry that he’s sure the neighbours have heard, but he couldn’t care less. Harry strokes him through it, his kisses unrelenting and soft on his shoulder and neck.   
“So pretty, Lou, so pretty,” he keeps murmuring, and Louis feels warm and fuzzy, wrapped in the cocoon of Harry’s affection.   
It takes a while before he realises Harry’s still hard underneath him, and he awkwardly shuffles backwards on his lap to fetch a tissue to clean up a little before moving onto his knees, dragging Harry’s boxers down his legs so he can return the favour. 

“There’s cum on your face,” Harry giggles, laying lazily and completely spent on Louis’ couch. His pants are somewhere on the floor, and Louis is spread out on top of him. Both of them sated and happy.   
“Lick it off then,” Louis challenges, eyes going wide when Harry shrugs and does just that, cleaning Louis’ face of his own cum.   
It seems silly to let Harry go home, so he stays the night and they spend their entire Sunday without putting any clothes on, exactly the way Louis likes it. 

It goes on like that for another month, when Nathalie’s with Harry, they mostly talk through the phone, only one or two visits of an hour or two when she’s already in bed. When she’s with Niall, they’re in each other’s pockets pretty much all the time when they’re not working or studying. 

Lottie is the one who starts to question it, though, when he’s fully honest, he has to admit that there’s been a niggling voice in the back of his mind for a while now.  
“I suppose we should hang up now huh, if you’re almost home. Boyfriend time and all, and it’s Friday so no getting up early for work,” she teases through the speaker in his car as he drives home from work.   
“Huh? Oh! No, it’s fine. It’s his week with Nathalie, so we’re only calling around nine.” Louis answers, swearing quietly when the car in front of him forgets to use his indicator and swerves onto his lane.  
“Really? Huh. Weird.”  
“What? Why’s that weird? He wants to spend time with Nathalie, so we don’t see each other much when she’s with him.” He looks around and turns onto his street, checking for a parking spot and inwardly cheering when he spots one right in front of his house.  
“Lou, you’ve been together for almost two months, right?”  
“Uhm, yeah, I guess, two months last Thursday. We celebrated with pizza and some things I shouldn’t tell my little sister,” he grins  
“Ugh, Lou, I don’t even want to know!” She complains. “Just, when Mike and I were together for two months, he’d met mum, and I’d met his parents twice. I was invited to their Easter brunch three months before Easter.”  
“Not everyone’s as clingy as you are, Lots.”  
“Lou… okay, maybe me meeting his parents on our third date was soon, I’ll give you that. But this is his daughter we’re talking about, and she doesn’t even know you exist.”  
“What are you trying to say Lottie?” His voice is getting an angry lilt to it, and he hates it.  
“I’m not saying anything, I just… I think it’s weird that you still haven’t met his daughter who he loves. Not even as a friend or anything. I mean, I’d get it if he didn’t want her to know you were together after a week, but this?” They’re both quiet for a bit, only their breathing coming through the static of the phone.  
“Ugh, god. I hate it when you’re right.” He complains, dread filling his body to the core.  
“I’m sorry Louis, I didn’t mean to upset you,” she does sound sorry and it makes him smile sadly.  
“No, it’s… it’s fine Lottie. I suppose Zayn would’ve already said something if he wasn’t in his post marital bubble of love, and I think I already knew this isn’t entirely right,” he sighs.  
“Do you want me to come over tomorrow? I mean, I’ve got no plans I can’t reschedule, I think.”  
“Nah, it’s fine. Niall’s picking Nathalie up tomorrow afternoon, and we’d agreed to meet up for dinner. I’ll talk to Harry tomorrow night.”  
“Alright. Good luck, Lou.”  
“Thanks, I’ve got the idea I’ll need it.”

God, why could nothing just go right and be easy for him?


	14. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the smart thing would probably be to keep the chapter I've written tonight as a buffer for next week.  
> I'm not as smart as everyone seems to think though, so I'm going to post it anyway.

Something seems off tonight, but Harry can’t tell what it is. Louis has been uncharacteristically quiet all evening, hardly engaging in the conversation he’s trying to have about children’s psychology and if he should enlist for an extra course in play-therapy or not. 

They’re halfway through their dessert - they’re not even sharing one and that hasn’t happened since the wedding - when he’s finally annoyed enough to call him out on it. 

“Louis, what’s wrong? And don’t say nothing because you’ve been acting weird all evening,” he huffed, recoiling in his seat when he notices Louis’ eyes grow wider.”Did I do something wrong?” It’s barely audible through the buzz in the restaurant, quiet as a whisper in the dead of night.

“Fuck. Shit. Sorry Haz, it’s just… Man, I didn’t want to do this here,” he sighs, rubbing his hands across his face in some strange sort of desperation.

_ Is this? Fuck _ . “Are you breaking up with me?”

“WHAT? NO!” People at the tables surrounding theirs are looking up from their meals. “Sorry!” Louis apologises quickly, holding up his hands. “No no no no no, Harry,  _ of course _ I’m not breaking up with you!”

“Then what  _ is _ it Louis? You’re driving me crazy here!”

“Fuck. Alright. Just… I’m not trying to pick a fight, okay, please try to remember that?”

“Louis!”

“Fine! The fact that you won’t even let me meet your daughter drives me nuts. There, said it,” he blurted.

“What?” He’s sure a look of confusion is currently contorting his face. “You want to meet Nathalie? Why?”

“Harry!” He rubs his hands over his face again, dropping them to toy with his spoon and swirl it through the molten ice cream on his place. “It’s just… it’s as if you’re ashamed of me? We’ve been together for two months now, and I would understand if you didn’t feel ready to introduce her to a new boyfriend, but you haven’t let me near her! She doesn’t even know I exist.”

Harry feels his jaw slacken, his hand drops to the table, his fork clatters onto his plate. 

 

“I know this isn’t easy for either of us, Harry. I know that very well. And I know that we’ve agreed to taking it slow, which is why I would understand if she wouldn’t know we’re in a relationship. But I also told you I would love you fiercely, and it surely feels like I’m headed that way, but currently I feel like we’re not on the same page. Hell, perhaps we’re not even in the same book.” He pulls the napkin up from his lap and smashes it on the table, his mood apparently changed from desperate to angry, and to hell with that. 

“You know, you told me to get myself together and take a risk with this. I did, because you said you wanted me, all of me. What’s happened to that? I know she’s met Barbara, so apparently her and Niall are serious enough to meet Nathalie, but we’re not?”

Harry’s still struck with horror, unable to reply to any of it, as it’s still processing in his mind.

 

“I thought I made it clear enough in these past two months that I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to. Is that what this is? You want me to fuck off? Do you want me gone because this relationship isn’t turning out to be what you expected out of it?”

That’s what brings him back. “Fuck. You. Louis. Just fuck you,” he hisses, pulling out his wallet from his back pocket and leafing through it to find enough money to cover about half of the check. “You don’t get to do this, you don’t get to tell me what I should and shouldn’t tell my daughter. Fuck you. Don’t come for me. Don’t call me.” He stands up, almost letting his chair fall over and storms out of the restaurant with as much dignity as he can muster while tears are starting to spill from his eyes. 

 

Of course it’s raining as well when he emerges on the street, even if the weather had been wonderful when they entered, it’s just his luck that it rains while he’s in his nice clothes and he doesn’t have an umbrella. He doesn’t want to risk Louis running after him, just doesn’t want to see him right now, so he runs down the street, sighing in relief when he reaches a flowershop that’s left it’s pent open overnight. He mentally goes through his options, going home is probably a bad idea; he’d be all alone, prone to overthinking things and it would be the first place Louis went looking if he decided to. Niall’s not really an option either, since he’s got Nathalie, and Babs of course, given that their friendship is strong enough yet for this kind of things, and he’s not at all sure of that. Gemma. She’s probably his best shot.

 

“Knock, knock,” Gemma picks up her phone.

Harry snorts, even through the tears that are now streaming down his face. “Who’s there?” He winces at how shot his voice sounds already.

“Haz? What’s wrong?” He can practically hear her sit up and lean forward in concern.

“Are- are you at home?”

“Yeah… you wanna come over?”

“Is Nick there? ‘Cause I don’t want to disturb your evening together and -”

“Don’t be silly. He’s here, yeah, but he doesn’t mind you coming over and he’ll gladly leave us alone to talk so he can go and play some stupid computer game,” she scolds. “I’m sending him out for ice cream, sounds like you need some,” she adds, hanging up before he can argue any further. Probably a good idea as well, because, knowing him, he’d have talked himself out of going if she’d let him. 

 

The rain seems to let up a bit, so he ducks out from under the pent and legs home to get his car. It’s either that or two buses, and since he’s not sure how long his self-pity session with Gemma will last, he’d rather not depend on public transport to get home.

 

It’s Nick who opens the door for him when he arrives 45 minutes later, hugging him quickly before pointing to the living room. “Gem’s in there, go ahead,” he smiles before disappearing up the stairs. 

He pulls off his boots and leaves his coat on the hanger before going through, finding Gemma on the couch with a pint of Chunkey Monkey resting on her belly, two spoons in her hand. She smiles at him as he comes in, handing him one of the spoons and allows him to cuddle close.

“Your belly’s grown so much,” he mumbles, digging his spoon into the tub even if he’s just eaten a three course meal with his boyfriend. If that’s still what they are.

She kindly allows him to avoid the actual reason why he’s there until they’ve spooned through half the tub, both of them too full to continue eating.

“Go put this in the freezer and then come back and talk to me, H,” she tells him, ignoring his eye rolling and shoving him off the couch. 

 

“What’s wrong then, thought you had a proper dinner-date with the boyfriend?” She asks, her voice gentle as he folds himself into the couch.

“Yeah, we had dinner. I took off though, got mad at him.” He can feel her frown into his shoulder, but she lets him tell the story in his own pace. “He- well, basically he said I was being unfair by not introducing him to Nathalie.”

“Hmmmm,” she pulls him closer, knowing how protective he is of his little girl.

“And it’s not like I don’t want her to know him, ‘s just… I don’t want to introduce her to boyfriend after boyfriend.”

“H, are you serious? Do you hear yourself? Boyfriend after boyfriend?”

He shrugs.

“Come on, Harry. How many boyfriends have you got since you and Niall divorced? In fact, how many guys have you slept with since then? And how many boyfriend did you have before you and Niall got together?”

“Louis’ the first,” he squeaks.

“Exactly. You’re not the type to even have boyfriend after boyfriend, let alone introduce them to Nathalie. But what did you tell Nathalie about him then? How did you introduce them?”

“I didn’t?” His voice comes out at least an octave higher than it usually was.

“Harry!? Are you saying they haven’t even met? She doesn’t even know he exists?” She squawks.

“No… I mean, no they haven’t met. I’m sure I’ve mentioned him at some point, but she doesn’t know who he is.”

“Ohhhh, Haz… No wonder he got mad. After he’s given you that speech about loving you fiercely?! After he’s done everything you’ve asked him to do?” 

She sees tears threatening to spill and pulls him closer, nudging her nose into his hair. “Hazzaboo… I’m afraid you’ve messed up a bit. He sure sounds like he’s serious about you, he didn’t sign up for a week on-week off relationship. He wants all of you. And that includes Nathalie.”

“I know. Fuck. I’m such an ass,” he whines.

“I’m sure this is still fixable, love. But judging from the way you’ve stormed out of that restaurant, I’d maybe give him some time to calm down before you try to talk to him.”

“You think?”

“Sure. I don’t know him, of course, other than what you’ve told me, but I’m thinking this one’s a keeper, he’s not gonna let you push him away without a fight.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am. I’m always right, that’s my duty as your big sister. Now get out before I let you rub my stinky feet for an hour, I swear this baby is trying to ruin them.”

He presses a sticky kiss to her cheek. “Thanks, Gem.”

“Anytime, love. Tell Nick you’re going, and that I told him to come rub my feet?”

He snickers and goes to get his coat and boots. He’s almost out the door when he hears her yelling: “And you bring the ice cream next time! Pistachio please!”

 

****

 

“Niall? Hey, sorry for calling you this late, hope you weren’t asleep yet.”

“Nah Haz, ‘s all good. What’s up?” Comes Niall’s voice through the phone as he walks to his car.

“Uhm, I would like to talk to you about something, tomorrow, maybe? I know Nathalie’s with you, of course, but I was hoping Babs could watch her for a bit?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m sure that could be arranged. Forecast says it’ll be sunny tomorrow, we were thinking of going to that sick new playground near the harbour?”

“The one with the green and blue twister slide?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. We could meet you there around two? Nat’s gonna love seeing you outside your week.”

“Sorry about that though, and thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

There’s a text waiting for him when he hangs up.

 

_ Louis tha boyfriend XOXO _

_ I said some things I shouldn’t have. Sorry. Call me if you’re ready to talk. _

 

****

 

Sunday is indeed sunny and pleasant so Harry decides to walk to the playground where he’s meeting Niall, hoping to find some distraction in it. The three of them are already there when he arrives, he can hear Nathalie’s laughter from yards away as she’s on the swings, being pushed by Niall, Babs on the swing next to her. 

“Daddyyyyyyyy,” she screams when she finally spots him, almost jumping off the swing at it’s highest point.

“Hiiii butterfly,” he cheers. “Stay put, love, you’re gonna get hurt.”

“Daddy, you’re always so boring. Papa taught me how to jump off the swing!”

“Oi oi oi, I didn’t teach you how to jump off the swing if you’re going this high, young lady!”

“Fine! But what are you doing here, daddy? It’s papa’s Sunday, isn’t it?”

“It is, love, but your daddy and I wanted to catch up a bit, are you alright if Babs plays with you for a while?”

Nathalie tilts her head, curiously investigating their faces. “Are you guys being friends again?”

Harry and Niall both have the decency to be embarrassed. “Yeah, I think we are, butterfly.”

“In that case, it’s alright, go and talk!” She pretty much shoos them off, waving her hand at them as they walk away to sit down at the edge of the playground, that’s surprisingly empty for such a beautiful day.

“She’s gonna be a teenage nightmare, you realise that, yeah?” Harry questions as they sit down.

“Oh yeah, she’s got enough attitude for an entire class, I imagine,” Niall confirms. “So?”

“Uhm, it’s nothing bad, don’t worry. I just… need advice?”

Niall blinks furiously. “You need  _ my _ advice? Are you ill?” He reaches up to feel Harry’s forehead for a temperature.

“Shut up, Horan, I’ll just as easily walk away if you’re not being nice.”

“Hey, it’s you who wanted advice, Styles,” he laughs, and for the first time in years it feels like they’re good.

“Uhm, yeah, right. Well, uhm, I’ve kind of been seeing someone, for a couple of months now? And, like, if you look back on it now, we’ve been a thing for a while longer.”

“Really? That’s good on you, Haz, ‘m glad to hear that,” Niall smiles genuinely.

“Thanks,” he smiles back. “I just… How did you know it was alright for Babs to meet Nathalie? I don’t want to introduce her to people if they’re not going to stick around, you know?”

“I dunno? I just knew, I think. I knew she was going to stick around, so I guess that’s what you should ask yourself. Do you think he’s going to stick around for a while, or is he just a fun distraction for a little while?” Niall muses. 

“I had Babs force me into admitting we were serious, and it was actually not a long while after that I realised she was here to stay, but a longer while for me to get over the threshold of introducing her to Nat. Of course, there was also the small thing of her being a girl. I took her to meet me family first, wanted that to be behind us. Shouldn’t have worried about it though, they were all lovely about it,” he smiled wistfully. “Maybe, if that hadn’t been an issue, I’d introduced her and Nathalie a bit sooner.”

“Do you think I should introduce her to Louis?”

“‘S that his name? Sounds proper posh, Haz.” Niall teases, earning him a slap around the head.

“He’s not posh, he’s really nice, actually,” Harry goes into full on defensive mode.

“Seriously, I can’t decide it for you, mate, you’re the one who has to make that call. But you’ve got my blessing, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Thanks, Niall, that means a lot. This… this talk and us being able to do this, means a lot actually. I’m glad we’re getting here.”

“Same, Harry. I missed being your friend.”

“C’mon, I’ll buy us some ice cream,” Harry announced as he got up, gesturing to the ice cream truck that came driving down the road.

  
  


*****

 

“Harry?” And  _ fuck _ , Louis’ voice sounds wrecked, as if he’s been crying since Harry left him at the restaurant yesterday.

“Lou, hi,” the mixed feeling of dread and relief flooding him is confusing to say the least, but Harry soldiers on.

“Are you at home? Can I come over? I’d… I’d like to talk. Fix things between us?”

“I-I’m not. I’m with Liam and Zayn. I could come to yours though, in say, half an hour?”

“They live near the old harbour, no?”

“Uhm, yeah, just around the corner.”

“I’m near, I could pick you up and we could walk home together?”

“Oh, yeah. Okay. I’ll text you the address. I’ll come down in ten minutes.”

“Perf, see you then.”

 

He kind of misses his coat to duck into, to stick his hands inside his pockets. He feels naked as he waits for Louis to come out of the building across the street. Sick with anticipation, because what if they can’t fix this? What if this is the point where they find out they’re not meant to be?

Louis looks as tired and wrecked as he sounded, and as Harry felt before his talk to Niall. He’s made a decision and there’s nothing left but hoping it’s the right one.

 

“Hi,” Louis’ voice is hardly more than a whisper.

“Hey.” He turns, not looking to see if Louis follows, but breathes in relief when he sees his white sneakers line up with his boots as they start walking home.

It takes about five minutes of walking in silence before they decide to break it. At the same time.

“I’m sorry,” is what they both say, causing them to chuckle at the idiocy of the situation.

Louis is the one who recovers first. “I said some things I shouldn’t have said. I mean, yeah, I was angry, but most of all I was scared that you would say yes when I asked if you wanted me to go. I still am.”

Harry stops dead in his tracks, lets Louis walk in front of him for a couple steps before he realises he’s alone and turns around. 

“Of course I don’t want you to go, Louis,” he breathes. “You were right, I’m being a coward for hiding you from Nathalie. Deep down, I knew, I know that you’re in this for the long run. I was just scared to admit it to myself, afraid that I would one day wake up and it’d turn out to be a dream. But you’re such an important part of my life, so is Nathalie, and there’s no reason to keep you separated, really.” 

He can see Louis’ bottom lip trembling a bit, can almost hear his shaky breath. “So, if you still want to, I’d like for you to come over next week, like, for a visit? You could come round late afternoon and stay for dinner?”

Louis takes three tentative steps closer to Harry. “Are you sure, though? This is not a joke, is it Harry, because I swear I will die if it is.”

“I wouldn’t joke about this, Lou. I’m in this for the long run, I want all of you, and I want you to have all of me.”

“Okay, yeah. Yes. Please,” Louis nods, a small smile pulling on his lips as he closes the distance, his hand reaching up to cup Harry’s neck as he stands on his tip toes, hesitating for a split second before he crashes their lips together. They don’t even move their lips, just press them together and yet it’s the best kiss they’ve had so far. Because it’s real and raw and pure. It is everything they need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [this](http://lalalaartje.tumblr.com/post/142344764482/chonceinalifetime) is the gif I was thinking of while writing the talk between Harry and Niall. Also the gif that made me want to write this tonight, even if I'm pretty much dead now.


	15. Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff fluff fluff and more fluff.  
> You should probably brush your teeth after reading this, and make an appointment with your dentist, just to be sure!

Next Saturday afternoon’s quiet. Louis’ gone home just that morning, wanting to leave Harry on his own for when Nathalie comes home, and he’s scheduled to come back around five. That gives them some time to spare to get to know each other a bit before having dinner together. Even if he went over to Niall’s on Wednesday to tell Nathalie about Louis, even if that went absolutely splendid, he’s nervous. Of course Nathalie was great about it, just like she had been with Niall and Barbara, she was mostly happy that he was happy, but the proud looks Niall kept giving him were doing nothing to make him less flustered. 

 

He’d gone over to Louis’ later that night and he’ll never forget how happy, how loved, Louis looked when he told him. Things aren’t quite what they were before last weekends’ debacle, but they’re getting there. In some ways, Harry thinks they’re better now. They’re less clingy, less like they have to compensate for a week without much contact in the weeks they can see each other. They still call each other at least once a day, but they’re also taking some time out to do other things, which leaves them with new things to discuss when they do see each other.

What did change is that they always spend the night when they meet up in the evening, though their sexcapades don’t extend beyond mutual handjobs and an occasional enthusiastic blowjob. It’s nice like this, it’s starting to feel more like an adult relationship than like a teenage fling, and Harry realises only now how that’s exactly what he needs.

 

He’s just putting away the vacuum cleaner for the second time in a couple of hours, needing something to do while waiting, when his doorbell chimes, indicating the arrival of Nathalie and Niall. He opens the door to a very cheery 4 year old, carrying what looks like the most sugary pink and green cake ever seen by mankind. 

“She’s been baking with Babs all morning,” Niall explains. “Wanted to make dessert for Louis.”

“Is he here yet, daddy?” she asks, putting the cake box down long enough to dump her backpack and then running into the living room to see for herself.

“He’s coming around at five, Nathalie, that’s another two hours!” He yells after her, rolling his eyes at Niall who’s snickering in the doorway. “You want to come in for a bit?”

“Nah, ‘s fine. Babs is in the car, we’re supposed to have dinner with her parents tonight.”

“Oooh, casually meeting the in-laws huh?” Harry teases, delighted by the way Niall’s cheeks turn red. “So things are good between the two of you, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah. We’re uhm, thinking of moving in together? Her lease expires after summer, so maybe… we’re just considering it. I was planning on consulting you about that, by the way, wasn’t just going to do it, with Nathalie around and all,” he’s resembling a tomato by now, and Harry decides to end his suffering.

“It’s fine, Niall. We’ll talk about it later, but Babs is great, Nathalie thinks so too, and the two of you are obviously happy together, so why would I object? Now go and submit yourself to the wrath of the mother-in-law,” he winks, waving at Barbara when he spots her in the passenger seat. 

 

The remaining hours before Louis arrives fly by. There’s hardly ever a dull moment with Nathalie, and it gives him something to do and distracts his thoughts while he waits. They prepare dinner together, putting all ingredients into the oven dish to it only needs to be baked, and then play with her dollhouse for a bit. They’ve just put all the small parts away for next time, Nathalie already running upstairs to grab a book she wants to read, when the doorbell chimes again. 

It’s a bit of a relief that Louis seems at least as nervous as he feels, but luckily there’s his daughter to break the ice. They share a soft, short kiss, but Nathalie was apparently watching them already from the stairs, commenting on it. “Ewww, papa and Babs are kissing all the time too, it’s so gross!”

“Nathalie, manners please!” Harry reminds her sternly, hiding his smirk before he turns around to face her. He allows Louis to come in and watches him crouch down to introduce himself.

“Hi, my name’s Louis, and your dad sure has told me about you, but he failed to mention how witty you are.”

“Hello, Louis, I’m not sure what you mean, but thank you anyway. Will you come and read a book with us?”

“Sure! What book are you reading?” He asks, letting her pull him up and along into the living room.

“The dinosaur that pooped a planet, do you know it? The one about Christmas is my favourite but daddy says he gets sick of it by Easter so I can’t read it in the summer,” she rambles, already finding a good spot between the pillows on the couch. Louis easily comes along, settling down next to her and listening intently as she starts telling him about the pooping dino-series. 

It seems like they’re okay, so Harry leaves them to tend to their dinner, preheating the oven and washing up the last couple of things while keeping his ears perked to make sure he catches it if there’s even the slightest hint of anything going wrong.

When he’s done, their casserole shoved into the oven to bake, he smiles as he comes through the door. They look kind of cute together, engrossed in the story they’re reading together. Nathalie allows him to actually read the story out loud, instead of telling it herself since she knows it by heart after a billion times. 

“Would you like to go to space, Louis?” She asks when he’s done, shutting the book with a quiet clap. 

“Uhm,” he scratches his stubble while he considers her question seriously. “I’m not sure. I think I would miss my family too much.”

“And daddy too?”

“Yes, and your daddy as well,” he answers solemnly. 

“Hmmm. I wouldn’t want to go without daddy and papa and Babs. And I guess you could come too, or daddy would get sad.” Nathalie replies seriously, making Harry snicker from where he’s leaning against the wall next to the kitchen door. “It’s true daddy, you would be moping around the entire time and no one would have fun because of you!” she accuses, only now noticing his presence.

“Hey! I’m not that bad!” He pouts, jutting out his bottom lip for good measure.

“You kind of are,” Louis smirks and _H_ _ ey! That’s not fair! _

“Tomlinson, you were supposed to come and meet Nathalie, not team up with her against me!” He whines, making the two of them only laugh harder.

“We met, we get along, sounds exactly like what you wanted from this afternoon, don’t you think so Nathalie?”

“He’s right, daddy. You should be happy. Though I don’t think going to space would be a good idea. We would have to wear a helmet and it’d ruin Louis’ hair.” Nathalie muses. “You’ve got good hair, Louis.”

“Why thank you, little miss Styles,” he smiles, chuckling when she haughtily corrects him.

“It’s Horan-Styles, actually,” there’s a smile hiding behind her faux-seriousness though, and it takes mere minutes before they’re giggling together. 

 

The evening went wonderful, Harry thinks when he closes the door behind Louis. Him and Nathalie had hit it off right from the start and they all had a lot of fun. Even if the majority of it consisted of them teaming up to tease him. 

“Daddy! I’m ready!” Nathalie shouts from upstairs, pulling him out of his reverie and back into gear for the bedtime routine.

He takes the stairs two at a time and finds her in the bathroom, handing him her towel so he could help dry her hair and back before getting her pajamas on. 

“Can Louis come to the playground with us tomorrow daddy?” She asks once she’s tucked in tightly under her covers. 

“Would you like that?” She nods enthusiastically, making him chuckle. “Why don’t we call him in the morning and ask if he would like to?”

She easily agrees to it and falls into a deep sleep even before he’s finished her bedtime story, not even noticing him leaving the room.

 

_ Hazzababe <3 _

_ Tonight was so nice, thank you. _

 

_ Louis tha boyfriend XOXO _

_ Thank you. It was truly an honour meeting your wonderful girl, Haz. Thanks for letting me in. _

 

_ Hazzababe <3 _

_ Thanks for pushing me love. Gonna take a nice hot bath and then get to bed, I’m exhausted. G’night babe! _

 

_ Louis tha boyfriend XOXO  _

_ Thanks for planting that image in my head curly. Sleep tight though! _

  
  


Unfortunately, Louis had scheduled a visit home for the next day, so he can’t join them at the playground, but he promises to join them for a trip to the Zoo in a couple of weeks. 

  
  


It’s hot on the day of Harry’s graduation. Louis got to campus straight from work, changed into slightly formal attire right before he left and he is looking around the thickening crowd for a familiar face. Harry said he’d try to come and see him before the ceremony starts, but he knows it’s always a mess behind the scenes. At least it was when he graduated. There were last minute hook ups, wanting to make most of it before they lost track of each other, a lot of free champagne and even more drunk giggling because of it, and constant picture taking to immortalise the moment. 

There’s indeed no sign of Harry, so he leans against an empty table to the side of the hall, waiting until they’re given the signal that they can enter the auditorium, thumbing around on his phone.

“Louiiiiiiis,” he hears someone screaming his name, and when he looks up he sees Nathalie running towards him. They’ve seen each other three more times since that first night last week, and they get along really well. He’d known she’d be there, just hadn’t given much thought about it. Nathalie flings her arms around his hips upon arriving where he’s standing, and he hugs her back kindly until he notices the people walking behind her.

“Hi, you must be Louis then,” the blond man says, sticking out his hand as a smirk tugs on his lips. “Niall.”

“Ah, yeah, I figured,” Louis smiles. “Nice to meet you.” He shakes the hand that’s extended to him, turning slightly to greet the woman next to him. “And I suppose you’re Barbara.”

Babs shakes his hand as well, only just has the time to ask him to call her Babs like everyone else does before a chime reverberates through the hall, signaling it’s time to head inside.

“Where’s daddy?” Nathalie looks slightly panicked as she looks up at Niall and Louis. “Daddy’s going to miss it!” She’s pulling on Niall’s trousers as he tries to walk inside, about to go into full on panic-mode if Louis’ one to judge.

“What?” Niall doesn’t seem to have heard her, so Louis crouches down, grabs her hand and makes sure she’s looking at him.

“What’s up, love?”

“Daddy’s not here, he’s going to miss his own graduwaiting!” She wails, tears already brimming her eyes.

“Hey, hey love,” he pulls her closer, wraps an arm around her back as she curls up against him. “He is here, alright, he’s been here way before we got here, getting ready with all of the other students and waiting for the ceremony to begin.” He’s murmuring it into her neck by the end of his sentence, unaware of their surroundings.

“Are you sure Lou?” She asks, voice frail and her tears leaving wet stains on his shirt as she looks up at him.

“Absolutely, your daddy sent me a text when he got here, and that was like two hours ago!” He assures her, pushing himself up again as he reaches out a hand. “Now shall we go inside and find a good spot?”

She grabs his hand and nods, reaching out for Niall’s hand as they continue their way into the auditorium. 

 

“So uhm, you got kids of your own?” Niall asks when they’re seated, the room still buzzing with proud family members talking.

“Huh? Oh, no! I just have a lot of siblings, and I worked with young kids for a while before I graduated.” Louis answers, understanding that he’s referring to the instinctive way he handled Nathalie’s panic earlier.

“Really? I pegged for the kind of guy who had kids at a young age. I mean, not that you’re ancient now, of course, but just, more like Harry and I did? If you know what I mean?”

Louis chuckles. “I get it, yeah. And I  _ am  _ that kind of guy, but unfortunately it took me a while to get in a stable relationship, and when I did, my boyfriend didn’t exactly agree on my plans for the future. So, no kids.”

“Yet?” Babs interferes, smiling kindly from where she’s sat beside Niall.

“Uhm, well, who knows what the future brings,” he squeaks, finding it a bit awkward to discuss having kids without his boyfriend there, let alone when the discussion is held with said boyfriend’s ex-husband.

“Never mind her,” Niall consoles him, “she’s just being curious. We get that it’s not exactly an easy and simple decision in a complex family situation like ours, if it ever is, really.”

The lights dim before he can comment any further, and he can’t say he’s sorry about that. Nathalie wiggles excitedly in her chair when the graduates descend from the stairs in the middle of the auditorium, grinning and waving at their family members. She jumps up excitedly when she spots Harry, squeals when he throws her a kiss and then turns to stage-whisper to Louis that he was right, “daddy is here!”

 

The ceremony is rather boring, the necessary speeches are held before every single graduate is called to the front to receive a mock-diploma and congratulations from their professors. In reality they’re only about forty students, but it sure feels like a hundred to Louis, and if her fidgeting is any indication, Nathalie agrees. 

Finally they’re done and the lights go back on, allowing everyone to file out for the reception while the graduates stay behind for a couple of pictures. 

  
  


The summer is lovely. Nathalie is on a break from school, Harry’s low-key looking for jobs while trying to decide if he should sign up for an extra course on children’s psychology and Louis has a couple of weeks off as well. 

On his last day of work, it’s also their five month anniversary and they plan on celebrating it a bit. Nathalie’s with Harry though, so they don’t make a lot of fuss around it, just have dinner together and share a bottle of wine between them when she’s gone to bed. They’re just saying goodbye at the door, both pleasantly drunk on wine and lips stained a beautiful red because of it. Harry keeps kissing Louis, pressing their lips together in the softest and probably messiest way but it’s nice and lovely and he wants more of it and…

“Daddy?” 

Nathalie’s halfway down the stairs, looking soft and sleepy but most of all confused and Harry’s sober within a second, rushing up to her to go and find out what’s up.

“Hey baby, what are you doing up?” He asks softly, pulling her into his arms and sitting down on the steps.

“I woke up and you weren’t in your room so I came down to find you,” she says around a yawn.

“I’ll let you two get to bed,” Louis smiles softly up at them, reaching for his denim vest as he prepares to walk home.

“Aren’t you staying?” Nathalie asks, sounding confused.

“What?” They both look a bit shocked at her question. Of course they sleep together all the time when she’s at Niall’s but Louis has never stayed the night when she was around. 

“You don’t have work tomorrow have you? You’re on holiday now? So you can stay and sleep with daddy and we can have a breakfast picnic in bed in the morning.”

“Uhm,” Louis stammers eloquently as ever.

“It’s okay if you want to go home Lou,” Harry mumbles from where he’s sitting with Nathalie.

“Is it also okay if I want to stay?” It’s out of his mouth before he properly realises it, hand flying up to his mouth in an attempt to push the words back inside.

Harry’s smile grows though, eyes dancing as he looks at his boyfriend.

“Of course it is.” It’s almost a sigh, and Louis would’ve thought he’d dreamed it up if he hadn’t seen the way Harry was grinning manically when he hung back his jacket and started up the stairs.

“Let’s go to bed then, huh? Tomorrow is a big day, with our breakfast picnic  _ and  _ the trip to the Zoo I was promised by a certain miss Horan-Styles.

Nathalie’s giggles rise up in front of them as she dashes back to her room, leaving Louis and Harry to stare at each other lovingly for a couple of seconds before climbing the remaining steps. 

 

_ I love you. _ Louis thinks, not for the first time. His resolve to keep those three words inside gets smaller every day. 


	16. Fifteen

The day at the Zoo is lovely, so far. It’d been ages since Louis had visited, so it was nice to see how they’ve changed things around a little bit. Some animals have larger enclosures and they’ve updated the food and drinks-facilities. The last time he came here probably was when Daisy and Phoebe were still toddlers, so yeah, makes sense that things changed since then.

 

Nathalie is, and has been, skipping ahead of them, telling them she still needs to see the penguins and the lions and the elephants once more because they’re her favourites. Louis doesn’t understand how she keeps it up, they haven’t stopped for longer than five minutes ever since they arrived at eleven this morning, eating the sandwiches they brought while walking or watching the animals. He can’t even feel his feet five hours later.

“Hey! Nathalie!” he finally calls, his hand firmly clasped in Harry’s as they swing them back and forth between them. “How about some ice cream?”

Thank god she’s game for that, so they take a break from walking and sit down on a bench near an ice cream stall, Louis standing in line to order their treats. Of course there’s a million people in front of him, because it’s a warm day in the middle of summer break and most kids seem to want something to snack on, so he keeps himself busy by looking at Harry and Nathalie interacting while he waits. They’re super cute together, the way they’re genuinely interested in the other, how they mirror each other and how cuddly they get when they forget anyone else is around. Louis smiles at it, feeling torn between happiness, because that’s simply what the two of them evoke in him, yet also a little bit of envy. He wants what they have, always has, and he’s not sure if he’ll ever have that.

He had a plan, a very elaborate and detailed plan for his life with Stan. They’d get engaged, he was going to propose as soon as Stan would let him, get married in a small ceremony with a great party afterwards, and then start looking for a surrogate or an adoption agency that worked with infants. It would’ve been wonderful, and he only now realises that the only bad thing about the plan had been Stan.

“Sir?” He’s shaken out of his reverie when the guy in the stall asks him what he wants to order. He gets them all a cone of stracciatella ice cream and smiles thankfully when the guy holds them for a bit while he struggles to get his wallet back into his pocket. 

Nathalie and Harry are cuddling when he gets back to them, her head resting on his chest and it seems like the day is finally catching up with her. Her eyelids are drooping a bit, and she smiles tiredly in thanks when Louis hands her her cone.

They only make it to the lions after their ice cream before she climbs on Harry’s back, requesting to be carried to the car. 

 

It’s no surprise that she’s off to bed early that night, Harry only managed to have her eat a cheese sandwich before she nodded off at the table. Louis smiles up at him when he comes back downstairs after putting her to bed, offering him a toastie and a beer before cuddling up together.

“Hey, uhm, Haz?”

“Hmmm?” he looks half asleep himself, so maybe Louis shouldn’t ask him right now, but then again, he’s built up the courage now, so he’s not going to back down.

“I uhm, I was planning to go and see my family for a couple of days, not next week but the week after that. And uhm. I was wondering if maybe? If you and Nathalie would like to come with me?”

“What?” his eyes definitely are wide open now, he resembles a deer caught in the head lights if anything.

“Just… you know, come with me, meet my family?”

“As your boyfriend?”

“Yeah, that would be the entire point, Harry,” he snaps, narrowing his eyes at Harry. “Wait, is this a problem? Introducing you as my boyfriend?”

“Uhm, yeah, no, no, not a problem, just… didn’t expect it yet?” Harry mumbles.

“You were planning on keeping us a secret for a little while longer then.” Louis answers, feeling anger bubble up inside of him as he presses his lips together into a fine line.

“Louis! No!” Harry half-yells exasperatedly. “It’s just… I’ve  _ told _ people about us, okay? Like, Niall and Babs know, Nathalie knows, Gemma knows, I think I’ve mentioned something to my mum what made her suspect things. I’m not keeping us a secret. 

_ I’m not, _ ” he stresses when Louis raises his eyebrow. “Cut me some slack, alright? I haven’t had a new relationship since I was fifteen. I didn’t even have to tell my mum about Niall then because she caught us making out on the back step when we came home from school. This is  _ new _ for me Lou, I didn’t even think about meeting the parents yet.”

 

Louis sighs and scrubs his hand down his face, scratching his beard in passing. “Okay, sorry for getting mad at you.”

“‘S alright. But, uhm, meeting the parents, then?”

“It’s probably more like meeting the mother and the army of siblings,” Louis smirks. “And well, my stepdad, but he won’t be any trouble.”

Harry flinches. “Did anyone ever tell you you’re bad at consoling people’s anxiety? Because if not, I’m telling you now. You’re not helping.”

“Hey!” Louis shuffles closer, pulling Harry’s head onto his chest without caring that he has to slump down on the couch. “It’ll be fine, I love you, and that’s all they care about. Well, and you’re a much more decent guy than Stan ever was, that’ll help too,” he looks up again when Harry shuffles around in his lap, watching him with those big pale eyes again. “What did I say to scare you now?” he sighs.

“You- you love me?”

And  _ oh _ , yeah, he supposes he did say that. Out of nowhere. Oops.

“Uhm, yeah? Is that - ? Like, sorry to spring it on you out of nowhere but…” he starts.

Harry sits up, only to push himself on top of his boyfriend, forcing him down on his back while his lips frantically attach themselves to Louis’. 

 

Once the snog-fest is over, leaving them both panting on top of each other, Harry smirks. “Were you seriously going to ask me if it’s a problem that you love me?”

Louis sticks out his tongue at him, poking his dimple with one finger. “You did act like it was a problem, you know! Especially minutes after freaking out about meeting my family!”

Harry chuckles. “I love you too, you idiot. I’ve been biting my tongue for weeks because I didn’t wanna scare you off!”

“You’re kidding,” Louis deadpans. “We could’ve had celebratory we-love-each-other-sex weeks ago and now we can’t even have any because Nathalie’s staying with you this week?”

“Hey hey! Establishing our mutual love doesn’t mean we’re throwing the entire going slow-thing overboard, alright?” Harry fixes him with a stare. “But I suppose, if you manage to be quiet for once, we could celebrate with some we-love-each-other mutual hand- and/or blowjobs.”

“Hmmm... “ Louis hums, pulling Harry in for a kiss by fisting his shirt. “That-” kiss “sounds” kiss “like” kiss “a”  kiss ” wonderful plan.”

  
  


****

 

“But Louis! We hardly ever see you anymore!” Zayn whines. 

Louis rolls his eyes, turning around to see what Harry and Nathalie are up to. The weather was absolute shit today, so they went to an indoor playground for the afternoon so she could let off some steam, but they definitely weren’t the only ones with that kind of plans. The room was fucking loud, so when he got an incoming call from Zayn, he went outside to answer that, despite the pouring rain.

“Zayn, you saw me on Friday, today is Tuesday, that’s not even a week,” he deadpans.

“Still! You’re always with Harry and like, I’m happy that you’re happy, but just. We miss you.  _ I _ miss you. You’re my best friend and I’m glad you’re in this honeymoon stage of a relationship and with Harry too, but still.”

“You sound like a whiny teenager, Malik. Never knew you could be so needy.”

“Fuck you, Louis, I’m trying to be a good, loving friend here.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Look. How about Alton Towers, next Monday? The weather’s supposed to be better by then.”

“Are you bringing Harry?” Zayn asks, and Louis can picture him as he does, his eyes squinted nearly shut and his bottom lip poking out a bit.

“Can I?”

Zayn sighs, and rolls his eyes almost audibly. “Of course you can, just don’t be the smoochy couple all day, alright?”

“Oh no, no no no no no, Malik. You are not lecturing me about being a smoochy couple because you and Liam have been attached at the hip for over 10 years now. This is  _ so  _ not on.” Louis retorts, because just NO.

“Fine! You buy the tickets, we’re going with our car.” Zayn says.

“Whatever Malik, see you Monday.”

“You’re not coming to the pub tomorrow then?” 

“Uhm… not sure yet. Gemma’s about to pop and Harry has Nathalie this week so I figured I might have to watch her when he’s needed with her and...”

“Okay okay okay, be a good boyfriend, I get it!” Zayn complains, but Louis can hear the smile in his voice and can’t help smiling himself when he hangs up and meanders his way back to Harry and Nathalie. 

 

Gemma ends up giving birth the next day, early in the morning. Harry goes to see his new nephew in the afternoon, taking Nathalie with him so there’s not really any need for Louis to stay in at night, but he doesn’t mind keeping Harry company. Even if Harry tells him at least five times he can go out to the pub with Zayn and Liam, he insists that he’d rather go through Harry’s camera roll for the seventeenth time, looking at the pictures of baby Aiden.

  
  


Louis goes home on Friday. Harry and Nathalie have planned a trip to the hairdressers on Saturday morning before Niall picks her up in the afternoon, and Louis thinks that’s a good time to go home and be by himself for a bit. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy being around Harry and Nathalie, but it  _ is  _ a big change after being alone for such a long time.

Besides, they both know they’ll be texting each other all day anyway. 

 

It’s when he wakes up on Sunday, the sun already high in the sky - higher than it had ever been when he woke up at Harry’s, downside of having a small child around - that he finds a text from Harry.

It’s nothing special in itself, they text each other all the time, but it makes him smile nonetheless.

 

_ Hazzababe <3 _

_ Hey Lou, I’m cooking for Gemma & her fam & my mum tonight, @Gemma’s. Wanna come? _

 

After reading it, he’s not smiling, he’s just gaping at his phone, mouth wide open. Is this really his boyfriend asking him to meet his family? He checks the time, noticing Harry’d sent it almost three hours earlier, so he must be going nuts waiting for an answer by now. He presses a few buttons and brings the phone to his ear.

 

“Lou?”

“Relieved to know I’m awake, I’m guessing?” Louis teases, smiling when he hears Harry’s nervous chuckle through the phone.

“You could say that.”

“Is this really you asking me to meet your family, Hazza?”

“It is, but like, it’s okay if you can’t, I mean, it’s last minute, and I understand if you’ve got plans or anything.”

“Shut up, Harry, of course I’ll come. I’ve got a skype call with my own family scheduled at four, but I could come over to help after? Or before and skype them from your place?”

“It’s fine, the food’s already finished actually. I’ve been stress cooking all morning.”

“You’re cute.”

“Pick you up at five? Wear something casual and loose, Gemma started crying the other day because I was wearing skinny jeans and she won’t fit into any of those for months. Her words.”

“Five’s great. See you love.”

“Love ya.”

“I know.”

“Fucker.”

“You love me anyway.”

“Shut up. Say you love me back.”

“You know I do.”

“Louis!”

Louis chuckles. “Of course I love you.”

 

Finding something loose and casual that’s not joggers turns out to be a challenge, but in the end Louis digs up a pair of loose fitting jeans that has no holes at the knees from the back of his closet and combines it with a dark blue button up that Lottie claims makes his eyes stand out. So what if he asked his younger sister for clothing advice?

 

Harry picks him up at quarter to five, when he’s just wrapped up his Skype call with his mum and sisters. A glimpse at the trunk and the back seat of Harry’s car gives him an idea about Harry’s amount of stress due to asking him to meet his family. He raises an eyebrow at Harry but all he gets as reply is an eyeroll and a kiss, signalling him it’s best to shut his mouth about this particular topic. 

The drive is short and fast, there’s hardly any traffic and the incessant rain from the past weeks seems to finally let up, the forecast is even predicting a warm and sunny day for their trip to Alton Towers in the morning. Talking about that seems to relieve Harry’s stress at least a little bit.

“Okay, so Gemma’s the one with the baby, obviously, her boyfriend’s Nick. He’s a bit weird, when you first meet him, but he’s actually just a big computer game loving nerd who loves Gemma to death. My mum’s Anne, she’s divorced my dad when I was eight, and now she’s got a boyfriend since three years but he’s working so he won’t be there. He’s planning to propose soon but mum doesn’t know that yet, so don’t mention it.”

“Harry! Why did you mention it to  _ me _ ?! As if I won’t have enough to think about when I’m not fretting about saying something I shouldn’t tell!” Louis exclaims, gripping the door when Harry swerves to the other lane to avoid a rabbit at the side of the road. “For fuck’s sake!”

“It was a rabbit, Louis, I can’t run over a cute little rabbit!” Harry explains himself, gripping the wheel with two hands when Louis glares at him pointedly.

“Stop stressing, alright, it’ll all be fine if you manage to get us there alive and well, and let’s say our lives come before that of a cute little rabbit, however unfair that may seem,” Louis reasons, and Harry breathes in and out a couple of times to center himself again. It seems to work, the remaining ten minutes of their drive go by without any further incidents, the radio filling the silence with top 40-music.

 

Harry’s family turns out to be exactly the way Louis expected them to be. Gemma looks a bit like a mess, having given birth only days prior but her smile’s genuine and her hug is definitely heartfelt. He debunks her apologies for being tired as she is and wearing stained and rumpled clothes by telling her he’s seen his mum much worse after having any of her babies, and diverts their conversation to Aiden, complimenting her on a job well done. Nick seems a bit stiff, but mostly stressed out by his role as a new dad, and Anne is all smiles and keeping them all together. Louis offers to help her out in the kitchen while Harry is cooing over his newborn nephew, which she accepts gratefully.

 

Harry’s made a ton of food, which had been already glaringly obvious when he’d see the packed car, and there’s probably enough for the rest of the week. Anne decides to put most of it in the freezer though, since she’s going to be here for another week so Gemma and Nick will have some meals left for when they’re on their own again. Louis is left with the finishing touches on their meal for that evening, sprinkling grated cheese on the vegetable gratin when Anne breaks the companionable silence. 

“You and Harry are serious then?” she’s smiling, but her eyes are serious, making it obvious she’s on the lookout for her son.

“Uhm, yeah, yes, we are. We haven’t been together for long, and we’re taking things slowly, I mean, step by step, but we’re both serious about our relationship, yeah.”

“Hmmm,” she hums, opening the small freezer over the fridge to stuff a tupperware container inside. “I’m glad to hear that. Harry deserves something serious.”

“Harry deserves the world,” Louis hears himself saying and he would normally cringe at how sappy it is but he finds that he means it.

“That he does,” Anne smiles. “The divorce was hard on him, he feels like he failed at love and somehow damaged Nathalie.”

“I know, she seems fine, though. She’s such a wonderful little girl, and she seems to understand the dynamics between Niall and Harry better than they themselves understand it.”

Anne grins at him. “She’s absolutely wonderful, indeed. And she bounced back really quickly once she understood what their divorce would mean for her. She deserves to be happy, but she also deserves a dad who’s happy.”

“Has Harry really been unhappy though? He never seemed that way when we first met, but I suppose that’s not something you tell first thing when you’re interning.”

“Not unhappy per se, I think he was managing pretty well on his own, though it was hard at first. He hadn’t really been on his own before, you know. Getting together with Niall in high school, they moved in together as soon as they could. He uhm, got confronted with himself a lot in those first months. I still think it’s a good thing he had Nathalie to look after or his breakdown would’ve been a lot worse,” she muses. “But I don’t think he was particularly happy either. And that’s something that changed over these last couple of months.”

 

Louis wants to reply, but Harry chooses that moment to walk into the kitchen and wrap his arms around Louis from behind. “Are you two gossiping about me already? I should’ve known not to leave you alone, even if it’s the first time you see each other,” he teases, pressing a wet kiss to Louis’ cheek.

“Only telling truths, love,” Anne smiles at him. “I was just saying you seem happier these last few months. Finally makes sense now that I met the reason for that happiness.”

“Mum!” Harry cries out, and when Louis looks back at him, there’s a rosy blush on his cheeks. “Anything I can help with? Gemma’s feeding Aiden so not much to do for me there.”

“No love, just putting these in the freezer and that’s it. Did you guys want something to drink? I haven’t even offered!” Anne gasps, scolding herself for being a bad hostess. “There’s wine, cider, and some beer as well, I think.”

“I’ll have a glass of red, but I’ll get it mum, you go inside and have a seat for a bit. Did you want anything?”

“Red wine sounds lovely, thanks. Could you refill Gemma’s pitcher of water while you’re at it? Nick’ll have coke, I think, the poor boy can’t keep his eyes open without any caffeine,” Anne rattles as she goes inside, taking a dishcloth with her to give the furniture a quick wipe while she’s at it. 

Louis goes to pour three glasses of red wine, putting them on a tray with Nick’s bottle of coke and a bowl of vegetable crisps Harry had roasted himself that morning. Harry quickly pops into the living room for Gemma’s pitcher and nuzzles into Louis’ neck while he waits for him to finish. 

“You okay?” he asks quietly. 

Louis smiles up at him. “Yeah, your family’s lovely. I love how your mum looks out for you.” 

Harry groans. “How bad was it?”

“Not at all, really. We just established that we both care a lot about you, and that you deserve only the very best.”

“Oi, getting big headed now, are we,” Harry teases, ducking out of reach when Louis moves his hand to slap him lightly, leaving them both chuckling.

“I love you,” He mutters as he hip checks Louis, taking two wine glasses off the tray to lessen the weight. 

“Same, babe,” Louis smiles after him, feeling lighter and happier than he has in ages.

 

The rest of the evening is nice and quiet, they’re all just talking a bit, but no one is actually grilling Louis or giving him a hard time as the new boyfriend. Having Aiden there to divert the tension probably helps too. Louis only realises he was staring at the newborn when Gemma asks him if he wants to hold him. They’ve just finished their dinner, Gemma and Nick switching between holding their son and actually eating, and Anne’s in the kitchen to make them all a cup of tea. “If you’re sure you don’t mind?” Louis is taken aback a bit, because he doesn’t think he’d give his new baby to anyone but Ha- his partner in the first weeks.

Harry chuckles. “She wouldn’t offer if she minded, babe.”

“Exactly. Besides, I would love to have my own body just to myself for ten minutes. It’s my daily treat,” Gemma jokes, but he can tell there’s a lot of truth in there.

“In that case, I’d love to,” Louis admits, standing up to take the little boy out of Gemma’s arms, careful not to disrupt his sleep. His arms fly up to his head in his startle reflex, but apart from a bit of smacking, he doesn’t stir. “He’s so light!” Louis whispers, amazed at how perfect he looks, and how he is a completely finished human being even if he’s tiny. That’s something that never gets old, no matter how many babies he’s held.

 

He hardly notices the calculating way Harry looks at him when he sits back down, his attention focused completely on Aiden. Louis ends up holding him until Gemma finishes her tea, Aiden’s waking up and starting to try and eat his fists as a sign he’s hungry and that’s something he really can’t solve. 

They leave shortly after, the dishes in the dishwasher and the new family soon off to bed. Louis’ yawning when they drive towards his house, having agreed to meet Liam and Zayn there in the morning. He assumes Harry’s tired as well, because neither of them talk after establishing that their first family-meeting went well, but it’s not uneasy in any way. 

 

They head upstairs as soon as they’re through the door, leaving shoes and sweaters in the hall, undressing quietly in the dim lighting of the bedside lamps. He’s under the covers, spooning Harry and reaching back to flip the switch so they can go to sleep when Harry clears his throat.

“You want a baby of your own, don’t you?” he asks, his voice rough and a bit hoarse as if he hadn’t spoken for hours.

Louis’ wide awake in a split second, sitting up and blinking against the suddenly harsh seeming light. 

“Uhm,” he manages before Harry sighs and sits up as well.

“I didn’t mean for it to sound like an accusation of sorts. It just… it was pretty obvious from the way you were looking at Aiden,” he clarifies.

“I’ve… yeah, I’ve always wanted kids. I can hardly remember a time when they weren’t in my plans for the future.”

“And Nathalie’s not yours.”

“No, she’s not,” he concedes. “And that doesn’t mean that I would love her any less. It just means that I haven’t known her since she was a tiny baby, and I would love to experience that.” There both quiet for a bit. “Would you uhm, would you want another? Baby, I mean?”

Harry shrugs. “I haven’t given it much thought, to be honest. Never even considered finding a new partner, and the idea that he might want more kids even less.”

“But you’re not against it?”

Harry thinks about that for a bit.

“No, not really, I think. I would hate to take the experience away from you anyway. And I kind of like the idea of you with a baby.”

Louis smiles. “I’m not entirely sure, but I get the feeling that we aren’t very good at taking it slow.”

Harry chuckles. “We’re horrible, aren’t we? Haven’t even had proper sex yet but here we are, meeting each other’s parents and talking about having kids.”

“So uhm, sleep now, talk about kids later?” Louis asks, already sliding back under the duvet.

“Sounds like a terrific plan, mister Tomlinson.” Harry agrees, turning around to curl up in Louis’ arms once more. “Is it bad that I’m more nervous about seeing Zayn and Liam tomorrow than about meeting your family?”

“No, it’s pretty justified,” Louis mutters, earning him a squeal and another accusation of being bad at taking away people’s anxiety. “‘M not at work,” he simply counters and closes his eyes, shuffling closer to Harry. 

  
  
  



	17. Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oiii oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Another update, yay me!
> 
> As you might've noticed, I've added the total number of chapters up there, so that means that after this one, there's only one more and an epilogue to come.
> 
> It's been nearly two years since I've started this, so it was about time it ended, I believe ;) Don't fear though, I've got a couple of things up my sleeve for the future!

“Would a tank be warm enough, you think?” Liam mumbles as he’s standing in front of their shared wardrobe, shifting through his options for the day. Sure, the weather forecast had predicted a warm and sunny day but they are as reliable as any one of his kids in kindie on a bad day. “Zeeeeee,” he whines, “what do you think?” 

“Wear a tank, take a tee. Might get wet anyway in one of the rides, so makes sense.” Zayn absentmindedly replies as he’s scrolling through his phone, still covered up to his waist by their linen sheets .

“Alright. Should I take one for you as well?” Liam asks, pulling out a backpack to gather their stuff in.

“Please and thank you.” Zayn mumbles, smiling slyly at something he scrolls past.

“What are you even doing?” Liam complains. “We’re supposed to pick Louis and Harry up in half an hour and you haven’t even showered  _ or _ done your hair and we should eat breakfast before we leave because it’s a long drive.”

This finally gets Zayn’s attention, he slides out of bed and deposits his phone on his bedside table before walking over to Liam. “I showered last night, after you fucked me so well, remember,” he mutters, nuzzling into his husband’s neck, and Liam can’t believe it still makes him blush, even though they’re married now, for Christ’s sake. Also that’s exactly why Zayn says those things. The arms he wrapped around Liam’s torso disappear again as he walks to their en suite bathroom, taking a good look at himself in the mirror before dipping into the pot of wax. 

“Who’s going to be the bad cop then? We never got around to actually deciding that yesterday,” he asks, running his fingers to his hair to perfect his quiff without making it look greasy. 

“Are you seriously going to do this? We already  _ know _ Harry. We  _ know  _ he’s a good guy and he’s obviously good for Lou.”

“Liam,” Zayn walks out of the en suite, toothbrush in hand. “Of course we’re going to do this. They  _ expect _ us to do this and I wouldn’t want to disappoint. But, I gather I’ll have to be the bad cop then. Which I don’t mind. At all.”

“Zee. At least promise me you’ll be nice to H?”

“He’s hurt Louis before, and I’ll gladly remind you it was us who had to pick up the pieces, Li. He deserves a good walloping.” 

“Zayn, that was weeks ago, and they’ve worked that out themselves. They’re happy now. Shouldn’t we just be happy for them?” Liam asks him, handing him the black tank that he thinks looks ridiculously good on his husband. Zayn rolls his eyes at him, walks back to the sink to spit out his toothpaste and comes back with a scowl on his face.

“Hey!” Liam pulls him in. “I know you’re just looking out for our Lou, alright, you’re not the only one who hated how he was when Stan left. But Harry’s not Stan and he’s been through some rough patch himself. He genuinely cares about Louis.”

“I know.” Zayn mumbles, nuzzling into Liam’s chest, feeling comforted by his presence alone.

Liam grabs his shoulders and holds him at arm’s length, watching him quizzically. “Hold on, is this still about us not interfering when we felt that Stan wasn’t as invested in their relationship as Louis was?”

“No.” Zayn mopes.

Liam quirks an eyebrow, evoking an eyeroll. “Alright, maybe it is. I still feel bad about it, it’s a good thing Louis never told me that idiot’s address or I would’ve gone and killed him.”

“Love, you should honestly let it go. Louis wouldn’t have believed us back then. We had to let him make his own mistakes. And god! I sound like his mum.”

“You’d make a sexy mum,” Zayn smiles teasingly, pressing a chaste peck to the corner of his mouth. “But alright, I get what you mean. I’ll go easy on the walloping.”

Knowing it’s the most he’s going to get out of Zayn right now, he lets it go and instead urges him to hurry up so they can leave. Zayn’s probably right about breakie, chances that Louis and Harry already ate at this hour are rather slim, so they might as well pick something up on the way to Alton Towers.

 

The drive over is uneventful, they stop at a McDonalds drive thru for breakfast at Louis’ request, and Liam manages to whine about how unhealthy it is for only five minutes, effectively shut up by the argument that he really isn’t going to find much healthy food in a theme park either. Both Louis and Harry fall asleep soon after finishing their food, and Zayn’s struggling to stay awake for Liam who’s driving. 

 

As soon as they’ve entered the park, Louis looks for a map, pointing at his favourite rollercoaster and demanding that they go there first. It’s a rather long walk since the ride’s situated at the entirely opposite side of the park, but the sun is out and it’s not too busy yet. Once there, they watch the ride for a couple of minutes, Louis’ grin threatening to split his face, yet Harry looks greener with every second. 

“Come on, lads, let’s go, it’s only a twenty minute wait now!” Louis urges them, only noticing Harry’s hesitance when he’s halfway down the path. “You okay love?” he questions, and his face falls when Harry admits he’s not a big fan of rollercoasters, and this one looks especially frightening.

“I don’t mind waiting though,” he assures his boyfriend. “I know you were looking forward to the thrilling rides and I won’t hold you back. I’ll just sit here and catch some sun. God knows we don’t get too much of it so I’ll take advantage of it today.”

“If you’re sure?” Louis mutters, crowding into Harry’s space to pull him down and press a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Completely, now go!” he laughs, and it’s then that Zayn speaks up.

“You know what, I’ll stay with you. I’ve been on this ride a million and one times since high school so I don’t mind missing out this once.” Louis looks puzzled but shrugs when he pastes on a bright smile, avoiding Liam’s undoubtedly warning or scolding gaze.

 

They look around before deciding to sit down on a couple of artfully sculpted rocks bordering some plants, Harry taking advantage of the lull to rub sunscreen on every exposed part of skin. 

“So uhm, what are your intentions with Louis?” Zayn asks suddenly. 

Harry looks torn between laughing and choking on thin air, and finally raises an eyebrow when he realises Zayn is serious. “You’re seriously asking me that?”

“I am.” Zayn confirms, a bit irritated by Harry’s reply.

“You do realise I’m going to meet his family next week, right? I mean, last time I checked, you weren’t his mum.”

Zayn’s close to seething now, all of a sudden and it takes all of his willpower to leave his hands at his side when he walks up to Harry, having to look up but at least he has the sun in his back. “I might not be his mum, Harry, but I’m still the one who has to pick up the pieces when someone breaks his heart,” he grits out through clenched teeth.

“Wow. Okay. Just, shall we talk like civil people instead of fighting it out?” Harry tries, stepping back a little so Zayn doesn’t have to look up at him anymore.

He deflates, because yeah, maybe he was getting a bit too riled up and of course he didn’t want to fight Harry. He’s his friend as well, after all.

“Look, I know you guys were who Louis went to when we fought a couple of weeks ago. And I know I hadn’t been fair to him. But we solved it, and we’re actually both in this for the long haul, okay? I want to be with Louis, and Louis wants to be with me, and we’re trying to make this work, even if it’s really hard sometimes.”

“Sorry,” Zayn mumbles, and Harry smiles at him in that stupidly kind way of him. “I shouldn’t have had a go at you, it’s just… Louis deserves so much better than what life’s given him so far, you know? Stan was an asshole and both Liam and I knew that but we chose to stay quiet. We chose to believe Louis when he said they were happy together. It felt only right that we were the ones picking up the pieces when Stan left. It might have been different if we had spoken to him beforehand, but we didn’t and he had his heart broken and danced upon.”

“It’s alright. I understand where you’re coming from. And I agree that Louis deserves better. Which is why I will always try to give him everything he deserves and that’s only the very best.” Harry replies solemnly, making Zayn laugh at how stupidly kind he is.

“But you know, do you really think Louis would have listened, had you interfered with Stan?”

“Nah, probably not. Liam said the same this morning. And he also said I should be nice to you because you’re a nice guy and you’re our friend as well.” Zayn replies, shielding his eyes to see where Louis and Liam are in the queue.

“You’ve got a very, very smart husband,” Harry teases, getting a shove from Zayn in reply. 

“Come on, they’re about to get in, we should go and watch how they scream their balls off.”

 

Neither Harry or Zayn mention their talk to their significant others, silently agreeing that it was something between the two of them. And if Liam eyes Zayn suspiciously when he comes out of the ride, and even more when Zayn’s all camaraderie for the rest of their day, Zayn acts like he doesn’t notice. 

 

***

 

“Hmmm, no punch marks,” Louis remarks as he watches Harry undress himself, folding his clothes neatly before crawling under the duvet.

“Punch marks?”

“Yeah, I suppose Zayn was kind of alright, then?”

“You  _ knew _ he was going to have a go at me?” Harry asks incredulously, staring up at Louis where he’s throwing his clothes on the floor before crawling in Harry’s bed as well.

He huffs. “Of course I knew, it was glaringly obvious that that was the reason he stayed behind when we went on Nemesis.”

“I should give you some punch marks! Throwing me at the lions like that!” Harry narrows his eyes as he lightly punches his shoulder.

“It was going to happen anyway, better had it happen sooner than later, right?” Louis reasons, smiling happily. “Besides, you guys seemed alright for the rest of the day, so it can’t have been too bad.”

“I honestly think he  _ was _ going to punch me, but I managed to sit him down and talk instead.”

“See? All is well!”

“Still think it wasn’t nice of me to let him have his way with me,” Harry pouts, snuggling closer to Louis’ chest even if it’s hot and they’re already sweating under the duvet.

“Never said I was nice, love,” Louis winks, pressing a sweet kiss to his pouting lips before closing his eyes and drifting off within a minute.

  
  


He wakes up to the sun peeking through Harry’s fancy curtains, the duvet thrown off and lying in a heap at their feet. He can feel sweat pooling in the dip of his back, but he doesn’t feel like moving, or taking a shower. Harry’s still sniffing adorably like he always does when sleeping, and sue him, but Louis loves the way his morning wood is nestled against his ass. It holds promise for so much more, and even if they are taking it slow, no one can blame him for thinking about doing more than hand- and blowjobs when he was on his own and in need of a wank. He shuffles back a bit, nestling his bum a bit more snuggly into Harry’s pelvis. He’d woken up already half hard, but this isn’t doing much to cool him off. He shuffles around for a bit, feeling Harry’s length harden more with each move he makes, his own hand moving to wrap around his dick without much thought. “Fuck,” he breathes, biting his bottom lip to keep more sounds inside, in order not to wake Harry. The slide is uncomfortably dry without any lube, but he doesn’t want to risk moving so he gathers the precome pooling at his head after licking his palm, using it as make-shift lube that will just have to do. He’s soon properly fucking into his hand, letting out little moans and quiet sighs through his bitten lips and so out of it that he doesn’t even feel it when Harry stirs. He lets out a silent gasp when he realises what was happening in his bed, squeezing his eyes shut to gather himself before speaking up.

“Starting the fun without me?” he croaks, wrapping his arm around Louis’ hip to and putting his hand on top of Louis’. 

Louis’ blush extends all the way to his chest as he freezes, feeling like a 13 year old caught in the act by his mum. 

“Don’t stop love, seems like you were into it,” Harry tells him, replacing Louis’ hand with his own as he rubs up and down his shaft. 

“Unghh, you feel so good, H,” Louis sighs, “want you so bad.”

Harry starts moving his hips in tiny circles against Louis’ ass, pushing Louis forward into his hand. “Like this, yeah?” he breathes, pressing wet kisses to Louis’ neck. 

“Hmmm, yeah,” is all Louis can bring out, eloquent as he gets when being sexually pleasured. 

“What were you thinking about, huh? Before I woke up?” Harry asks, voice still hoarse from sleeping.

“About you, us,” Louis stammers, not sure if he should fuck into Harry’s hand or press back so Harry’s dick slides between his cheeks.

“Yeah? What about us? Did you imagine it was my hand?”

“Was thinking how good it’s going to be when you’re inside of me, love,” Louis manages, surprising himself by his ability to string together so many words into a sentence.

“Fuck,” Harry’s hips stutter, his head catching on Louis’ backside. “It’s all I think about when I wank in the shower, too,” he admits, startled when Louis pushes his hand off and turns around.

His hand reaches up to thumb at Harry’s barely-there stubble, his eyes kind and honest when he speaks up. “Love, I know we said we were going to go slow, and I want you to know that it’s perfectly alright if you say no, but I can’t not ask. I want you inside of me so bad, H, my brain short-circuits when I so much as think about it.”

“Fuck Lou!” Harry groans.

“I mean it though, it’s alright if you want to finish this by hand and mouth.” Louis croaks.

“I want to,” he replies, realising that Louis interprets it wrongly when he puts on a sad smile, nodding as he swallows. “I mean I want to fuck you,” he corrects himself, grinning when Louis’ eyes lock with his, amazement prominent on his face. “I’m just not sure if I still have any condoms around. In fact, I’m pretty sure that if I have any, they’ll be expired.” He bites his lips apologetically, feeling stupid for not thinking and planning ahead while grocery shopping.

“Hold on,” Louis tells him, holding up his finger as he moves out of bed quickly. He retrieves his wallet from his jeans, frantically searching through it before holding up a neon green package. “Got this at some foam party last year. We’ll just have to ignore the color because it’s all I have.”

Harry snorts out a laugh, pulling Louis back into bed with him, the tension effectively dissipated by the ridiculousness of the situation. “We’re going grocery shopping first thing when we make it out of bed,” he promises. “Until then, close your eyes when you look at my dick when I’ve got this abomination on and I’m not inside you.”

“Sounds like a plan. Also, we could make sure you’re inside me ASAP.”

“I like the way you think, Tomlinson,”

There’s not much talking after that, yet a lot of kissing, or at least trying to with the way they’re smiling so widely. A couple of minutes later, the smile is gone and replaced with a hungry expression. Their kiss is deep and at times more a clashing of teeth than anything else, but it’s lovely anyway. Harry moves so he’s on top of Louis, their erections sliding together as he grinds down. Louis lets out a moan, ducks forward to Harry’s collarbones to bite down and leave a purple bruise that he soothes with small licks and little kisses. 

“Hurry up, love, I had foreplay mostly covered anyway,” he mutters, causing Harry to tut at him, but he moves to grab the lube anyway. The bottle opens with a quiet snick that sounds loud in the otherwise mostly silent room, and Louis gulps when he sees how Harry covers three fingers in the clear liquid. “Easy, yeah, it’s been a while?” he says, though it comes out more like a question. 

Harry smiles lovingly and leans down to press another kiss to his lips. “Of course, love, wouldn’t want to hurt you.”

Harry’s first finger is cold at his rim, the lube not entirely warmed up and Louis feels himself tense. He breathes in and out consciously, letting himself be distracted by Harry kissing his neck and chest while he rubs his finger around the ring of muscle. Finally, it seems like second nature to push slightly when he feels Harry increase the pressure and before he realises, his finger is in up to the first knuckle. It’s not like he didn’t finger himself ever, or use one of the sextoys he’d gotten after breaking up with Stan, but having someone else doing it is an entirely different story. Harry’s fingers are lean but long, the tip of his finger brushing his prostate as he slowly moves back and forth.

“Yeah, yeah, ‘nother, c’mon,” Louis whines after a bit, feeling like he could come from one finger if Harry keeps this up. 

Harry adds a second one then, scissoring them in between thrusts. He avoids Louis’ prostate now, instead concentrating on prepping him properly, a third finger added before Louis groans loudly and insists he’s ready.

“Alright love,” Harry smiles, wiping his fingers on the sheets before leaning down to kiss his boy again. It starts sweet enough, just a brush of lips, but then Louis licks at the seam of his lips and he opens up and it all goes down from there. It turns into a dirty, deep thing of tongues sliding together, teeth clashing and hungry moans being exchanged. 

“Hurry up, please?” Louis whines as he pulls back, grinning when Harry tells him to close his eyes, waving the neon package he’s about to open. 

He’s torn between looking and shutting his eyes, because on one side he really  _ really  _ wants to see his boyfriend sheeting himself and lathering his length with lube, but on the other side, the condom is neon green. He opts for closing his eyes in the end, gasping slightly when he feels Harry’s head press against his rim. He readjusts, shuffling his bum around on the mattress and hooks a leg on Harry’s shoulder before opening his eyes, getting a lovely view of Harry’s blown pupils as he pushes inside. 

His mouth falls open, breath stuck in his throat as he tries to relax around Harry. He stays still for a bit after bottoming out, kissing Louis some more to distract him from the stretch, and soon the pain subsides and is replaced with throbbing pleasure. “It’s okay, move, please,” he manages, moaning loudly when Harry pulls out and then thrusts back inside.

“I love how loud you get when you like it,” Harry breathes, supporting his weight on his arms as he keeps thrusting, evoking various expressions of pleasure from Louis, all a little louder than the one before. 

“Unghhhh, yeah, right there!” Louis shouts, pulling Harry closer by moving his leg to his back instead of his shoulder, finding it creates an even better angle. Harry changes tactique then, staying buried to the hilt but moving his hips in tiny circles so his head nudges Louis’ prostate constantly. Judging from Louis’ reaction, it feels good.

“Fuck, Haz, ‘m not gonna last like this,” he breathes, face glistening with sweat in the summer sun that manages to get through the heavy curtains and Harry thinks he never loved him more.

“‘S okay, I’m close as well,” he says. “I love you,” he adds, just for good measure and the smile blooming on Louis’ face is brilliant. 

“Love you too, Harry, so much, so fucking much.” He reaches between them to grab his dick that’s not nearly getting enough friction in between their stomachs, but Harry tuts and slaps his hand away, shifting his weight so he can pull him off himself.

Louis’s seeing stars already, the white hot heat burning in the pit of his stomach as he closes his eyes, the sensations too much to comprehend. 

“I’m- I’m…  _ ooooooooh _ holy fuckkkkkkkkkk,” he almost yells it, ribbons of come shooting up between their sweat-slick bodies. The way he clenches around Harry is nearly enough to send him over the edge as well, but not quite, so he pulls out again, fucking Louis through his climax as he chases his own. He can tell Louis’ on the brink of overstimulation when he reaches around, a dry finger pressing into his rim and the suggestion is enough to make him come. He’s shaking and shuddering through it, collapsing on top of Louis and out of it for what seems like hours but is probably more like a couple of minutes. 

He opens his eyes to Louis pressing kisses all over his face, smiling happily when he sees he’s back with him. “I love you,” he whispers, a wonderful contrast with how loud he was just moments before. 

“Love you too,” he smiles back, kissing his lips before pulling out and getting rid of the atrocious condom, tying it before he throws it in the bin. 

“We should probably shower,” Louis suggests when Harry’s collapsed on the bed again.

“Probably. Not now though. Now I wanna cuddle some more before we eat and go grocery shopping, because I’m gonna want to do this all the time now.”

Louis grins. “Yeah, same. And your reaction to my finger just now was interesting to say the least.”

“Thank god we’ve got four more days all to ourselves to explore our new hobby a bit.” Harry sighs, rolling over and pulling Louis half on top of him.

  
  


***

  
  


The week they get to spend on their own flies by as if it’s mere seconds. They meet up with Liam and Zayn a couple of times, both Harry and Louis making use of every opportunity that presents itself to make fun of Zayn’s protective streak.

They go to bed early on Friday, Niall dropping Nathalie off early on Saturday morning. They’re planning to leave for Doncaster around ten, and they’ve still got to pack.

Niall drops Nathalie off at eight, as expected, and Harry finds himself last minute packing his and Nathalie’s clothes and toiletries while Nathalie asks Louis about his family,  _ again. _

Despite Louis’ attempts at reassuring him, he’s still nervous. It’s not Louis’ mum or stepdad he’s worried about, but he has an entire army of sisters and Harry knows firsthand how evil a sister can get, while he’s only got one. He’s got their names memorised, he thinks, but that’s really all of the preparation he can do, he’s just got to hang in there and hope to be alive at the other end. It’s a bit of a relief that Nathalie’s coming, she’s cute enough to charm all of them so he thinks of her as his secret weapon.

Their bags are all set by the door at quarter to ten, so he counts it a win and follows his daughter and boyfriend to the car to put everything in the trunk. 

They’re going with Louis’ car because he’ll stay a couple of days longer. Harry and Nathalie will come back by train on Tuesday morning since Nathalie was invited to a party of one of her friends in the afternoon, and Louis will be back on Friday, leaving him with a free weekend before he starts working again. 

Luckily for Harry, Nathalie turns out to be enough of a distraction for the drive over. He’d expected her to fall asleep as she usually does, but apparently she’s hyped enough to stay awake and chatter away about her week at Niall’s. 

It’s just past noon when they pull up to a brick house that looks large yet cosy, the windows on the upper floors are open to air out, and as soon as they open their doors, they can hear loud voices come from the backyard.

Harry looks at Louis and smiles at the way a grin appears on his face, obviously happy to be home. They unbuckle Nathalie from her carseat and grab their stuff from the trunk before bypassing the house to open the iron gate leading into the garden. 

“Oi oiiiii,” Louis shouts, effectively drawing everyone’s attention to him. “Are you still gonna say hello or what?”

There’s a flurry of long hair, colourful shirts and abandoned toys and in less than thirty seconds, Louis’ enveloped in a group hug consisting of his brother and younger sisters. Louis grins at them, ruffling their hair and hugging them all separately before he moves to the porch, rolling his eyes at his other siblings. “You lot too cool to come and hug me, huh?” he sneers, but he tugs them close anyway. “I’m surprised I even still know what you look like, Fizz, you’ve proper ignored me these last couple of months. You’re the worst Skyper ever known to mankind!” Harry can easily tell that her blasé response is all for show, as she’s obviously happy to see her older brother again. Lottie’s hello is shorter, with them seeing each other more regularly, and the clap to her boyfriend’s shoulder suggests they’ve also met a couple of times before. 

“Where’s mum?” he asks the youngest girl, Doris aka Dottie, Harry remembers. 

“In the kitchen, she’s making pasta carbonara because you like it,” she replies, already scurrying off behind her twin brother before her sentence is properly finished. 

Harry feels Nathalie grip his hand a little tighter and is reminded that he’s not the only one who’s a bit overwhelmed by the Tomlinson clan. He moves forward a bit, dropping their bags in front of the steps to the porch, the noise reminding Louis he’s not alone.

“Oh, yes, right! Everyone, this is Nathalie, the most wonderful young girl I’ve ever met since Dottie was born, and her dad’s Harry, he’s kind of alright too,” he winks. “The ones running around are Ernie and Dottie, the slightly larger ones are Phoebe and Daisy, don’t try to keep them apart for now, it’s near impossible when you first meet them, the annoying one over here’s Fizzy and the blindingly blond one is Lottie, boyfriend Mike’s next to her.”

Nathalie giggles at his introduction, and soon every single one of Louis’ sisters is doting over her. Looks like Harry was absolutely right considering her his secret weapon.

“Are you alright staying here with this lot for a little bit, Nathalie? I’m gonna tell my mum hi and let her meet your daddy, if that’s okay?” Nathalie nods, and after double checking, Harry grabs the hand Louis is offering, intertwining their fingers as they venture inside.

The house is dark and cool in comparison to the brightness and warmth of outside, but the kitchen is filled with steam, a woman who he supposes is Louis’ mum stirring a large pot.

She looks up as soon as they enter, her bright smile reminding him of Louis’ as she greets them. “Thought I heard you yelling obnoxiously, love,” she playfully scolds her son. “I’m glad you’re home,” she gives him a one armed hug, the other still holding the spoon she was using. “And you must be Harry. ‘S nice to see you in the flesh, after hearing Louis gushing about you for months,” she sends him a wink and denies the hand he’s stuck out to go for a hug instead. “I’m Jay, and I’m sure you’ve met the lot outside.”

“I have, yeah, Nathalie’s still with them, but I can bring her in if you want,” Harry tells her, only to be quickly shut down by her.

“No, no, let her have fun, I’ll meet her when lunch is ready. Which is in about five minutes. Lou, would you mind setting the table? I was thinking we could eat outside. Wipe down the table and chairs though, I don’t think Ernie took his job of cleaning them very seriously last night.”

“On it!” Louis cheers as he presses a kiss to her cheek, finding a cloth and wetting it under the tap. 

 

Harry sits next to Louis and Nathalie for lunch, still feeling a bit overwhelmed by the liveliness of a large household. Mike shoots him sympathetic glances every now and then, having already told that he’s been in the family for less than a year himself. Everyone’s really nice though, and it’s lovely to see Louis in his element with his family, it’s clear that he misses them when he’s not around. 

That afternoon, Nathalie finds her place between his siblings easily, playing along with Doris and Ernest or letting Phoebe and Daisy do her hair and make-up and it’s nice to see her interacting with other kids. Maybe it _would_ be nice for her to have some siblings of her own. He makes a mental note to talk to Niall about it before going inside to get some more water. 

“Hi!” he greets Fizzy when he hears her behind him. She smiles and follows him into the kitchen, leaning against the counter as he fills the pitcher.

“Look, ‘m not one to beat around the bush, so I’m just gonna say it as it is,” she starts. “I can tell Louis loves you, and your little girl as well.”

“Uhm, okay, thanks?” Harry replies, keeping one eye on the pitcher in his hand. 

“I just want to warn you, alright? Louis’ my big brother, and he might think that I hardly talked to him last year because I was too busy to Skype my family, but truth is that I was sick of seeing him sad. When Stan left him, he turned into a shadow of the guy I know as Louis. If you leave him, he’s not only losing you, but your daughter as well, and that just isn’t on. I understand that sometimes relationships don’t work out, okay, I’m not daft. But if you hurt him, I want you to know that I’ll hunt you down and make sure you’re hurting twice as much.”

Harry is staring at her, hardly noticing that the pitcher is filled to the brim and water is streaming over the sides. She looks strangely threatening for a girl with her looks, but he doesn’t doubt for a second that she’ll follow through on her threats. 

“I’d close the tap if I were you,” she remarks offhandedly. 

“Huh? Oh! Yeah.” He moves to do so, buying some time to think about what to say to her. “I- I’m not sure what to tell you, to be honest. I know he’s been hurt before, and I’m not planning to hurt him again. I love him just as much as he loves me, and I’ll do everything within my power to make things work out between us. I can see you care about him though, and I appreciate that very much. It’s nice to know that someone has Lou’s back. Well, a lot of people have it, judging from the threats I’ve received since we started dating,” he jokes.

Fizzy smiles at him, genuine and kind. “Alright, welcome to the family then, Harry.” She presses a kiss to his cheek and darts out of the kitchen as if nothing happened.

Dan, Louis’ stepdad, comes home a little later and meeting him is easy, he’s a kind guy who works hard to provide for his family and Harry can definitely appreciate that. He actually feels a bit like he's part of the family already, and while it is busy and noisy, it's also really nice.   


 

The three of them sleep together in Louis’ old room, and it’s nice to see a glimpse of teenage Louis, the room obviously not having changed since Louis left for university. The bed is a bit on the small side, and the airbed Nathalie’s on squeaks every time she moves, but it’s alright. 

 

Harry genuinely enjoys their stay, and he’s a bit sad that him and Nathalie have to leave already when Tuesday comes along. Louis takes them to the train station, and their goodbyes are soppy as can be with a four year old pulling his leg. 

“We really gotta go now,” Harry tells him, kissing him once more.

“I know. ‘M gonna miss you, though.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, kind of got used to spending every day with you.”

“Hmm, same. Will see you when you get back, though, right?”

“Sure. First thing after I’ve put a load of laundry on,” Louis promises, pressing another kiss to his lips before crouching down to hug Nathalie.

“Be good for your dad, alright Nat?” he asks her, kissing her cheek as she nods.

They find their seats and wave at Louis’ until he’s too small to make out in the station, Harry already feeling a bit lost without him. 


	18. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last real chapter... after this, it's only the epilogue!
> 
> It's a stormy one though, so hold on tight!

Louis wakes up to bright sunlight shining directly into his eyes, a throbbing headache and the magnificent smile of his boyfriend.

“Wakey wakey, sunshine!” Harry coos, making up for his inappropriate happiness at this ungodly hour by offering two paracetamols and a glass of water. “Having a party at your house to celebrate the last night there might not have been such a good idea, huh?” he teases, grabbing the duvet before Louis has even moved to sit up and drink his water and cramming it into a box that’s not yet sealed. 

His entire bedroom is filled with boxes, as is the rest of the house. He’ll miss it, he always loved his house, but then again, he’s starting to love Harry’s house as well, and the people who’ll live there with him even more.

 

Everything had gone ridiculously fast, if he looks back on it. Even if they agreed on taking it slow, they still managed to move in together within 8 months. 

 

_ A month before _

 

Putting on the first load, he forces himself to sort the rest of the laundry into neat piles (white goes with white, red goes with red, and the rest goes onto one giant heap) before abandoning his house and driving over to Harry’s. The weather is great, and on any other day the environmentalist in him would’ve won and forced him to walk, but now he wants to be there as soon as possible. And the only way to establish that, even despite Friday afternoon traffic, is driving.

He parallel parks haphazardly, turning the mirror inwards to avoid it being smashed by passing cars and tries to calm his nerves before getting out of the car and letting himself into Harry’s house. It’s quiet inside, and for a long minute, he fears that they’ve gone out and Harry failed to let him know, but then he hears their laughter in the backyard. 

Nathalie is the first to notice his arrival, and abandons the football she’s kicking around to run over and hug his legs. “Hello Lou-lou!” she smiles up at him, having picked up that terribly annoying nickname Phoebe and Daisy love to call him. He doesn’t mind though, not really, just ruffles her hair and crouches down to kiss her on the head. “Will you play with us? Please? You’re way better at football than dad is, maybe he can be our goalie!” Her eyes are large and sparkly, and he wonders how anyone is ever capable of denying her anything. So naturally, he agrees and starts taking off the thin jumper he pulled on this morning.

When his head pops back up, his hair's a mess and Harry’s right there, crowded into his space in the nicest way possible.

“Hi,” he breathes, smiling softly before brushing their lips together. 

“Hello there,” Louis smiles back. “I missed you.”

“Yeah?”

“Hmm hmm.”

“Missed you too, ‘m glad you’re back.”

Louis grins, throws his jumper to the side and pushes Harry in the direction of the makeshift goal him and Nathalie created with two garden chairs. “Go on then, goalie, try to catch the ball,” he winks, but before he’s out of reach, Harry grabs his arm, pulls him closer and whispers in his ear.

“Move in with us?” He’s gone as quickly as the words were out, but Louis is dumbfounded, feet rooted to the ground and he can’t seem to get his jaw back up. 

Nathalie manages to pull him out of his stupor, talking about Harry’s question postponed until they’ve got time and space to themselves later that night.

 

They do talk, on Friday night, and some more on Saturday after dropping Nathalie off at Niall’s on their way for a long walk through the city. And in the end, it makes perfect sense. They hardly ever spend a night apart by now, they miss each other when for some reason they can’t be together, and moving back and forth between their houses is getting tiresome. Harry has two empty bedrooms and an attic in his house, so there is plenty of space, and most importantly, they want to live together. 

 

So that's why they spend most of their free time over the next couple of weeks thinking about decoration for the attic, where they’d decided to make their joint office so they’d have a spot to be alone if wanted, and do some work if necessary. Furniture shops are visited and paint colours sought out, and that leaves them on a Saturday in late October between stacks of boxes and wrapped up furniture, ready to move Louis into Harry’s house. 

 

***

 

Louis is fresh out of the shower when Liam and Zayn show up, joined a couple of minutes later by Niall and Nick, Gemma’s boyfriend who claims to be happy with an excuse to leave the house since Aiden is being fussy. Niall brought the moving van, so from then on it’s moving boxes and pieces of furniture out of the house and into the van, and the other way around at Harry’s place. They’ve made a list of where everything needs to go, and already got rid of Harry’s furniture they agreed to replace with Louis’. Most of Harry’s furniture was quite alright, but Louis had bought a lot of things after Stan left, wanting to get rid of all the memories the old furniture held, so his was more recent and sometimes more decent. so it was an easy decision to go with his table and chairs, while Harry’s couch fit better into his living room, so Louis left his black leather sofa in his house, the ultimate destination still undecided.

 

Louis’ house is on the market for two weeks now, and there’ve been already some interested buyers, but nothing solid has come out of it yet. He’s planning to offer to take the furniture together with the house, and if the future owners don’t want it, he’ll sell it. 

 

It takes about three hours before everything’s moved into Harry’s house, or well, their house now, Louis thinks, and the coffee and sandwiches Babs and Nathalie made are gladly welcomed before they start to unpack and put furniture together. 

Liam and Zayn offer to tackle the attic, where there’s bookcases and desks that need to be put together before the boxes containing stuff that goes in there can be unpacked, but Louis decides he doesn’t trust them to not just have sex up there so he switches with Zayn. That leaves Zayn and Harry on the second floor, putting away clothes and toiletries while Niall, Babs and Nathalie take it upon themselves to rearrange the ground floor around all of the new stuff. Nick’s been summoned home by a desperate Gemma, Aiden heard crying through the phone.

 

Both Liam and Louis are carrying boxes up the rickety stairs leading to the attic, Zayn and Harry walking around where they pick the boxes up, when and offhanded remark from Liam makes Louis freeze. 

“Hey Lou, when are you proposing then, huh? You’ve moved in this soon, figure we’ll be at your wedding this time next year!”

It’s innocent, and teasing, but it hits close to home. Because  _ yes, god yes,  _ Louis wants to marry, he want to marry Harry, more than anything, but he’s not sure Harry wants another marriage. He knows how hard it’s been for Harry to admit his first marriage has failed, and he doesn’t want to force him into a second one if he’s not 100% sure that he want it. He stops dead in his tracks, considers himself lucky that he hasn’t picked up that heavy box with his books from uni yet because he definitely would’ve dropped it and looks around to locate Harry. He’s currently walking into the bathroom, humming a song Louis vaguely recognises under his breath as he carries a small box filled with toiletries. He doesn’t seem to have heard it though, so Louis forces a smile onto his face and a chuckle off his lips.

“Yeah, well, who knows, huh?”

The horror story is completed by Zayn, who throws in that “Who knows, Li, maybe they’ll have a kid by Christmas, they’re gonna outrun us if we don’t speed up a bit!”

He’s glad that at least Liam and Zayn are genuinely amused by their own humour, because he feels like his cheeks will cramp up with the way he forces himself to smile. What a nightmare!

 

If anyone notices he’s unusually quiet for the rest of the day, they don’t say so, and if they would, he’d blame it on the raucous party of the day before, hangover and tiredness and such. Maybe Harry kisses him extra sweet before they collapse on the couch together, but he can’t be completely certain. It’s late when Zayn and Liam leave, being the last to do so, and since Nathalie will be back to stay for the week in the morning, they head up to bed without much more than a good night kiss before cuddling up together. 

  
  


***

 

It has been eating away at Harry for almost two weeks, when he finally sees the chance to pop over to Niall’s on Tuesday night. Nathalie’s with Niall, probably about to go to bed, and Louis has a late night at work so there’s nothing stopping him.

“Harry? Hi! Did Niall forget something? Because he didn’t mention you were coming by?” Babs greets him with a kiss to the cheek when she opens the door to him.

“No, no, he didn’t forget anything, it’s kind of a surprise visit?” it comes out more like a question than a statement and he hurries to add that he’ll leave if they had other plans for the evening.

“Don’t be silly, it’s fine,” Babs assures them. “Niall’s in the upstairs bathroom with Nathalie, she’s about to head off to bed but you might be able to catch her if you want.”

“Yeah, think I’ll head up to say good night, thanks,” he smiles.

He gives his daughter a kiss and a hug, leaving the actual putting to bed to Niall while he trudges back downstairs where he finds a glass of red waiting for him. Babs looks a bit sheepish, her bass guitar packed in its case leaning against the wall. “I’m sorry Haz, I was actually about to head out for practice, so unless you need me for something, I’m afraid I’ll have to leave.”

“That’s fine, Babs, I don’t expect you to change your plans because I suddenly appear on your doorstep. Just wanted to speak to Niall about something.”

“Okay, I figured that’s why you were here. Might catch you when I get back, if not, say hi to Louis from me,” she kisses his cheek lightly before throwing her guitar case on her back and heading out to where they keep their bikes. 

 

“Okay, what’s on your mind, Styles,” Niall greets him when he gets downstairs, grabbing the beer Babs had put out for him and taking a swig after lifting it in cheers. 

“Uhm,” Harry starts, but Niall rolls his eyes.

“Come on, I know there’s something, or you wouldn’t have appeared here on a normal Tuesday. That’s weird, even for you.”

Harry sighs and rubs his hand across his face, taking a sip from his wine to provide him with some courage before he starts. He’d prepared an entire backstory, explaining how he saw Louis freeze when Liam and Zayn brought up marriage and children, but in the end he just blurts out: “How do you feel about Nathalie getting more siblings?” and ends up having to apologise when Niall nearly spits out his mouthful of beer.

His ex-husband looks a bit like a deer caught in the headlights when he asks why he’s asking, but Harry pays it no mind.

“It’s just… Louis wants kids,” he sighs, “I know he loves Nathalie and he tells me at least once a week how much and that he loves her more every time they see each other, but I also know he wants a kid, or multiple, of his own. Of us. But it’s a big step, so I don’t want to discuss it any further with Lou before I know how you feel about it.”

Niall makes up for the mouthful he lost by taking a large swig from his bottle. “Fuck, Haz, I thought you somehow  _ knew. _ ”

“No, I don’t know. Wait, should I know something?” Harry replies, feeling unreasonably confused by the conversation this is turning into.

“No, no, you shouldn’t, or well, I’ll tell you anyway. We uhm, Babs and I, we had a bit of a pregnancy scare two weeks ago, right when Louis moved in with you. Only got the confirmation that there wasn’t as much of a pregnancy as there was a scare the day before the move. It wasn’t even something we had considered before, you know, but then suddenly, for a little less than a week, we thought that we might get to have a baby together, and we started thinking about it? And then when it turned out to be a false alarm, we were both kind of disappointed. So now we’re considering actually  _ trying _ . I mean, we weren’t going to before I talked it through with you, obviously, if we weren’t going to move in together without your consent, we’re most definitely not going to have a baby without it.”

Harry chuckles, suddenly realising the humour of the entire situation. “So you were stressing out because you thought I was mad about you two wanting a kid?”

“Maybe?” Niall squeaks, making them both laugh at the absurdity of it all. 

 

They talk about logistics for another while, Harry verifying that he still has the right phone number and email for the surrogate who helped with Nathalie, until Louis calls him, asking where he is and when he’ll be home. He says goodbye then, wishes Niall good luck with it and to pass it on to Babs, and is on his way down the street within minutes. 

 

He possibly could’ve prepared everything a bit more, could’ve chosen better timing with less of a choking hazard, but he can’t keep it inside. Louis is brushing his teeth, Harry putting on face cleanser when he breaks the news.

“Niall and Babs want a baby.” For a second, he’s genuinely concerned that Louis put his toothbrush down his throat and he’ll have to resuscitate him, but then, Louis pulls the blue plastic out of his mouth and spits out his toothpaste into the sink. 

“Sorry, what?”

“Niall and Babs want to have a baby. They had a pregnancy scare and that had them thinking and now they want to try. So if you still want to, we can start looking into our options as well,” he rambles, only remembering at the end of his talk to take a breath.

“Harry Styles, are you seriously asking me if I want to have a baby with you while I’m brushing my teeth before heading to bed?”

Harry smiles sheepishly, wants to explain that Niall’s consent really had been the only thing keeping him back before saying yes, but he has no chance. Louis grabs the container he’s holding, puts the lid back on with short, measured movements and puts it back on the shelf before he all but attacks Harry. “Fucking hell, that’s so hot, let’s try and make a baby right now,” he growls, rolling his eyes at Harry’s protests that that isn’t exactly a real possibility here.

  
  


In the following weeks, there’s a lot of cursing that it isn’t as easy as go to bed and have sex to make a baby. Harry called the surrogate they had with Nathalie first thing in the morning, but while she says she’s really, really sorry, she declines, having to put her family first now and a surrogate pregnancy doesn’t fit in. He understands, of course he does, but it still stings and he’s trying to hold back tears when he hangs up. Louis notices of course, and just holds him, not bothering that he’s late for work. He rubs his back and listens to his nonsensical hiccups that this was their only chance of having a biological half-sibling for Nathalie, since Niall is her biological dad.

“Hey,” Louis asks him, pulling his chin up so he has no choice but looking into Louis’ eyes, “just for the record, exactly how many fucks do you give about Nathalie not being biologically yours?”

He knows it’s ridiculous, because it never mattered, and he knows it won’t matter to Nathalie, but he still has to cry it out for a bit longer before he can properly let it go. 

 

They look into finding another surrogate for a bit longer, but it seems to be hard and incredibly expensive, so in the end they have to let go of that idea. Harry never realised exactly how lucky they were that a friend of theirs from high school was prepared to be their surrogate when they had Nathalie, but he decides it’s never too late to send her another thank you note with a large box of chocolates. 

Adoption agencies are next and they find themselves confronted with ridiculous amounts of paperwork, as well as insanely long waiting lists for newborns, but that’s what they both really long for, a newborn baby for them to hold and care for and raise, so they do what needs to be done. It costs them approximately three ballpoint pens and every free night of the next two weeks, but finally they are on every waiting list of every adoption agency in Manchester and environment. So from then off, waiting is all that’s left to do. Well, waiting, and saving up, since adoption isn’t exactly a cheap option either. 

 

The entire process takes so much of his time that Louis nearly forgets to tell Liam and Zayn about it. It’s only when he brings up an appointment for an interview with one of the adoption agencies they’re enlisted at, that he realises they don’t know yet.

Liam is dumbfounded, but still happy when he explains how fast it all went all of a sudden, but Zayn, Zayn looks kind of hurt, if he’s honest. And he hates that he can’t even do much about it since they’re in a noisy pub. So he does the next best thing and changes the subject, asking Liam to stop by since Harry has a lot going on with his new children’s psychology course and he’s mentioned that he’d like Liam’s opinion about some things. 

 

He doesn’t even notice the way Zayn’s shoulders go tighter with every word he speak, or how red his face gets. It’s only when he slams down his pint, beer sloshing over the side, and worms his way out of their boot to storm outside that he realises that changing the subject maybe wasn’t the best idea.

Liam looks baffled too, and starts gathering both of their things to run after his husband but Louis shakes his head. “Think I’m the one that needs to solve this, Li, I’ll go.”

He drains his beer, feeling like he’ll need the liquid courage and grabs his vest from the back of his chair, shouldering his way through the throng of people until he reaches the front door.

“Zayn! Wait!” he yells, spotting him almost at the end of the street, walking fast with his hands in his pockets, head held low against the drizzling rain. He curses under his breath when Zayn doesn’t even as much as slow down and starts jogging after him. “Zayn! Come on, wait for a bit!” and then again when he’s nearly caught up. “Z! Can’t we just talk about this?”

It’s what causes Zayn to finally turn around and the sight has Louis cowing down, he looks absolutely livid. “Talk about it? Because you’re so good at that, aren’t you, Louis?” he spits and never before has Louis heard so much venom in his voice. Not when he’s talking to  _ him. _

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t mention it, it just… It slipped my mind? Like I said, it all went really fast and we had so many things to arrange and paperwork to file and…”

“I understand, Louis, you couldn’t spare the time to call your fucking  _ best friends _ and let them know that you and your boyfriend are trying to have a kid. Of course you couldn’t, you were too busy playing house with said boyfriend.”

And that’s- that’s just low. “Fuck you Zayn!” he yells. “I’m not  _ playing house  _ with Harry, we  _ are _ a family now and it takes time to get used to it, so get the fuck over your petty jealousy and try to be happy for me, alright? I’m finally happy again and silly me, I actually expected you, my so called best friend to be happy  _ for  _ me!” 

 

They’re attracting disapproving looks from people passing them by on the street, but he couldn’t care less. He’s crowded into Zayn’s space and he can actually see how icy his eyes are, his nostrils flaring and his heart beating erratically at his pulse point.

 

“Oh, that’s rich, Tomlinson, that’s really rich. So now I’m jealous of Harry, because I’m angry that you failed to mention that you guys are getting kids soon? You know what? When I heard that you and Harry grew some balls and decided to actually have a mature relationship, I was ecstatic. I couldn’t have been happier, and do you know why?” Zayn’s voice has gone down and he’s not yelling anymore, but the calm, icy way he’s speaking isn’t exactly less scary. “Because I was there when Stan left, I was there to pick up the pieces of what was left of you.” He’s stabbing Louis’ chest with one finger and it takes everything Louis has to remain still, eyes trained on Zayn’s. “I took  _ care _ of you when you were broken, when you would let no one else in. I saw you at your worst, and don’t go and turn this around because I love you and I wouldn’t have left even if you asked, but somehow, I expected that that, together with the fact that we’ve been best friends for ages, would have earned me the right to know what’s going on in your life. Apparently, I was wrong, so for that,  _ fuck you  _ Louis.”

Louis deflates at that, because he knows Zayn’s right. “Shit, you’re right, I’m sorry Z,” he starts, reaching out to pull Zayn in, but before he even realises what’s going on, Zayn’s hands are on his sternum, pushing him back. 

“Don’t you dare touch me,” he grits out, and Louis can tell there’s more to come, but before Zayn gets the chance to even breathe, Liam’s there, pulling them apart, one on each side of him. 

“For fuck’s sake, would you grow up and talk things through instead of going at it like schoolboys?” he asks them sternly. “Come on, in the car, both of you. I’m driving us home and neither of you leaves the flat before you made up.”

 

He feels like an actual schoolboy that’s been chastised when he sits in the backseat of Liam’s car, being driven back to the flat that has become a second home to him a long time ago. He sneaks a glance at Zayn, who doesn’t look much better with the way he’s stubbornly looking out the window, refusing to acknowledge either Louis or Liam. Liam looks worse for wear, his hair a mess from running his hands through it every five seconds, knuckles white with how hard he’s gripping the wheel. He pulls into their parking spot and gets out of the car, waits for the others to get out before he locks it and lets them into the building without another word. 

Zayn sits down on the couch as soon as he’s inside of the flat, looking everywhere but at Louis who’s still standing in the doorway to the entrance hall. Liam’s disappeared and the silence is deafening. It’s not five minutes later when Liam reappears, having changed into his running gear and apparently ready to go out. 

“I’m going for a run. Need to let off some steam before I hurt someone,” he grits out, and honestly, it’s laughable because Liam would rather jump off a cliff than actually hurt someone, but there’s absolutely no humour in his statement now. “You two better have talked it out when I’m back. Won’t be longer than 20 minutes.” He slams the door shut behind him, and it’s probably just Louis’ imagination but it seems like the sound echoes in the flat for at least half a minute. 

 

After what feels like an hour of awkwardness, he walks further into the room, takes a pillow from the stash in the corner and sits down on the floor. “Look, Zayn, for what it’s worth, I really  _ am _ sorry.” Zayn still doesn’t acknowledge him, but from the way his shoulders tense, Louis knows he’s listening. “It’s true that you and Liam have always been there for me, I know that, and I’ll be forever grateful for the way you picked me up after Stan.”

Zayn looks up at that, makes eye contact for a second before his gaze falls back to the floor. “I just- I want you to know that I didn’t keep you out of the loop on purpose. I mean. I always wanted kids, you know that, I just kind of buried that because there’s Nathalie and I knew Harry wasn’t 100% sure he wanted more kids after the divorce. And then suddenly, one night, Harry tells me we can start looking into the options, and I just… I didn’t know what to do first. There were so many things to explore and find out and then when we finally decided that surrogacy was too expensive there were tons of paperwork to enlist with adoption agencies, and it just… it never came to mind that you guys didn’t know yet. I just, honest to god, forgot to tell you. And I’m sorry, alright?”

 

It’s been silent for a long time when Zayn finally speaks, his voice shot with unshed tears and frustration. “I guess I’ll just be grateful that you told us before the kid’s actually living with you.” 

Louis offers a tentative smile at that and Zayn just rolls his eyes. “Come on, I need a smoke.”

 

And that’s that. They smoke together on the balcony behind the bedroom, close together to find shelter from the cold, and Louis’s glad that they’re good again. Even if smoking means he’ll get a scolding from Harry when he reeks of Zayn’s cigarettes, stinking up the sheets. 

“You want a lift?” Liam asks him as he comes back from his run, cheeks flushed and hair wet with a mixture of sweat and rain.

“Nah, ‘s fine. I’ll walk home, ‘s not that far,” he tells them, even if it’s half an hour if he’s lucky and he’ll probably take a cab instead. He just knows Zayn needs his Liam right now, so he won’t take that away from him. “See you next week? Maybe come round for dinner, alright? We’ll call.” He quickly kisses both their cheeks and hurries home, longing for a warm bed and an even warmer embrace. 

  
  


***

 

“What’s on your mind?” Liam asks, putting his book away and focussing his attention on Zayn who’s putting their laundry in the wardrobe. It’s something he usually hates and leaves to Liam whenever he can, so the fact that he’s been at it for half an hour now is a dead giveaway that something is bothering him. Not that Liam needed more clues after three days of pouting and exaggerated sighing. At first he thought it was still about Louis, but they cuddled that out after Louis left on Wednesday, so by Friday night he was pretty sure it was something else. 

“Nothing,” Zayn tried, but a stern “Zayn.” from Liam had him spilling the beans. “I want a baby?” It came out more like a question, but Liam knew better than to speak up right now. “Like, I know we’re always joking around about it, and it always came last in our long term plan, after a long trip to Australia and having adventurous holidays, but… I just realised, with Harry and Louis going for another baby even if they haven’t been together for a year, I want that too.”

“Then let’s do it.” It’s simple as that, and really, Zayn should’ve known, because with Liam, it’s always simple. He hardly ever complicates things, and they’re so in tune with each other that it just as well could’ve been Liam who mentioned it first. 

The plan isn’t even up for discussion anymore, because they’ve talked that through a million times already, so all that’s left to do in the morning is call the bank to check if the money they’ve put aside for this is available in a couple of months, and contact the surrogacy agency they’ve contacted a couple of years before for a new appointment.

 

***

 

“What are your thoughts on getting married?” Harry asks, causing Louis to almost drop the pot he’s currently drying. Zayn and Liam have gone home just over half an hour ago, and they’re doing the dishes that they weren’t able to fit into the dishwasher together. 

“What? First of all, you really have to work on your timing, Harry, you can’t keep springing subjects like this on me out of nowhere while we’re doing chores or when I’m brushing my teeth.”

“It’s not like there are many subjects left after this one,” Harry reasons, shrugging but leaning in to gratify his boyfriend. “But really, what are your thoughts on it?”

Louis hesitates, trying to find the right wording that won’t offend or hurt Harry but still convey how he feels. “It’s always been in my visions for the future,” he carefully says. “But it’s not like it’s set in stone. The man at my side was always more important than a paper from city hall.” He pulls the drawer open and rearranges the pots inside to fit the one he’s dried inside with them. Harry hums, wiping the counter to remove water drops and remaining stains from cooking. 

“So you wouldn’t say no if I asked you?”

“No, of course not. But I swear to god if this is your idea of a proposal I’m going to kill you before you even get the chance to put a ring on my finger,” Louis squints, swinging his towel around so it rolls up into a whip, slapping it at Harry teasingly.

Harry chuckles. “I’m not proposing. It’s just… an idea. I mean, Niall and I, that went horribly wrong, but it’s not like it wouldn’t have gone wrong if we hadn’t been married. And I think that you buying part of our house and us adopting children together is a much bigger commitment than signing a paper from city hall.”

“True.” Louis replies, folding his towel neatly and hanging it over the oven handle.

“Just, maybe when the kids are older? So they can all participate in the ceremony?” He rinses and wrings out his cloth and throws it in the hamper behind the door. 

Louis smiles softly at the idea, imagining him and Harry in a suit, Nathalie and their other, nameless and faceless kids smiling around them as they celebrate their marriage. “Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

  
  



	19. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it...  
> Thank you all so much for your kind words, kudos, comments, reblogs on Tumblr, it means the world!

The long awaited phone call arrives approximately four years earlier than expected. Every adoption agency where they’d put themselves on the waiting list warned them for a wait of four to five years for a newborn, unless they agreed to a special needs baby, but they didn’t want to put Nathalie through that. 

So it’s unexpected to say the least when Louis gets an incoming call on his cell phone while he’s waiting for Harry to emerge from the shower. His house has just been sold and they decided to take a week off to go on holiday. Anne had told them that Madeira was beautiful in May, and it turns out she was right.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Louis Tomlinson?”

“Yes, yes, that would be me.”

“Oh, hi mister Tomlinson, it’s Aisha from Rainbow Adoption Services.”

Louis scrambles up from his lounging position on the bed, walking towards the bathroom to tell Harry that he needs to get out of the shower for this.

“Uhm, yes, hello.”

“I’m sorry to disturb you this early in the day, but I have a bit of a difficult situation in one of the cases I’m currently handling, and I wanted to contact you about it,” she states, hardly waiting for his confirmation that he’s listening before she prattles on. “Unfortunately, one of the cases our sister organisation has been following in foster care, has evolved into an adoption case. The biological mother has given birth to a girl two weeks ago, and upon learning the baby was being taken into foster care like her two year old son had been after birth, she decided to sign away her rights to both of the children.”

By now, Louis isn’t sure he’s still breathing. Harry has joined him, still wet from his shower, towel around his waist and hair dripping on the carpet of their hotel room.

Louis motions that he’ll explain later but quickly presses the speaker button on his phone before telling Aisha he’s still listening.

“Unfortunately, the foster family the little boy was in, can’t take in another child, and they’re not up for adoption either. So now we’re looking for a family that is willing to take in the two of them for adoption, since it is the mother’s explicit wish that the siblings stay together.”

“Am I getting it right that you are asking me if we would want to be that family?” Louis asks tentatively. 

“That’s indeed what I’m asking. Since you and mister Styles told us that you wanted multiple kids, you’re one of the couples on our list.”

“Oh.”

“Now, I don’t need an answer right away, I know I’m springing this on you out of nowhere, but I would appreciate it if you would think about it and let me know as soon as you’ve decided on it.”

“Okay, uhm, is there a deadline for our decision?” Louis asks, trying to avoid Harry’s gaze because he’s sure he’ll lose his ability to speak when he looks him in the eyes.

“Well, considering the current situation, we’d like to know as soon as possible, so we can either continue our search for a family or get the kids to live with you, but by the end of next week at the latest.”

“Alright,” Louis gathers his thoughts that are already running wild with little children moving into their house. “We - we’ll talk about it and let you know as soon as we’ve decided on it.”

“Thank you, mister Tomlinson, and sorry for the way this is going now, it’s a bit of an emergency situation.”

“Of course, of course, I understand.”

He hangs up a bit later, pocketing his phone before he looks at Harry.

 

“That was the adoption agency.”

“Yeah, I gathered that much.” Harry croaks, blinking away what looks suspiciously like tears.

“They uhm, they’ve got two siblings they’re looking to place in a family, a two year old boy and a newborn girl. Mother signed away her rights when she learned the girl would be placed in foster care as well, but wants the children to stay together.” Louis updates him about the situation.

“What do you think?”

Louis chuckles wetly. “I don’t even know. It’s… two kids at once is a lot. Especially a two year old and a baby. But it’s also a magnificent chance, if you ask me. I mean, this way Nathalie wouldn’t be nine or ten when she gets another sibling. Might make that easier. And we get to have kids.”

Harry smiles lovingly. “Yeah, we get to have kids.”

 

They talk about it the entire day, over breakfast, during their walk around the flower garden, over lunch and in the afternoon at the hotel swimming pool. Finally, at the dinner table, they decide that they’re up for it, on the condition that Nathalie agrees. She’s five now and they think she should get a say in it. Especially now that Babs and Niall told them right before they left that they’re expecting twins in December.

  
  


“Hey! You look fabulous!” Louis compliments Babs when she lets them in. They’ve come straight from the airport, picking Nathalie up at Niall’s before going home.

“If by fabulous you mean tired and nauseous, then yeah, sure,” she laughs, but then thanks him for the compliment.

“He’s right, you’re positively glowing,” Harry adds, kissing her cheek affectionately. They file into the living room, where they find tea and cookies waiting for them, Nathalie and Niall playing football in the backyard. Harry smiles at the sight, reminding himself that he couldn’t have hoped for everything to turn out this way two years ago. 

Both Nathalie and Niall are absolutely gross and sweaty when they run inside through the sliding doors, Nathalie coming up to hug both Harry and Louis before grabbing a cookie and a glass of water. They all sit down on the couch, talking about the week they’ve all had for about half an hour until there’s a bit of silence that Harry decides to take advantage of.

“So uhm, Nat, we actually have something we would like to discuss with you.”

She looks at him curiously, Niall and Babs also frowning and trying to think of why Harry brings it up while they’re here.

Harry then explains how they got a call from the agency, that they were asked if they wanted to take in two kids, and that they wanted her opinion on it before saying yes.

Nathalie doesn’t so much as answer, instead just squeals loudly and crushes both Harry and Louis in a hug.

“So I would get a brother  _ and _ a sister?” she asks, squealing again when they both nod. “And I’ll even get to play with the boy, because he’s not a baby anymore!”

“Well yes,” Louis speaks, “but he might be a bit hurt because of his situation, Nat, and it will take away a lot of our time. We will try to give you as much attention as we possibly can, of course, but it will most definitely be less than what you get now.”

“I know that, papa and Babs explained that to me about the twins as well,” she nods.

“Yes, and that would mean that both your families will change drastically over a couple of months. If we say yes, the kids would probably move in within the next few weeks, and then in December the babies will be born here.”

“Oh my god, so they would be here before my summer break?” Nathalie’s jumping up and down. “We can show them the playgrounds around the city, daddy! And we should take them to the beach!”

Harry tries to tell her they’ll wait until the end of next week before making a definite decision, but she still insists that he should call today! “Now even!”

 

It’s Louis who ends up calling as soon as they arrive home. Harry’s in the backyard with Nathalie, preparing for a family barbecue while he’s tackling Mount Washmore. He’s just put a load on when he looks for his received calls and presses dial on the number that had called him Wednesday morning.

“Rainbow Adoption Services, this is Shelley, how can I help you?”

“Hi! It’s Louis Tomlinson, I was supposed to call Aisha back about a case? I know it’s late, so if she’s gone home already I’ll call back on Monday.”

“She was just about to head out, but she says she’ll take your call. Hold on mister Tomlinson.”

 

It takes less than three minutes to explain that they’re giving her a tentative yes. They still have Nathalie to take into account, and they want to give her the chance to change her mind, but right now, it’s a yes. Aisha tells him she’ll email them an excerpt of the children’s file, consisting of photo’s and some personal details. 

“So of course Samuel already has his first name, technically you could still change it, but I don’t think it would be wise to do so. Their mother has named the baby Roxanne, but if you want to you can easily change her name during the adoption process. I’m sending the email right now. If you have any questions left, you can always email or call me, I’ll be back in the office on Monday morning.”

  
  


He picks up the laptop and goes outside with it, wanting to share the opening of the email with Harry and Nathalie and make sure the pictures are first seen on a screen of a reasonable size. 

One look is all it takes for all three of them to fall in love, both with Sam, which is what Samuel is usually called, and Roxanne. They look at the pictures at least once a day during the weekend, and on Monday Louis calls Aisha back to let her know that it’s now a definite yes. There are a few things that need to be arranged, but if everything goes according to plan, they’ll be able to pick up Roxanne from the foster home at the end of the week, and his foster parents will bring Sam over for a first meeting on Saturday. Aisha explains that he’s been with them for the larger part of his life, so they know him pretty well. If everyone’s on board, they’ll have him over for a couple of visits, first the afternoon with his foster parents, then a day without them, next a sleepover and then he’ll move in with them. That should all be happening within the next month.

  
  


****

 

“Are you sure she’s safe like this, Lou?” Harry asks, pulling on one of the straps of the baby carrier as if he believes it will snap any second. Louis merely rolls his eyes, because it’s the seventeenth time that he’s asked it.

“Yes, Harry, she won’t fall out. I would think you’d be comfortable with using the carrier after using it for an entire year!” he tells him exasperatedly, smiling at Roxie when she tries to extract Harry’s hair from his bun. “You alright, buddy?” he asks Sam who’s in another, larger carrier on his own back, grinning and offering an awkward high five when he gets an enthusiastic “yes!” from his son. 

 

The baby carriers had proved to be the key to survival in their first year with the kids. Sam had always been carried a lot by his foster parents, since it had made him feel safe and secure, and he tended to have less tantrums and an easier time getting to know his new dads when they continued to do so. They mostly carried him on their back, but when he was particularly upset, the only way he’d calm down was when they put him on their stomach and held him even closer than the carrier already did.

It was only natural that they started carrying Roxie as well, she was only a few weeks old when she came to live with them, but it was obvious that in those few weeks, she’d already felt alone and unsafe more than any child should. Carrying her, first in a sling, later in a carrier, made her feel at ease as well.

 

Niall called them hippies for it, but they were the ones who got to laugh when he struggled with the twin buggy when they went out together. 

 

The arrival of the kids had done that. Sure, over the year prior their relationship had gotten a lot better and easier, but ever since they both had new babies, they just met up a lot more. They felt like sometimes it would be the only way to get out of their houses, even with the fuss a new baby brought along. Or two babies, in Niall and Babs’ case. 

More often than not, Zayn and Liam had tagged along, already preparing for when their baby would arrive in April.

 

It had taken no more than one try with their surrogate, a beautiful woman with Indian roots called Amira, for her to be pregnant. Their daughter Farah was born six weeks early in February but despite her being small, she was strong and they were able to take her home two weeks before her due date. 

 

Today, they were all meeting up at the park for a picnic to celebrate Roxie’s first birthday, Nathalie already bouncing up the walls at the foresight of being around all those cute little babies for an entire days, and with her favourite, spoiling adults as well.

 

The weather was nice, and when he looked around, Louis couldn’t help but think he’d won the lottery by meeting Harry, over three years ago now. He had his boyfriend, though Harry liked to use the word ‘partner’ because ‘boyfriend’ made him feel like a teenager, three lovely, beautiful kids, friends who all were at a good place in their lives. He didn’t need anything else. 

 

It had been nice, having a  baby of his own to take care off, but when he was allowed to hold Farah for a bit, looking into her stunning brown eyes that she clearly inherited from Liam, making her slightly darker skin stand out nicely, he felt like he didn’t want to do it again. One baby had been enough, and it was like the opportunity to adopt a toddler and a baby had been exactly what they had needed to complete their family.

 

It was only a couple of years ago that he’d been in a dark, dark place, but right now he couldn’t be happier. 

Or well, that’s what he thought until Harry surprised him later that night. Once again, his boy has the worst sense of timing, procuring a red gold ring out of nowhere and asking Louis to marry him while they are folding laundry in front of the telly. 

  
  


***

 

Two years later, the red gold ring is accompanied by another, broader one, and an identical one on Harry’s finger. 

Nathalie, Sam and Roxie are around somewhere, probably on the bouncing house or the playground the venue had provided for their wedding. Niall and Babs’ sons, Ennis and Finnian were playing in the kids’ corner with Farah, Zayn hovering nearby while he carried their three month old son Sami in the sling he’d begged Harry and Louis to use because Sami turned out to be a fussy baby, crying more than 6 hours every day and both Liam and Zayn were about to break because of it.

 

“I’ve never been happier,” Louis tells Harry, wrapping his arm around Harry’s waist and putting his head on his shoulder.

“Me neither babe, I’m so proud I get to call you my husband now.”

“Still surprised you didn’t want the wedding to be at home though, maybe have us say our vows while we cleaned the bathroom.”

“Shut up!” Harry laughs, slapping his shoulder without any heat behind it.

 

“Hey boys!” Lottie shouts, the camera she has been lugging around all day resting high on her rounded belly. “Smile for me!” And smile they do, like they have done all day, and like they feel they will for the rest of their lives.


End file.
